I cut the deck of the fun bag at dawn.

I cut the deck of the fun bag at dawn,

and after realizing the blunder,

my shreaking stifled the exhausted yawn,

but when heard from the start it's no wonder.

 

It was half past four and my eyes were bled,

of any moisture that they should have retained,

my brainwaves met like when two snails are bred,

though in the case told, my brain got less stained.

 

I rose from the depths of bliss filled sleep,

diving headlong toward the looming day,

by taking the first step which seemed a leap,

to Mr. Coffee, 'cause addicts obey.

 

I stood like a fanatic worshipping,

going through each motion like it was art,

the pouring, lifting, tilting, and sipping,

healing the life force that sleep tore apart.

 

Cup number five made me human again,

cup number six lifted brow from the eye,

but cup seven was the one that my brain,

needed if I had a hope to be spry.

 

Getting the minimum dosage required,

to successfuly get through college that day,

from coffee to the shower I retired,

and began to wash where odors may play.

 

While those certain members of each gender,

may likely beg for elaboration;

in consideration of the tender,

I'll omit any specification.

 

When showering, drying, and admiring,

had finally come to the process' end,

I then practiced my flirt in the mirror,

while trimming the beard that I neatly tend.

 

Surprisingly with all of the caffeine,

coarsing like rapids through each of my veins,

I made not a mistake in my routine,

sprucing myself up for each of the dames.

 

Staring at the herculean body,

flexing across the mirror before me,

feeling not in the least bit too gaudy,

I noticed my trimmings had grown shabby.

 

I howled in fright and disgust at finding,

that certain parts of my pristine person,

had overgrown with hair that was blinding,

so I fumbled for scissors while cursing.

 

Snip after snip I worked at it quite quickly,

and little by little its density waned,

finally it was short but not prickly,

and just a sparse bit of long ones remained. 

 

I considered utilizing the razor,

but how does one shave a water balloon,

no answer in sight, but nothing crazier,

the quick cutting with the scissors I did resume.

 

Coffee my dear friends makes unsteady hands,

so if you want to see part of it gone,

be like me and groom close to those two glands,

I cut the deck of the fun bag at dawn.

 

(Based on a true story.  Luckily I didn't lose anything and the injury wasn't major enough to go to the hospital.  But I say it again: Please be careful with coffee.  That stuff is dangerous.)

Reviews

[Lily1111]

This was amusing (well for me to read, clearly not for you to experience LOL). The rhyme and flow and narration of your morning were excellent.

[Dani California]

This is delightful!!

lol! I really enjoyed this immensely!
What a playful and fun write..
and I must say, your flow and rhyme are impeccable!

Sorry to hear about the injury, however :(
I am a coffee lover myself.. and espresso..
so I get the whole overamped experience.. lol

Excellent work! Thank you for sharing this! :)