I Will Be More 2

I Will Be More 2

A Poem by Jason Nuciola

 

 I will be more then he was.

 
 The end will be my Glory.
  
The sins of my father will be lifted.
  
I will win the fight before me and leave my opponent begging for mercy.
  
The end will be mine doing.

© 2008 Jason Nuciola



Believe It Or Not Believe It Or Not
This is my first attempt at slam poetry, and I'm excited to film a performance of this piece over the coming day.
WHAT AM I?: Nephilim WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.

Author's Note

Jason Nuciola
R.I.P DAD

My Review

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At first I thought this poem was going to be about God as a father figure or something, and I almost didn't read more...I typically stay away from religious pieces. However, I stayed, read the whole thing, and I liked it. I didn't love it, but it wasn't bad either. I think that it should have been longer, really gone into detail about how you are feeling and more about your fight, the sins of your father, etc. It would have made this poem better.

Also, the color of the words and size of the font were very distracting. I would have kept this smaller but spaced it out...and I would not have used a happy color like orange. In fact, I don't think color honestly had a place in this poem. This is an ANGRY but HOPEFUL piece. I think it would have done better just in regular, good old-fashioned black.

Still, I think this poem shows promise. I hope you don't think I'm saying you suck or anything because I don't feel that way at all. I always explain this, and I'll explain it to you, is that I am by NO MEANS a poet...half the time, I don't even get what poems are talking about, and I have no idea what constitutes a good poem. Feel free to scrap my review as useless...I'm more of a short story/novel person, so I can't exactly be the most helpful critic to a poet. Keep that in mind and take any of my poetry reviews with a grain of salt. Seriously. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is what poetry should be. Raw and powerful. Good luck with your quest.

Posted 8 Years Ago


A very touching tribute you have written here. Powerful message. I like it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is a touching tribute to your Dad...impressive write and form. Makes one think

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

At first I thought this poem was going to be about God as a father figure or something, and I almost didn't read more...I typically stay away from religious pieces. However, I stayed, read the whole thing, and I liked it. I didn't love it, but it wasn't bad either. I think that it should have been longer, really gone into detail about how you are feeling and more about your fight, the sins of your father, etc. It would have made this poem better.

Also, the color of the words and size of the font were very distracting. I would have kept this smaller but spaced it out...and I would not have used a happy color like orange. In fact, I don't think color honestly had a place in this poem. This is an ANGRY but HOPEFUL piece. I think it would have done better just in regular, good old-fashioned black.

Still, I think this poem shows promise. I hope you don't think I'm saying you suck or anything because I don't feel that way at all. I always explain this, and I'll explain it to you, is that I am by NO MEANS a poet...half the time, I don't even get what poems are talking about, and I have no idea what constitutes a good poem. Feel free to scrap my review as useless...I'm more of a short story/novel person, so I can't exactly be the most helpful critic to a poet. Keep that in mind and take any of my poetry reviews with a grain of salt. Seriously. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I can certainly relate to wanting to be different, better than my dad.. a very powerful, simple message. excellent write.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

a great "I will not go silent into that good night" statement.. very empowering.

I will be more then he was

that sentence alone rings strongly in my memory.. i can relate.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a powerful statement as to how much you have been through. "The end will be mine doing." I don't agree with the last line as that is in God's Hands
Blessings
Debby


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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405 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 1, 2008
Last Updated on October 8, 2008

Author

Jason Nuciola
Jason Nuciola

parts on know, NY



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I love to writ my storys more..

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