Still She Waits

Still She Waits

A Poem by Iris Jayne
"

Swap Quatrain

"

In shadows dark, she waits alone

When all else fails, heart turns to stone

A love once was finds deserts stark

She waits alone in shadows dark.

 

Strong’s the sea, the wind, her pain

As midnight creeps and claims his reign

But still she stays; waits all night long

Her pain, the wind, the sea is strong.

 

She hears his voice in storms and gales

In empty words, she sinks and flails

She strains her ears, drowns all the noise

In storms and gales, she hears his voice

 

The sea and shore had been her friends

They still will be when all this ends

She bows her head and cries some more

Her friends had been the sea and shore

 

The sunrise crawls as her heart dies

Her friends, all night did not suffice

Down deep blue tides, alone she falls

Her heart dies as the sunrise crawls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


© 2010 Iris Jayne



Author's Note

Iris Jayne
it drove me insane. rhyming wears me out. but i did it! yey! hope you like it.

My Review

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Reviews

This was nicely written- I would be careful of forcing rhymes though. When you fragment as many lines as you have, the rhymes become more and more obvious, and seem more and more forced. Otherwise, I think this was a great piece.
Nice write.

-Coral-

Posted 7 Years Ago


this was exquisite
i found comfort in this expression
knowing someone waits
the same way i do sometimes


Posted 7 Years Ago


Most people would find the description of the sadness to be their favorite, but I found myself loving the lines:

The sea and shore had been her friends
They still will be when all this ends.

Very, very beautiful.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Big grins at your Author's note. If a person is not a natural rhymer, yeah, it can wear one out indeed.

"In shadows dark, she waits alone
When all else fails, heart turns to stone
A love one was finds deserts stark
She waits alone in shadows stark"

The cold, stark, brutal loneliness in these lines -- awesome. You've penned the dark mood beautifully.

I felt the noise/voice and dies/suffice rhymes were a little forced but, seeing how much you adore using rhyme, I understand :) This is one very nicely done Swap Quatrain.

Thank you for participating in the Poetry in-FORM-ation Challenge.

PS: A new challenge for the week is up! :D
http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/POETRY-in-FORM-ation%3A-The-Strambotto/10735/


Posted 7 Years Ago


The sunrise crawls as her heart dies
Her friends, all night did not suffice
Down deep blue tides, alone she falls
Her heart dies as the sunrise crawls.


magic writing - enticing into the mirrors of a persons being. cheers

Posted 7 Years Ago


your author's note is funny. it wasn't that bad, was it?
you did a wonderful job with this rhyming poem.
Melancholy written all through it. Well done!

Posted 7 Years Ago


the rhymes were beautiful. i love how you just turned the words she hears his voice in storms and gales. :) i love the story too. you feel the weight. :))

Posted 7 Years Ago


I really love this piece! Rhyming drives me crazy too... But sometimes when the words just flow... It works. :)

I love this in particular:
"Strong's the sea, the wind her pain
As midnight creeps and claims his reign"

Lovely. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on June 6, 2010
Last Updated on June 6, 2010

Author

Iris Jayne
Iris Jayne

Candon, Philippines



About
Sometimes I think I babble too much. more..

Writing
Love. Love.

A Poem by Iris Jayne



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