once upon a fairytale

once upon a fairytale
once upon a time
boy fell for girl and
well you know the line

everything was perfect
for days,then for weeks,
the love in their eyes
told the words they couldn't speak

then their perfect world shattered
and cold reality stole in
his laugh tugged her heartstrings
but too soon they wore thin

a forest of thorns
grew up around her soul
as he mined in her heart
searching for the coal

Reviews

[Lyric]

wow, I really enjoyed this, very original take on something not so original :]

[C.Butler]

Very nice! I do enjoy the almost realistic, modernized undertones of the piece. Good work :)

[Tom McRoberts]

I was worried you'd sink too far into cliché territory (a threat you acknowledged, 'well you know the line'), but that last stanza was something very powerful! What wonderful imagery. Great job, keep it up!

[inkstainedsoul]

awh thank you, i must admit i did enjoy putting an unexpected twist on a cliche