I Don't Hate You As Much As I Hate Myself

What are you meant to say when your best friend starts dating someone you love?

It’s a rather horrible fate

Having one you love

Love another

 

My mind plays on repeat

What you said to me that fateful day

Again

And

Again

And

Again

 

You looked at me with tears in your eyes

And clasped hands,

A tremble in your voice

With the hope of my forgiveness

 

“I don’t know what happened”

You said

“But I think I could be happy with him”

You said

 

Your face was so anxious

So frightened of my response

Would I cry?

Would I yell?

Or would I sit in stunned silence?

As you fumbled over your words

And wouldn’t meet my eye

 

My mind in shock

I smiled as best as I could

Held your hand and said;

“I want you to be happy”

 

“I’m so glad you know”

You said

“You’re not mad at me, are you?”

You said, faltering

 

“No”

I told you

Even though my heart was beating

Out of my chest

Even though my stomach had twisted itself into knots

Even though I held back tears with every word

Even though I understood how much this meant to you

I couldn’t stop the betrayal and jealousy

That oozed into my heart like poison

 

Happiness is such a rare thing

I think to myself now

Who am I to throw a tantrum,

Because the world doesn’t go my way?

 

And I realised,

Perhaps to love someone

And for them to love another

Is not such a dreadful fate

As I once thought

Reviews

[Ashish]

One sided love..
I had felt and still feeling this..
It hurts but
you know! The other person doesn't have any feelings for you and that's the truth and I have to accept this.

Really heart touching Asya..

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

I'm glad you liked it, that means a lot to me! Yeah, one sided relationships are never easy but I guess sometimes you just have to learn to let them go so they can be happy.