SO YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, SAID THE DRAGON TO JACKA Poem by Mike Lamb A mock children's book "SO YOU'RE GOING TO DIE," SAID THE DRAGON TO JACK, "CHOPPED UP INTO BITS WITH A SLASH! AND A HACK!"
"WHO'D DO SUCH A THING?" SHOUTED JACK IN SURPRISE, "I'M IN NO MOOD FOR JOKES AND I'M SICK OF YOUR LIES!"
"THE JOKE," SAID THE DRAGON, "I'M AFRAID IS QUITE TRUE, "FOR I'VE SEEN THAT THE FUTURE DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU. "THE DETAILS ARE VAGUE, AND THE METHOD'S UNCERTAIN, "BUT NO MATTER WHAT, BE EXPECTING THE CURTAIN. "IT COULD COME FROM A FIRE TO COOK YOU LIKE STEAK, "AND WHEN YOU CRY HELP! YOU'LL BE THROWN IN THE LAKE. "YOUR SKIN WILL TURN BLACK AND THE FLAMES WILL DIE DOWN, "BUT SAVED YOU ARE NOT, FOR INSTEAD YOU WILL DROWN!"
SAID JACK TO THE DRAGON, "DON'T TELL ME THESE THINGS! "WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE SET FIRE TO YOUR WINGS?"
"CALM DOWN," SAID THE DRAGON, "THERE'S MORE WAYS TO GO, "YOU MIGHT QUIETLY DIE, OR MIGHT PUT ON A SHOW! "IT MIGHT BE JUST CLUMSY, OR TERRIBLE LUCK, "STRUCK DOWN BY LIGHTNING, OR HIT BY A TRUCK! "TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND JUMP OUT OF A PLANE, "THEY'LL SAY WHO WAS THAT GUY? WOW, HE WAS INSANE!"
"ALRIGHT LOOK, FLYING SERPENT," SAID JACK TO THE BEAST, "I DON'T THINK THAT I CARE FOR THIS TALK IN THE LEAST. "IT'S OFFENSIVE AND RUDE, AND YOU'VE CLEARLY NO TACT, "SO SHUT THE !@#? UP," TO THE DRAGON SAID JACK.
"IS THIS MAKING YOU MAD?" SAID THE SNAKE WITH A SMILE, "FOR IT'S QUITE A LONG LIST, WE MAY BE HERE A WHILE. "SO LISTEN YOUNG MAN, AND LISTEN UP GOOD." "DO I HAVE TO?" SAID JACK. SAID THE DRAGON, "YOU SHOULD.
"YOU EAT TOO MUCH BACON, YOUR HEART MIGHT EXPLODE. "YOU COULD POISON YOUR LIVER FROM LICKING A TOAD. "EATEN BY WOLVES OR MOLESTED BY BEARS, "GET AIDS FROM A MONKEY OR FALL DOWN THE STAIRS. "YOU MIGHT EVEN GET HANGED IN THE CENTER OF TOWN, "ABDUCTED BY MARTIANS OR SHOT BY A CLOWN. "MAKE UP A SYNDROME AND GIVE IT YOUR NAME, "OR DIE FROM A COLD, WOULDN'T THAT BE A SHAME? "STILL UNDECIDED? THERE MUST BE AN ANSWER. "HERE'S AN IDEA, TRY NEW SUPER-CANCER! "BUT CANCER'S A TRAGEDY, NO WAY TO DIE. "SO WHY NOT GIVE SOMETHING MORE SLAPSTICK A TRY? "HEAD CRACKED ON A TOILET FROM SLIPPING IN POO, "OR KILLED IN A DUEL WITH A MAD KANGEROO!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" SHOUTED JACK, "I'M SICK OF THIS TALK! "I'M HEALTHY, YOU HEAR? NOT AN OUTLINE IN CHALK! "THE WORLD'S FULL OF GRAVES, BUT THERE'S NOT ONE FOR ME! "YOU DON'T KNOW OF MY LIFE, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SEE! "YOU DON'T SCARE ME DRAGON, THOUGH TRY AS YOU MIGHT, "DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COWER IN FRIGHT? "THERE'S NO WAY THAT I'M DYING, IN FACT, I FEEL FINE."
"WELL YOU'RE TALKING TO DRAGONS, DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A SIGN?" © 2010 Mike LambAuthor's Note
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Added on September 11, 2010Last Updated on September 11, 2010 Tags: Dr. Suess, dragons, death, dark comedy Previous Versions Author
Mike Lambgreenville, NCAboutArtist, writer, and a drunken lunatic prophet. I am the author of Jack's Inferno, a dark comedy bizarro/horror novel about Hell, previously published through Wordplague (now defunct). I am also a pro.. more..Writing
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