mine first.

mine first.

A Poem by hypochondrita
"

.

"
to forgive or to retain
intoxicating rage
making itself at home
entering alongside the air
into your pulsating lungs

how to let go
when it screams impunity
why should i make all the efforts
ascend to a higher state of mind
~being the bigger person~
why must i be the one to sacrifice
when i've been the victim to the damage

of course you can say
those to do the hurting
carry much of it inside themselves
and i'm aware, i'm aware
but i can't help but noticing
how my pain restrains itself to me
kept inside 
internal micro agressions
cut by cut
blood dropping slowly
the sound of a forgotten-poorly closed tap
a waste that you'll only notice
after much has been marked useless

your behavior was unnaceptable
and i still feel the impact
how is it fair 
that in order to help myself
i must forgive you

it feels so morally irresponsible

if we can get away
even after destroying a part of someone
how are we supposed to condemn cruelty
how are we supposed to tame our inner darkness
when the consequences become blurred out
in what world does it make sense
to suffer in one's hands
and be forced to rebrand
seeing your perpetrator
as nothing but a mediator
the builder of a bridge
between you and what he went through

why couldn't you heal the way i have to heal?
why couldn't you process without inflicting hate?
why is it up to me to rise above
when all i did wrong was being there when so were you

i don't mean to say mistakes should be final
and i don't think you deserve bad things
but i can't pretend to know how to handle it all
so until i figure out a way to repair what you blew
i'm afraid i can't help you.
 
 

© 2018 hypochondrita


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Your poem expertly details the challenges of forgiveness. Yes, everyone claims we forgive to relieve ourselves of a painful burden. It's more about making the forgiver feel better & has much less to do with the forgivee. But having been repeatedly raped by my bio-dad, I can say that some transgressions cannot be forgiven & it's unfair to burden the victim with the heavy expectation that we MUST forgive . . . FOR OUR OWN GOOD! What bullshit! For me, forgiving is a constantly-changing terrain where sometimes I almost get there & sometimes I don't even think I should have to try. This poem is every bit as powerful as the actual process of trying to forgive! You nailed so many stellar points! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Years Ago


touching write,i have to figure it out before i can help you,first i must help me

Posted 5 Years Ago


hypochondrita

5 Years Ago

hahah! thanks, man.
 wordman

5 Years Ago

my pleasure

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

146 Views
2 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 3, 2018
Last Updated on August 3, 2018
Tags: pain, hurt, coping, personal, poetry


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Why bother Why bother

A Poem by emmajoy