Second

poem by my friend Keva and me.

Walls are strangling me,

sky has fallen,

doors are open.

It has a meaning, those words

As they were spoken

Were, simultaneously, written

In blood.

Chalice is empty

poison is spilled

on the floor.

It was a picture that spoke for itself.

Reviews

[Bluefire]

"It was a picture that spoke for itself."
Indeed, it was.
I like how you paint the picture an then add this caption to it.
Well done. ^^

[isus]

thanx on reading :)

[Bluefire]

No problem. =3

[Colton Patterson]

Short with so much meaning behind it, excellent work isus.

[isus]

than

[Kira Jaye]

Fantastic imagery!! Would like to see a longer version of this.

[isus]

it might be interesting..

[PoetryPenPal]

I love the words you used. Very nice job.

[isus]

glad you like it

[PoetryPenPal]

It's hard not to, it was so good!

[stars are far]

well done .. you had this written well :)

[isus]

thanx thanx

[Rachelle]

a life wasted
shackled by despondency
hope muffled by despair

had anyone heard?
had anyone cared?

[isus]

that's really nice. is that something new?

[Rachelle]

I don't understand….
Written by me? Yes! It's my feedback to your work.

[isus]

really nice :D it might be poem

[Rachelle]

Continue it….
I don't mind.

[isus]

questions dripping in my brain,
if all the dead can be ashamed
for deeds they've doneread morequestions dripping in my brain,
if all the dead can be ashamed
for deeds they've done
in someone's name. :p

[isus]

for deeds they've done
in someone's name. (don't know why i couldnt do it in one comment, something is not right here.)

[Rachelle]

Post it. Wait. Let's figure out a title.

[isus]

you give it, most of it is yours so you should post it maybe? :)

[Rachelle]

We can call it a collaborative effort. You ended it. We'll both post it up together. By Isus and Rachelle. Can't think of any title at the moment.

[isus]

i'm not really familiar with that disaster, but if you want to, you are free :) i would just ruin it that way.

[Rachelle]

That's what I thought. Hence the deleted comment.

[Rachelle]

Ulk!!! Not meaning that you would ruin it. I meant the original work would be ruined. So so so sorry! Foot in my mouth!

[isus]

but that does not mean you can't work it out

[Rachelle]

I think I will give it some time to percolate…..
Take care!

[isus]

i understand :D didn't saw your previous comment. looking forward to see it :)

[Eddie Davis]

You paint a very vivid and somewhat mysterious image of someone despondent that has escaped impending doom by suicide. I liked the short and yet graphic word pictures. Very nicely done. One thing you might want to look at is your tenses here. Walls ARE strangling me, Sky HAS fallen, Doors ARE open. You mix past and present tense here, and I guess that is okay, but for some reason it sounded odd to me.

[isus]

nice picture you got there :) i'm not really good with grammar, but i'll see what could i do

[Baby Ricochet]

For some reason this brings to mind modern Vampire movies and series which is weird because I seldom if ever watch vampire crap. Anyway, I did like this poem.

[isus]

i dont like that vampire s**t also. anyway, thanx for reading Ric

[00000000000000000000000..]

Nicely done you two:) Short and to the point

[isus]

well thanx on reading :)

[0000000000000000000000000000]

My pleasure:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Shaquana Adams]

I like the way you write. Crisp imagery. I think one more choppy stanza will make it perfect ^-^

[isus]

well maybe, but i would never know what to add there because for me that is over, i see it ended.