Thunder

Thunder

A Poem by hcarson
"

First attempt at cinguain...not sure what iam dojng tbh lol

"
Thunder

Thunder
Sky opens up white
Static ripples throughout
Excitement makes us shudder
Uproar

© 2016 hcarson



Author's Note

hcarson
Comments, criticisms,mistakes maken pointing out welcome as i not tried this before

My Review

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Featured Review

Well chosen subject Helen... The second line could be changed a bit, I will try to find out something... The fourth line got 7 syllables I think, that means you need one more, but as I said you have just began to write this form and I'm very happy by the pace of your progress...

Sincerely
Dhiman

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

1 Year Ago

your correct about the fourth line..not sure how i initially made it 8 but anything is possible with.. read more



Reviews

Well chosen subject Helen... The second line could be changed a bit, I will try to find out something... The fourth line got 7 syllables I think, that means you need one more, but as I said you have just began to write this form and I'm very happy by the pace of your progress...

Sincerely
Dhiman

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

1 Year Ago

your correct about the fourth line..not sure how i initially made it 8 but anything is possible with.. read more
not familiar with the form....but i like the loudness that echoes in the piece, of both an actual storm, and also the turbulence and excitement that mixes within a relationship...

j.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

1 Year Ago

I also am very new to the form so not entirely sure i even done it correctly but it was fun to try r.. read more
I don't know the form. But I like this representaion of Thunder and lightning.

I wonder if second last line could be tweaked a little.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hcarson

1 Year Ago

It possibly could, its one of them knes where u have to have certain amount of syllables in each lin.. read more
Shannon

1 Year Ago

You are welcome. Trying new things-an exciting challenge.



Glad it's.. read more
hcarson

1 Year Ago

Haha...never call you that so no worries there 😉

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3 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 9, 2016
Last Updated on August 9, 2016

Author

hcarson
hcarson

cardiff, barry, United Kingdom



About
I have an interest in writing short stories and poetry in some shape or form apparently since coming here! Being a mother of five means I have no end of inspiration! I'm an animal lover and have an Am.. more..

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