Sentimental

don’t let it slip away

Sometimes... 

You scour your memories for one that made you feel wonderful.  

You dig deep at the bottom of the time capsule. 

Longing to uncover the

‘Aha, I found it!’ - the one. 

Excited to watch everything return.

Making yourself comfortable, you press play, 

shamelessly waiting for that memory to begin. 

Anticipating the sensations to follow, 

yet they are nowhere to be found. 

The black and white picture streams brightly, 

but you still feel nothing... 

You continuously rewind noticing every detail,

in hopes the emotions will also resurface. 

That’s your favourite part. 

You think how unfair it is to be unable to experience something wholly again.

Wishing to replay, recapture, re-feel, 

the whole reel.

But,

Sometimes...

A remnant approaches, you are able to soak in its shred and you remember why your mind tried so hard to forget... 

nothing had ever felt so wonderful again.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

For starters, this is amazing! All around amazing! You have fantastically vivid imagery, numerous juicy lines, the "replay, recapture, re-feel" part is beyond words! And you also for the most part have a relatively great flow and musicality.

Things to consider:

- "Longing to uncover it for the" - first off, take out the comma at the end of the line, for the following line is a direct continuation of the same thought. Then take out the "it" and "for", as they're deadwood. In a way, "for that gem" in the previous line is also deadwood, as like the two aforementioned deadwood words, they implicitly reiterate the main message of the stanza, which is essentially the finding of a certain memory. With those five words gone, the stanza still flows well, just put a comma at the end of the first line, and that would help it.

- "Anticipating the sensations will follow" - better say "to follow" OR "what sensations". keeping the line as is lacks something in the grammar, but to tamper with its length would mar the musicality.

- The second last line would be better off line broken a bit, and ended with an "it" for flow. Also, play with this one a bit to see which you like better (in the end it's your choice), but "its hardest" lands on some rather clunky beats in the musicality - it's not at all bad, but maybe saying "so hard", despite being more cliché would smooth it out more. Again, your choice.

But overall, this is wonderful, and I would daresay whimsical too. Well done! Much enjoyed!!

[Ksenia Kazantseva]

Thank you so much for your review! Changes made that you suggested. :) I appreciate the constructive criticism and the comments!

[emipoemi]

I'm glad you do. It's a pleasure to help.