At my expense

When you lose someone you care for, life my be a stage, but a very lonely one.

At my expense

 

 

Sawdust coated planks of worn grain and smooth edges find

toes tapping inside hard brown leather shoes,

not polished since Sunday’s pot luck

allowing scuffs formed on lonely sidewalks

to glow beneath the lights, suspended over head

 

The din of the crowd plays to my nerves, (I peek from the side)

Aunt Lucy’s pleated skirt moves involuntarily

with her words as she gossips to anyone who will listen

Politicians shake hands as they take the prime seats,

balding heads blocking views and causing children to giggle

 

Sweat beads, runs, drips on my rented suit,

speckles of gray on white linen, charging the heat

with reckless abandon as creases relax

and I adjust my belt with the precision

of the previous wearer

 

Thick fabric, paisley and purple, stained by age but still

magnificent in appearance, hide me from the gathering

of locals and visitors alike…when I hear the band ring up,

happy go lucky music brings this sense of urgency

to my ever quickly beating heart

 

Stage hands bounce back and forth and a thumbs up

lets me know it is time…

music reaches a crescendo as the curtain lifts skyward

and I am faced with the reality that has all to often been a dream

and then a nightmare

 

I step to the front, clear my throat,

begin counting the many eyes staring at me,

searching for greatness, brilliance, charm

and I read my poem…penned the day I lost you,

the day my heart shattered, the day my world ended

 

No applause today, as I stand on this sad stage

gazing at gaping mouths, wide-eyed disappointment

as I pray the curtain drops as quickly as it rose

allowing the comedian to rescue the audience with

his offering of humor…at my expense

 

 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

oh....my....
A vivid write saturated with ache and longing -I have been in this place and it is wrenching. Such a beautiful telling of it though.

[Jack...]

You know Tammy, with a friend like you I have no need to look for sunny days...they are always here. Thanks so very much.

[David Scott]

We all have those "foot in mouth" moments or even a collection of days or months...
It is a naked feeling to realize you are staging this whole event on your own misguided actions.
Well thought and penned.

[Jack...]

Thank you so much sir.

[Lily Mae]

This is what poetry is all about. When you read someone and every word shared becomes a part of your current moment. When the breath you take is soft because of sorrow and pain or a sigh in resonating with the subject. You take us there Jack.. You allow us to be spectators inside your mind and heart and allow us to covet that memory and take a piece home to our hearts and souls.. Thank you for sharing you..xo

[Jack...]

Thank you so very much my sweet friend. I sit and I write these pieces hoping only to touch someone and to find that the effort has paid of is pricless. I am truly humbled by your kind words to me.

[Stella Armour]

i have read this several times now Jack, and i have stage fright with you...i can feel those special words that you are going to share with the world...and i want to stand up.. clap my hands and shout "Bravo"

[Jack...]

Thank you so very much Stella. I truly appreciate your kind words to me.

[Keith]

Sensational write Jack. I walked out there with you feeling the anguish. Vivid images and heartfelt emotion.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Keith. Glad you felt this one.

[Magnolia]

Wow, I felt I was there with you, every step of the way, through each very moving stanza...brilliant writing indeed...Maggie

[Jack...]

Thank you for your kind words today Maggie.

[Magnolia]

You are so welcome :)

[Blue Ivory]

This is really sad. I have had the good fortune to not know stage fright. Life is lonely. So I can say I've felt it in real life, if not on stage. Great work here. I deeply enjoyed this piece.

[Jack...]

Thank you so very much my friend

[emmajoy]

I don 't know what it is about this phrase .. 'and I adjust my belt with the precision of the previous wearer.. '

It's rare for me to cry when reading poetry, can be moved, can have a lump in the throat, can be taken aback.. but this, Jack, this lifted me from where i sit and put me amonst the audience and performers you so magnificently describe: the involuntary movement of Auntie Lucy's skirt .. the balding heads blocking views, et al. But then, that penultimate stanza when the reader knows there's more tragedy than comedy standing in the shadows of this post ... gulp. And then, then.. those final words that twist the heart into wanting to hug you better then somehow calm your sadness, brighten your thoughts - perhaps an impossibibility but..

You've created a masterpiece, sincere and more.

[Jack...]

So much kindness in your words to me this morning my sweet friend. My thank yous fly to you on smiles of joy. Always I appreciate you.

[Cassie]

wow!!!!!!! I don't know how you do it. This has great imagery, the ending of it is super, this is very beautifully done. Thumbs up!!!

[Jack...]

Thank you so much sweet Cassie. Once again you bring a smile to my face.

[SteveB]

Bravo!

Rich detailed imagery with great eye for hte smallest things.
And the sadness that comes from those who wish you to entertain rather than say what you need to say. Well penned Jack. A very strong piece.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much my friend. I am so happy you enjoyed this.