I Can't Stop You From Dying

I am helpless because
we are hopelessly lost
in a forest so black
I can no longer see your old face.
You wear a mask so expertly placed.

I want so desperately to see you
as you once were but that boy is gone.
You can bring him to life to suit your needs
but I now realize he is dead, he lives only
in my memory. How do I bury him?

You are still flesh and blood
a doppelganger of my child so
I  let you into my
heart and you continue to shred it
without a blade in hand.

But I can't let you go despite
the lies and the betrayals.
I wonder if there is any love
left in your heart or have drugs
dissolved all that we had. They
have eroded the life I once loved.

The pain I live resides in each breath
and I know I cannot stop you from dying,
so I wait for the call to come and
identify your body, the boy who looks like you,
and I wonder if you will ever be at peace.

And I will remain fractured in this hell for the rest of my days
looking at photos and videos into my dotage waiting
for death because the best of my life resided in you-
and I couldn't stop you from dying
for a mother's tears have no power here.

Reviews

[Rachelle]

Tragic and sorrowful. I shed a tear for mothers undergoing this.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much for your comment.

[Scott Metro]

Very sad and pulling....just waiting for the worst..that has to be a torture.
You expressed this well..I felt every syllable ...
Good job.
Scott

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Scott, I appreciate it.

[Scott Metro]

:)
Scott.......

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

When the sorrow seeps into the blood, it weeps through poetry. I can feel the pain behind the words and can well imagine the tears that are always on the cusp of spilling. I am truly sorry for your loss.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you- it is my living nightmare and it still continues.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I don't imagine there's much suffering that's worse than a parent losing a child or having to contend with not being able to protect protect that child. When you'd rather take the suffering onto yourself and cannot, the feeling of utter helplessness has to overwhelm the soul.

[Dye]

Such a powerful punch of words, raw emotion that had me feeling that pain along with you. I am a mother of four and can't imagine what this pain must be like. I have relatives who have all left this world too early because of this behavior. Very sad indeed.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Dye I appreciate you sharing. I would not wish this pain on anyone.

[TL Boehm]

my first response wasn't even articulate and the next was vulgar. Not because the poem deserves vulgar but because the rage in my maternal heart can't properly respond - it just seethes. I want to watch my child go through hell says no parent ever. This is a powerful punch in the gut poem. I'm a mom. This rips my heart out as only a mom can be gutted and hung to dry.
Your candor is wrenching and terribly wonderful. When our fledglings crash and we scream "pull up pull up" and they don't...

[icelandicblue]

Ahh there are no words to really depict the struggle. It's more than we should ever have to bear. Thanks so much TL.

[Rita L. Sev]

Raw, brave and powerful; your frustration and heartache radiate from the screen. There is no part of this piece that does not cry out truth and love.

I am so sorry that you are going through such suffering...

[icelandicblue]

Thank you I appreciate your kind thoughts.

[Tom]

The hopeless & helpless inability to reach out and intervene is further compounding this dreadful situation !

A very commendable and brave write, speaks volumes about the depth of your character and bonded, unbroken love!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much for your kind review Tom.

[Tom]

You are very welcome!

[Sue]

It's brave of you to write this - I am not a mother so don't fully understand but I can feel the loss in the words quite distinctly - thank you.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Sue, it's not easy!