Sapphire

A young girl deals with the death of a loved one.

Her eyes.
I’ll never forget her eyes. Their eternal blue light bored through me that day I had to tell her.

 

I had to tell her that her hero was gone. I had to tell her that her Daddy was dead. I couldn’t bear to look at her when I told her that cancer had finally taken her Daddy away. In a sense, Dad was already gone from the day the doctors told us. Dad was with us, but his spirits were gone. He no longer smiled his natural luminescent smile; his wan face forced itself to contort into a smile.

 

She knew dad would be gone soon. Even though she was only seven, I could see that she knew. Her eyes told me. I would watch her kneel by dad’s bedside and just observe him sleeping. Her eyes�"they were full of pain. They were sapphire pools of anxiety and distress, not at all what a seven-year-old’s eyes should be. Every time she looked at me, her little round face and the dimple I loved so much were overtaken by the pain in her eyes. I knew she was carrying the weight of her father’s cancer.

 

The last day we had with Dad, I could tell her pain was unbearable. During the past months, she rarely spoke, but on that day, she didn’t say a word. We were at Dad’s bedside again, and she was watching him breathe. I stared at her delicate face but all I could see were her eyes; full of melancholy. One tear slipped out of the blue sea of her eye. It rolled down her cheek dropped onto her clasped hands.

 

We left the hospital in silence. I knew she was thinking hard about death. She often asked me questions about it, and she always wanted assurance that her Dad would be out of pain. Worry was etched on her face. As we walked, she stared down at the ground, deep in thought. My heart ached for her. She was such a young girl. Why did she have to deal with death?

When the phone rang it pierced the silence in the house. It was the doctor. My heart sank as I held my breath, bracing myself for the news.

 

He was gone.

 

I hung up and my whole being ached and was numb at the same time. My eyes burned as tears raced down my cheeks. I knew I had to tell her. I sat down on the sofa where she was. She was looking down at the sofa cushion, tracing the pattern etched on the fabric. Her slender finger curled around and around.

“Riley, I need to tell you something.”

 

She did not look up, but her hands stilled.

 

“He’s gone, Riley. Daddy’s gone.”

 

Her eyes met mine. The blue was overwhelming. Never before had her eyes looked so blue and so sad. The ache in her eyes made me know she understood.

 

Her eyes�"they told me everything, just like they always did.

 

 

 

Author's Note

So you're thinking..."Okay, what's the point?"
And I don't really have an answer for you. This is a work in progress and I did have a point to the story and I meant for it to be longer (more was supposed to happen). But I thought, maybe I should just post this as a snapshot of emotion in these two people's lives and see what happens.
So tell me: does this thing dearly need the rest of the story, or is it ok how it is?
I believe it needs the rest of the story.
Oh, and help me with titles!!! Please?

Reviews

[Bells]

Ummm.... soo sad!! I really liked it... not good with title so cant help you there:(

[Daniel]

I think this is a great story just by itself. I could feel the hurt from the little girl radiating through this piece. You said in your author's note that you need help with titles, but I think the title "Sapphire" is perfect. It describes the girl and her beautiful eyes in a single, simple word.

Whenever I read the piece and looked at the title, I felt like you wanted the reader to become a part of the little girl and share in her pain at the loss of watching her father die. That's what it did for me, great read!

Such a sad story, but death is inevitable. Good job!

[[untitled]]

I found this very well written, and I felt you did an excellent job of communicating a feeling of sorrow and helplessness in the face of death. It elicits sadness for the young girl you describe, very well done :]

As far as continuing goes, I'm sure it would only increase the emotion of the story if you were to add more - However, I feel like ending the story where you have is very effectual in that you leave the reader with a certain feeling that leads them to think a great deal.

I also really loved how your theme was centered around the girl's eyes, very meaningful :]