Shattered

Trying to understand my feelings I decided to write some things down.

Every day the struggle it feels so real,

Same thing over and over again

Putting aside who I am, how I feel

I want to try and put it to an end.

 

The more I try, the harder it resists and fights

Overpowering the various senses, and try as I might.

When I see her I am filled with equal parts joy and sorrow.

At the end of the day, I know we will never have our tomorrow.

 

She can’t imagine how this feels.

To see her every day, it’s like a movie changing reels

Every time I think make progress it gets switched out and swapped

This makes it very hard as when I see her, my heart stops.

 

I know her and I will never be, I have to accept that is the way it has to be

The illusion I have of her and I is like a mirror, it reflects what I really desire and want to see

I just need to shatter it and be stuck, with all the pain and all of the bad luck.

I swear man, sometimes having feelings really does suck.

Author's Note

I know it doesn't contain proper technique, I just wanted to find a way to put out the things I have been feeling. Just wanted to put it out there, in hopes I will understand my feelings.

Reviews

[RubyOmma]

Hmmn, I am torn here. I love your images, but I think the sentences get to long for poems sometimes. The word various is too big and throws the reader off. But all in all, this is a really great piece of work. I can feel it. I love the "when I see her" line. Well done. I love the mirror image with the bad luck of finally breaking through and seeing what happens in the next phase of life. But try to break up your images more, and have them be single pieces. Use the power sparingly so it has a lot of uumph, if you know what I mean. I did really love reading it and you obviously have talent. Thank you for sharing. Please return the favor by reviewing one of my pieces?

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks for the review. I will look into altering various, maybe find another word or remove it as it still works with just "overpowering the senses". I had a feeling some of the sentences were a touch long, given the poem format. I kept trying to make it rhyme (even though it doesn't always need to) it does make some things go a little longer than desired, I am still working on that. I look forward to reading some of your work shortly.