My Paradise

For the one I love...♥

I tried to look for paradise
Back when my skies were gray,
When waking up was painful
And all my bonds were frayed.

 

I tried to look for paradise
When someone broke my heart,
When all my poetry turned into
Bleeding, crying art.

 

 I tried to look for paradise
When memories hurt the most.
I never could stray far from them;
They leashed me to a post. 

 

I tried to look for paradise
Back when I lost my mind,
When I always felt so lonely
And no friends could I find.

 

And then things started looking up,
My gray sky turning blue.
I stopped my search for paradise
The day my search found you.

 

Your smile warms me up inside
And melts my heart of ice.
And when I look into your eyes,
I see my paradise.

Reviews

[Christy]

I've read a few of your pieces now, and you've got some real, developing talent here. Your rhyme is unforced, you've got a good start on getting balanced meter, and you've got an awesome grasp on metaphor. I look forward to reading more!

I wrote a few poems like this my freshman year of college...brings back some memories. Keep up the good work! :-)

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

This is a very sweet write. You share your heart and part of your story so completely, so honestly - nice job. I really think the way you are able to start most of the stanzas with "I tried to look for paradise" and the piece didn't feel repetitive or slow, so great job balancing that out. I can definitely see personality and find voice within this piece. Interestingly penned, but well penned as well

[CharM105]

Awwww

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

This is truly an amazing beautiful poem.
Holds such meaning sounds very poetic, once i started reading i couldn't stop kept me engaged in the poem, truly was such a great peace.
Very romantic and sweet, and with a sweet happy ending i loved it.
Truly well worth an award :)
was so hard for me to there was so many amazing poems, urs was one that stood out :)
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR AWARD YOU DESERVE IT!

[Wicahpi]

Beautiful and Congrats on winning First Place !

[Orahemae December]

this is a really great write. i loved it. I really understand where your coming from and i hope one day i get my ending. Kodos.

[casablancavic]

This kicks a*s.

[MandarinOranges]

a simply wonderful poem! the rhyming scheme flows so well, you can hardly take notice that it rhymes at all. it doesn't have that "forced" feel that some rhymes do. well done!

good luck in the contest :)