The Invisible Chain

a poem, please rate and review please!

my sister.

her life.

haunted by a disease.

cancer.

a civil war in her body.

fighting.

for life.

I feel sorry.

bad.

her pain.

her loss.

her suffering.

but.

I am torn.

I love her.

I really do love her.

yet,

I can't go anywhere.

without her.

I can't go to parties.

without her.

I can't have time alone.

it's not fair.

for her.

and for me.

I am bound.

bound by an invisible chain.

holding me together,

with someone I love,

yet hate.

my last memory.

guilt and grief.

loss and happiness.

she is gone from my life.

that pure little spark.

gone.

yet I am here.

the chain is broken,

but I wish I could reverse.

now I realize,

I loved that chain.

Author's Note

please tell me if it is good, i really want to hear. i am open to any constructive criticism.

Reviews

[Jennifer Z]

Hey!
Loved the poem, it has a way of conveing emotion... very touching!

[Shapirta]

thanks so much!

[Joe Butler]

Interesting, I like the pattern and emotion from it, and if that has happened to you, I'm terribly sorry.
I would probably change the font, with the short sentences, the words tend to bunch together. Also I might add a couple metaphors in there, just to make it seem less like a one sided conversation and more poetic. Just my thoughts, good tho :)

[Joe Butler]

I also didn't realize you were 11 years old, that is very impressive work for your age, beyond your years :) keep it up

[Shapirta]

thanks! I will definitely try to add more metaphors in my future poems! thanks for the great advice!