Who do i deceive?

The rain falls down upon your face
Mingling with sweat and tears
The red hot fire burns like ice
Upon your shivering skin
I'm forced to watch your tears of pain
As the betrayal lights up your deadened face
You say
Gone is the innocence I craved so much
Gone is the yearning I had for your touch
I know that
While I'm not strong enough to stay away from you
I can't keep doing what I continue to do
So I'm now torn between
Two unattractive points
Being tugged in oppsite directions
Is never any fun
And this is no exception
It all boils down to this
Who do I deceive?
Me or you?
And who do I relieve?
My choices are few

Reviews

[Jonathan Ballam]

This felt like a cup of ice cubes falling down my spine when I read it. It's refreshing to see someone being honest about the darker emotions that inhabit us.

Good job ;)

[Rose Tyler]

I like the partial rhyme in this, and as I read it I knew exactly how you felt.
"While I'm not strong enough to stay away from you
I can't keep doing what I continue to do" My favorite lines.
Great job!

[Alex Thomas]

Interesting poem. I like the partial rhyme. There was no steady rhythm, but I felt that it was unnecessary to have such rhythm. Such an easily related truth that most of us have experienced at one point or another.

[closed]

I really liked how there were lines that rhymed and others that didn't but it still had a flow that made you want to keep reading :) thanks for sharing!

[Johnny A. Rojas]

I felt every word like it was me feeling the way you did...
"Gone is the yearning I had for your touch"
I love that line.