The first mistake
A band of soldiers finds diplomacy in the dreg forest comes with consequences.
Andrew Nelson Stewart Andrew Nelson Stewart
In poetry and to find answers of who we are while walking the ephemeral road upon cracks of pain signs leading you.
Train Tracks

Train Tracks

A Poem by Erin
"

Sometimes I get pissy.

"

Train Tracks:
 

Will anyone lie down

On train tracks for me?
These cold hard facts spit in my face.
I lose my place, the book falls to the floor.
Who’s dying?
I AM?

AM I?

I’M A
Goner.

Lost in space.
Trying to forget:
Youth, The Truth,
The Phantom Tollbooth.
Anagrams and diaphragms.
“The pill’s my God!”
“I want your Bod!”
Advertisement is education.
The disease facing our current nation.
MTV, MyTV, ABC, GAC,
UV TV.
Radiation.
This is what we get

For placing in them our trust.

Don’t make a fuss,

It’s his fault.
It’s their fault.

It’s my fault.
My fault? Please,

Pass around the blame

Ignite the flame

Mob Mentality.
No more vitality,
Life is lackluster

Making a fluster.
Trying to cure cancer with aspirin.

A Band-Aid for a heart attack.
A single grape for a midnight snack.
Contradicting all creation;
Black-outs are bliss.
White-outs amiss,
Full of desperation

To forget those moments with pain.

Fall down the rabbit hole,
Run, Alice, Run!

Because I’m done.
Those train tracks are a callin’.
And who would lie down on them for me?


© 2008 Erin



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Reviews

i think this is a pretty good performance piece. i think it could be tightened up and polished.

i love the whole sentiment of the piece. the ranting pace and the anger at how society deadens us to each other. the whole nation obsessed with products and programs instead of each other.

i would caution to watch some of your word associations as they sometimes run a tad long and detract from the emotional punch of your lines.

also, i really REALLY love that you used "the phantom tollbooth" (being a personal favorite book of mine) but i felt the line is 1 syllable short. maybe that's just me nitpicking. lol. i do that when i really like a piece so it's a compliment.

all in all i felt this piece and it resonated with me. good job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


There's definitely a passionate, sort of hipster tone to this, with clever rhymes and a beat that draws the reader in.

Posted 7 Years Ago


sigh. I just feel this in a way that can only be described as complete and total understanding. I know what you're trying to say, without you ever coming outright and saying it.
These lines:
Trying to cure cancer with aspirin.

A Band-Aid for a heart attack.
A single grape for a midnight snack.
Contradicting all creation;
Black-outs are bliss.
White-outs amiss,
Full of desperation

To forget those moments with pain.

Fall down the rabbit hole,
Run, Alice, Run!

Because I'm done.
Those train tracks are a callin'.
And who would lie down on them for me?

...they just knocked me over. If you're looking for train tracks, your writing might as well be the train.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is just wonderful, love this write alot.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a brilliant piece of writing! Wow! It has an amazing sense of anger and confusion and it touches on so much. My head is buzzing! Brilliantly written! Superb piece of writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, I think this is fantastic. Can really feel the anger and the sense of contradiction this bizarre world has.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Absolutely amazing... Erin, you continue to amaze me with your poetic style. I can hear the beat in my head every single time I read your writing. Don't you ever stop writing poetry because I find you rather amazing. This is an absolutely wonderful piece, telling the wrong of the media and the problems in our society. I don't know of any way to tell you to make this poem any better. Absolutely amazing writing Erin, truly.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a gem of a piece--I'm surprised I'm the first to review it! The brevity of each line, the pop culture references, everything all flows together to form an incredibly artistic expression of solitude. I love the commentary this provides on our culture; it's so expertly done that I'm not sure I can give any suggestions to make it better. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on February 15, 2008
Last Updated on February 21, 2008

Author

Erin
Erin

Where the Wind Comes Sweeping Down The Plain, OK



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I'm going to Vassar College in the fall after living in Oklahoma all my life. This should be interesting. more..

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