This Time I'm Sorry

You say, "I'm sorry"

 

Like those two simple words can actually erase the pain I feel

You claim that things just got out of hand

You just weren’t thinking clearly

 

You exclaim, “I didn’t intend to go to her, I would never purposely hurt you”

 

The irony of it all is that this is exactly what I knew would happen

I didn’t need someone to tell me a fourth or fifth time

It was unnecessary to ask where you were

Why be furious when this was always a likely outcome

 

This time I was prepared for the heartache

I was prepared to feel my heart drop

I was prepared for the salty tears on my cheek

I was prepared to hear people call me stupid and naive

 

Gossiping, “How can she allow herself to be treated like trash?”

                  “How can she keep taking him back when she knows that he’ll never stay?”

 

You claim that it was an accident, a moment of weakness

 

But how can I believe in you anymore

You forget that this isn’t the first or second time

You forget that I was a witness to all your excuses you whimpered to me in the dark

I witnessed the moments when you swore to me that she was a phase

I witnessed you explain to me that your heart can never love her like you love me

 

But that was all lies

Lies wrapped around more lies covered in even more deceit

It was me your heart could never love

It was me that took second or even third place at times

You just couldn’t let her go

 

You ask about our future together now

The wedding, growing old together

Am I ready to throw all that away based on one single act?

 

As I look in your eyes I wonder how you even fathom a question like this to ask me

Am I ready to throw all this away?

AM I READY?

…. Am I ready???? ….

 

Am I not the innocent one here, the one who’s been faithful, honest, trustworthy?

The one who keeps taking you back each time you reminisce with her

 

Do you not remember how she hurt you?

Do you not remember how I found you?

You were broken, damaged

I had to teach you how to breathe again

I had to teach you how to live again

 

 But I guess I forgot to show you how to forget about her

I skipped over the mourning process because I wanted to see you smile

 

And now you stand here silent

With this look of regret in your eyes

I guess you’re speechless now

 

You’re waiting for me to shed some more tears

For me close my eyes and try to find a place for you again in my soul

For me to forget the heartache and forgive the pain

 

But this time can’t end like the others

This time I can’t take you back

I can’t simply turn my head and act like this won’t happen again

I can’t allow my heart to be placed in your back pocket yet another time

I can’t allow my heart to be smashed and neglected once more

 

This time I’m the one who has to walk away

This time I’m the one who’s sorry….

Author's Note

I don't think I'll ever understand that saying that states it better to love and hurt than to never love at all.

Reviews

[M.Babu]

The monologue is certainly gripping and real in this piece.
The pain is well vindicated and i thought it was admirable how you just put down the feeling.

Keep writing! Nice.