The Beautiful Lady

A guy sees a beautiful lady, and wants her for himself!

 

He walks in from the freezing snow,

the room is crowded and noisy.

The atmosphere is welcoming,

as if someone has lured him in.

 

He notices right away it's not a

place he would normally  show

his presence, he's about to leave

when the crowd parts, that's when

he sees her.

 

She is all alone, no one pays her

any attention.

Suddenly he feels heated, feet are

immobile, mouth dry.

 

She stares at him with big ocean

blue eyes, that sparkle like the

stars along side the moon.

Her luscious red lips are sightly

puckered, as if waiting for a kiss,

golden blonde hair that drapes over

her shoulders is radiant as the sun.

 

He moves toward her, feeling

mesmerized by her pure beauty.

He has to have her for himself.

Wallet in hand he looks at the

price tag on the portrait of the

beautiful lady.

 

 

Reviews

[InkSlinger]

Nice little twist to tie this up.. Creative and well thought out.. Keep up the good work!!

[Sean Allen]

I think that a perfect poem like this with a beautiful twist at the end is something that I wish I had written myself. But, then I would not have been able to read it, not knowing how it ends... Marvelous work my new friend, a 100 plus!

[Marie Harrison]

I loved this poem. It's pure rapture for him!

[Ron]

Good work. Twist is paramount to that!

[Misty Blue Eyes]

Beautiful. outstanding hun

[Poetic Beauty]

I like this poem. I love how you gave a surprise ending. The poem flows nicely and you gave great details about the atmosphere. The flow of the poem is smooth and that must have been one beautiful painting.

[Goodbye]

Do you mean "price" tag in the second from last line?

This was really cool - a nice, tight little tale you weave!

[Brian Kraklau]

cute

[Stefanie Leona Baylee]

That is so cool! I started to imagine him looking at an actual woman. then reading further on, it was a painting! so clever! well done...

[InvisibleInk]

Great twist! Nice descriptions. The title doesn't grab me. I have a funny suggestion, because at the end, when he takes out his wallet, it seemed maybe she was a prostitute, which just made the ending all that much more fun... title something like, "Love For Sale"
Could you add more adjectives? Is he in a gallery?
here are a few minor corrections...

the room is crowed and noisy. - crowded, maybe warm glow of lights?

He notices right away it's not a
place he would normally show - give us some hints why?
his presence,

She is all alone, no one pays her - where?
any attention. - what expression on her face?

Suddenly he feels heated, feet is (are)
immobile, mouth dry. - I like this description!
She stares at him with big ocean - love this! this is very strong
blue eyes, that sparkles like the (sparkle no -s)
stars along side the moon.

Her luscious red lips is(are) sightly...
golden blonde(no e) hair that goes past(passed) the
shoulders is radiant as the sun.

prize tag on the portrait of the
beautiful lady.

I think if you ended with portrait, it would be stronger. Enjoyed this one!