it's all in my head

it's all in my head

A Poem by Chloe

response to those who refer to mental illness as something that is just in your head.

I said I had anxiety and they said
it's all in your head
yes it's all in my head and
that's the problem

I can't sleep I can't eat
if I eat I'll be fat
and if I try and fall asleep
my brain tells me a hundred different
reasons why I should be awake
I'm awake but Im not here
I'm here
I'm there
I'm somewhere
I'm everywhere
oh no here it comes again
it's the anxiety again

relax, you're just stressed

im not stressed I'm depressed
and the voices in my head are telling me that
suicide would be best

I said I had depression
they said
it's all for attention

other people have it worse
you have no just reason
well telling someone they can't be sad
because someone has it worse is telling
someone they can't be happy because
someone has it better

just be happy
thanks I'm all better now
you're life's not that bad

well what would you know
I grew up
not knowing if we were going able to afford dinner
or if
the landlord was going to kick us out this
week because my moms gone bankrupt again
and we can't pay our rent this month
well looks like you're s**t outta luck
but it's fine
I'm fine
living around the people who cry when they don't get what they want for Christmas but I cry because all I want for Christmas is my dad to come back
but he died the night before

but I mean what's so bad about dying anyways
death feels like a safer option than life in this world at some times
more often than not I'm rewriting my suicide note
it's 2 am and everyone's asleep
but I'm here with
a pen and a piece of paper writing I'm sorry
over and over again because that's all I
know how to explain for what I'm about to do

but I'm not depressed. I don't have anxiety
it's all in my head
it's all in my head
it's all in my head and I'm afraid that my head is right
what's in my head
my brain
the single organ that functions my entire body
so why don't you understand that
it's a problem it's all in my head
it's all in my head and it's taking over the
one thing that has the power to stop me
from giving up and giving in to what my
head is telling me to do

© 2016 Chloe

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Added on July 28, 2016
Last Updated on October 12, 2016
Tags: anxiety, depression, suicide, sadness, deppressing



Venice Beach, CA

18 and simply coping more..

you broke me you broke me

A Poem by Chloe