Castles / La Douleur Exquise

A poem inspired from my experience in an abusive relationship

The ice seeps through walls that I've built so high
Its cold but I'm still burning iridescent blue flames
Breathing in the scent of old letters from poorly written romances
Skin still bruised from hits that got confused with "I love you's"
Silken ivory smeared with black and blue.

Violet dotted flowers emerged from white,
But they weren't beautiful, no, you painted ugly pictures on my skin
Until I was a canvas filled with careless, angry strokes
Until I could only see red from my weeping skin
Until I believed that this was love in the most abstract form.

You were an artist that inspired me to build architecture
Thoughts formed into stone-cold bricks that went up, up, up
Locking myself into a box where I was finally queen
Building castles that lasted lifetimes
And where the violet flowers started to wilt.

Author's Note

This is actually my first try in doing poetry. Constructive criticism helps!

Reviews

[Johnny]

yay I get to be your first review!! umm its great! however I do admit the rhyme scheme needed some work.. some poets decide to abandon that and present it in more like a story mode.. (all thoughts are stories really) but it was really rich.. it struck a nerve though because my ex fiance hasnt been treated so good before she met me and I wanted to see the woman at the end of your poem rise up and overcome the terror.. but I loved it..

[astoria]

thank you! I did leave the rhyming scheme out because i love freestyle poems. i actually got inspired by your suggestion and yes, the woman in poem does deserve her happy ending! I'm going to make a sort of trilogy based on this poem, with this one as the first part. again, thank you! :)

[Johnny]

np.. anytime!

[Rosezelene Ersa]

Hi! I just wanted to say thanks for sending this into my contest, but though I like it, it does not fit the criteria of "nothing depressing" so I can't include it as a finalist. However, I did enjoy the creativity within your poem and I didn't want you to think It wasn't appreciated. Good job!