Your Karma, Me

Your Karma, Me

A Poem by Deidre A. H.
"

An unrefined poem to the one I hate the most, for she deserves raw, unrefined hatred.

"

 

so many atrocities
I’d like to commit upon you
for the pain I’ve felt
you’ll be fortunate to never know
 
the haze of alcohol
and the plastic, swirling world
created by the “roofie”
slipped into the veins; unaware
stumbling in the hands of a stranger
groping at breasts; beneath the skirt
foul and vile and slimy with evil
 
the nightmares plague
my corpse upon the alter
violated by the wild-eyed priest;
strangers haunting my past
causing my sister to scream
her terror ripping through my chest
striking me still with fear;
the rushing of violation
swiftly toward me
and I cannot wake
 
as I try to tell you
words stick to my throat
choked down like acidic bile
How can I speak of it?
You’ll never understand
stumbling down the stairs
to find your father sleepless
staring at the hated television
for nightmares haunt him, too
 
But I force the unwanted
because we must be friends
And with your four words:
“You asked for it”
the cold fury wakens me
 
Throw you in a cold locked room
falling face-first to the floor
what they did to me, they'll do to you
screaming vengeance! more! more! more!
You didn't just stab me in the back
you broke every bone beneath your heel
and laughed

I don’t believe in hell
but now I wish I did
for the only after-life you “ask for”
is the wretched eternal heat
and flame and anger and sorrow
that is the mythical
Hell
 
Dedicated sincerely unto you
because I “asked for it;”
I sign this as simply:
Your Karma, Me

© 2008 Deidre A. H.


Author's Note

Deidre A. H.
As noted, this is unrefined. Critique especially appreciated.

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Featured Review

Wow... Such intense, unmitigated rage. Sadly, I can identify with the helpless rage that can be evoked when the victim is the one who is blamed. I read this and I found myself getting more and more angry. I can think of a few people I need to have read this; they so truly deserve it. I especially love your ending. You have a way of telling a story within poetry that is powerful and captivating; I loved it. However, watch formatting. Your font changes several times within this piece and it threw me for a loop. I can understand some changes. There is a shift in the stanza that begins "throw you in a cold locked room" that warrants changes in formatting. Also, the italics at the end are a nice touch. Other than that, be careful when formatting. Speaking of the end, I love the way you ended this piece. Very well done.

Posted 15 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"I don't believe in hell, but now I wish I did" - Brilliant!! Very expressive in emotion! I hope to read more. Fingers snapping.......

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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hey
i love this
as I try to tell you
words stick to my throat
choked down like acidic bile
How can I speak of it?
You'll never understand
stumbling down the stairs
to find your father sleepless
staring at the hated television
for nightmares haunt him, too

the whole think is gorgeous passionate uninhibited anger. its beautiful. Christ I wish I could write like this.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Pure rage and hatred warmly courses through these words. The only word that threw me off was "slimy". I love the ending - a vision of damnation from a hurting, hating heart. Well done and kudos.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a powerful poem, with a powerful message. Sad when this kind of stuff happens. Nice write.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh wow, unrefined, no way, this piece sure packs a bitter sweet punch which I hope not many of your readers has experienced before, however I think what happened didn't hurt nearly as much as the betrayal for the one person you trusted and depended on in life, that is why I thought this stanza was so fitting

I don't believe in hell
but now I wish I did
for the only after-life you "ask for"
is the wretched eternal heat
and flame and anger and sorrow
that is the mythical
Hell

Brilliant piece of writing, I wouldn't think of changing one single word in this piece

Thank you for submitting!


Posted 15 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Well done!

Posted 15 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow... Such intense, unmitigated rage. Sadly, I can identify with the helpless rage that can be evoked when the victim is the one who is blamed. I read this and I found myself getting more and more angry. I can think of a few people I need to have read this; they so truly deserve it. I especially love your ending. You have a way of telling a story within poetry that is powerful and captivating; I loved it. However, watch formatting. Your font changes several times within this piece and it threw me for a loop. I can understand some changes. There is a shift in the stanza that begins "throw you in a cold locked room" that warrants changes in formatting. Also, the italics at the end are a nice touch. Other than that, be careful when formatting. Speaking of the end, I love the way you ended this piece. Very well done.

Posted 15 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 5, 2008
Last Updated on May 5, 2008

Author

Deidre A. H.
Deidre A. H.

A Secret, WA



About
I've known I wanted to write since I was 8, and have been seriously writing since I was 11 years old. Still polishing my work before I attempt publishing. I write a variety of things ranging from li.. more..

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