Second

Second

A Poem by isus
"

poem by my friend Keva and me.

"
Walls are strangling me,
sky has fallen,
doors are open.

It has a meaning, those words
As they were spoken
Were, simultaneously, written
In blood.

Chalice is empty
poison is spilled
on the floor.

It was a picture that spoke for itself.

© 2014 isus


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Reviews

i think it would be better if it wasn't so choppy but I still thought it was very cool. I particularly liked the "chalice is empty" part it touched me. Very well done :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

thanx on reading :)
Amazing poem keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

thanx, glad you like it
melissa

9 Years Ago

Your welcome
wow! that was a great choice of words

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

thanx thanx :=
I found the words to pack a punch. I also like your choice of some words such as chalice. All in all, nice poem

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

thanx :)
I really cannot provide much help in terms of poetry. It was never really my strongest suit in school. But I will say this. The language is powerful. This might be better expanded into a particular form, unless you were aiming for free-style which then it works. For some reason I can hear this in an expanded form in something like iambic pentameter or something. Good work though.

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

i don't know if it's a free-stile but also i wouldn't shread it to some particular form.
Very intriguing. I like this. Thank you for sharing

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

no, thank you :)
I like how you put the words! Well done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

glad you like it :)
I love the language used in this, it's very powerful in my opinion. Good job Isus, i like it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


isus

9 Years Ago

thanx Brook :)

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1466 Views
28 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on March 31, 2014
Last Updated on March 31, 2014

Author

isus
isus

brod na savi, Croatia



About
nothing special. currently on earth somewhere. rather would be on moon. more..

Writing
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A Poem by isus


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A Poem by isus



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