The Prize

He rested on the bank of the river in the deep indentation that was made by the soil that had slowly collected around his body over time, when a flickering object that was being carried downstream by the current appeared in the river. At first he tracked it only with his eyes, but then he suddenly leapt from his spot and raced into the water after it. Muscles that hadn’t moved in ages pushed the water aside with ease. As he drove further the water became deeper and the current swifter, but he continued forward until the now brightly shining object was just out of reach and as the water began to overtake him he made a final grasp for it as it sped by, his hand splashing down just behind it pushing the object into the deepest and swiftest part of the stream. He stopped and watched the object grow dim as it raced completely of sight. He then turned, exited the water, and returned to his place on the shore.

Reviews

[Kaliope]

I read your story as a wonderful metaphor for a brave failure: the protagonist rises from his lethargy, attempts to reach a goal but is defeated by his object of desire and/or the elements.

Now feel free to call me stupid, but I think I would have liked your story even better if you'd given either the prize or the water a bit more character, one of them (or maybe both?) is sort of an antagonist after all.

Nevertheless - great work, I enjoyed reading it!

[Steve]

Thank you for reading and the great review! Yeah I seem him being defeated not only by the elements and the objects speed, but in the end it's his own actions that finally push it out of reach as well.

[Kaliope]

Ah, of course. I totally overlooked that his actions played a vital role as well. It adds yet another level to his failure, I like that!

[S.P.GORAI]

nice story

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Great sequencing of events. I really felt there. More surrounding descriptions would texturize the atmosphere you already have. The use of the word that is killing the rhythm in the first two sentences. More about the age of the man, he is a senior I believe? Why is he there to begin with? It easily felt as though this could go sci fi and be fun as hell.