MY AIDS ARMY

born with a rare form of hemophilia, i have been living with AIDS since the birth of my daughter 32 years ago...this poem is one response...

MY AIDS ARMY
each morning
wrapped in blue velvet
i rise,
brew my cup of hope
and exit to my deck...
 on the table,
under the gazebo,
where morning glories
twine with climbing roses,
i am confronted
by my personal army,
they are lined up
in military formation
high and tight,
in multicolored uniforms,
this army of pills,
my last bastion,
my final cocktail...
and it is only
a trick
a game the drugs play
in my veins,
confusing the invisible enemy,
the bloodthirsty villain
who seeks to transform
everything inside of me
into itself,
a replication living to kill me...

sometimes i wonder
how these pills,
lacking living insight,
decide, each day...
which one will lead
the charge into
“the valley of death”

AIDS...

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

This is a very distinctive poem, both in concept and the way it is written, on this website. I must say I haven't come across another poem on this site pertaining to AIDS, or any other STDs for that matter. I am very sorry to hear that you have to live with it, and I hope to God that they one day find a cure for it, or at least make something that can make its effects less serious.

[jeannemarie coulter]

AIDS is not just an STD it is a virus that is transmitted by blood and blood products as well...when this epidemic hit humanity it was thought to be, but it is a virus that finds the perfect home in human blood and has infected over 80% of hemophiliacs in the world...that is how it infected me as i was born with von willibrands disease which is a form of hemophilia...since my husband and i did not do drugs or "sleep around" we thought we were safe from the disease...how foolish that is...my husband and daughter are both HIV - thank the lord for his kindness in that...the blood product in this country was not being tested until 1986...i gave birth to my daughter in 1982...it took 9 units of cryoprecipitate to make my blood coagulate properly thus we know the precise time and day of my infection...there is still about a 1% chance of catching the virus from blood product even now...pharmacuetical companies have developed some drugs that essentially trick the virius to keep it from replicating...that is the basis of the "drug cocktails" available for HIV infected people such as myself...as long as i keep on taking the pills i have a chance to continue to live...it makes a strange life pattern for me but i am alive and glad i am...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is such a heavy piece...the war against some diseases have inevitable endings...and they are not good.

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you for the inspiring words...i will keep fighting as long as i am able...and try to share the knowledge i have gained in this battle through words shared...jc

[....................]

we trick death around each corner by trying to live as healthy as possible but there are some who battle death each day... your army of pills are to be congratulated for leading your charge in this battle and you are to be commended for writing about your challenges in a vividly clear way that shines full of hope and love... this is a piece I will carry with me for those times when i think I have troubles... thanks you for sharing... FT

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you for the critique of my words about living with AIDS...and blessings to thee each day...

[....................]

you are kindly welcome, Jeannemarie

[JayceeC]

I like that you have been writing about this experience head on. I think AIDS is a disease that is hugely being ignored in favor of others by popular media. You're a fighter, and continue to fight, because there really is no other choice. Someone once said something to me about how strong I was to be able to raise my children who have disabilities. I remember thinking, "They're my children. What choice is there" and feeling like only my nose was above water. People had no idea and didn't care to know. I hope that is not your case. At least here there are those of us who are interested.
I'm sure you hate and are thankful for your Army in equal measures; I would be. But they allow one more morning...and you special place sounds beautiful. It's a blessing to take stock of beauty on a regular basis. Many people take it for granted.
Hugs Jan

[jeannemarie coulter]

thank you for your kind words...i admire your ability to raise disabled children...i only have one daughter...the blood product used during her birth infected me with AIDS...thank heavens and all great spirits she did not become infected by me, nor did her father my beloved husband, cancer took him in 97 but he did not have to deal with AIDS as well...my daughter is my care giver as well as a writer of short dark fiction...there is still no cure for AIDS, but in the last few years they have come up with some meds that block it before infection...my daughter and i often speak to middle and high school children about living with AIDS in order to encourage safe sex habits as living with the disease limits the quality of life for individuals who are infected...thank you once more for the kind read and words about my poem...

[JayceeC]

JC thats a wonderful mission. I'm glad you and your daughter are close. Would love to see some of her work if it is not too graphic. Having a graphic memory is a blessing and curse. Once something is in my head the image does not easily leave, so I have to watch that even as a reviewer.

[dan]

AIDS is an insidious disease, but I admire how directly you describe it's egregious nature, no sugarcoating, no embellishment. I don't know much about the disease; I know when the big AIDS SCARE happened it was pretty much a death sentence (see Tom Hanks if "Philadelphia") but have not heard much about it lately. Is it curable now? Or at least manageable? You must have a huge daily med regimen to follow (I just have bipolar disorder and have 12 meds I take daily). I know we just met, but I noticed in one of your replies that you have a 32 yo child. My son turned 32 in February, so I'm guessing we're about the same age. If you ever need an ear, I'm a good listener. I know that's asking a lot, we don't know each other, but the offer stands. I hope you have a good day today, then on to tomorrow. take care...dan

[jeannemarie coulter]

since i was born with a rare form of hemophilia... blood product was needed to make my blood coagulate when i gave birth to my daughter...i am rare in that i know the precise hour and day i was infected...i would not have changed anything if i had been warned of the possible infection as giving birth to my only child required blood product and in 1982 they were not testing blood or blood products for the AIDS virus...testing started in 1986...we still have no cure but they have come up with some meds that keep us alive by playing tricks on the virus to keep it from replicating...thank you for your kind and generous words...blessed be to thee...

[dan]

I wish you continued relief with the med regimen. take care...dan

[wordman]

a great and creative write,i hate the fact that you have aids

[kbegor]

The way you play with words in this poem is amazing. Such as brew my cup of hope and the army of pills. I look ford to reading more from you

[Coyote Poetry]

Medication. Needed and can be scary. Hard when we need medication to keep us alive. You create bad situation and described with honest and direct form. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote