Shame on Me

I can't keep falling into the same old traps. I will never be healthy or happy if i can't fix the problems internally.

I'm afraid I have hit a bit of a wall,

I look in the mirror and I haven't changed at all.

I poured out my emotions, and let everyone see,

The real pain I hide because of the overweight me.

I have fallen right back into the same old habits,

From soda to pizza and ice cream, I'm right back at it.

I was doing better for a surprising length of time,

I've fallen again, and the fault is only mine.

How many times can I keep saying the same thing?

Ok this time is different, false words start to sting.

I am better than I allow myself to be,

What is it that I lack to really change me?

I have support of family and friends this time,

But I am letting them all down, one bad choice at a time.

Using them as an excuse, shameful,

I am only letting me down if I am truthful.

The reasoning is becoming more alien to me,

I hate what I see, so why can't I change me?

Is there a fundamental flaw, holding me back?

Something preventing me from overcoming what it is I lack?

Do I need to sit down and talk to someone?

Writing things down is nice, maybe I need some one on one.

Because I can't, I just can't keep doing this that's for sure,

My words have essentially become something of a hollow gesture.

Like the boy who cried wolf, again and again,

When it's real, who will be around for me then?

The prospect of being alone with this, scares me,

If I don't actually do something constructive, alone I will be.

My fate is far from sealed, I can still change it,

I just need to put some real effort into it.

Author's Note

As always review if you like. I always love to hear your thoughts.

Reviews

[Norman 223]

You write very fluently,in that you use everyday language to put your point across. Your love of rhyming shows a high degree of thought and effort in your style of portraying emotion. So despite your closing linesJoshua; you are constructive
.Learning to love your strengths is the path to overcoming your fears.
Keep writing!!

Norman

[Truths reflection]

WOW!!
You let me enter a world full of emotions.
I don't know much about writing poems.
What I know is that in any piece of writing you should touch the readers heart, and make them be for more nd believe me you have done way more that that. goo job and keep it up!!:) *-*

[Deenaidoo]

I don't know fuckall about writing poems so I can't give you advice but......I'm a McNay fan*does a happy dance*

[SuMM3rGiRl777]

Nice! I love it. Good rhyming, for me it is. ^_^ Write more! He he.

[paperfox]

This is only my opinion mind. Forget about losing weight and beating yourself up over it. ONLY the mind can be beautiful and unlike mere looks, that beauty can hold. Life is waaaaaaaaay too short.
I bet if you focused on poems and stories that helped and inspired you would feel great about yourself. Throw yourself into that and good things will happen. Only my opinion mind.
You like to rhyme. I'm a fellow rhymer ... I guess it's in our makeup. Sorry to score only 50. But I know that you have the potential to write a masterpiece ... go on ... you know you want to :)

[zaisham9393]

The rhyme scheme is amazing.Nice flow and I enjoyed reading.
Thank You for sharing with me .

[BlaqkShadow]

This is a very emotional piece, the lines "I am better than I allow myself to be,
What is it that I lack to really change me?" really stuck with me as I feel this way all the time, in fact the whole poem speaks to me on several levels. It's beautiful and well written , well done, keep up the brilliant work friend XxXx

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you! I am happy you enjoyed it. I can't really say I enjoyed writing it but it was liberating in a way. If it speaks to someone else, that is amazing. Thank you again!

[Dogbomb3]

Hi, good work Joshua. Stay away from that pizza! ha ha.

I thought the start was light, the rhymes work perfectly and it flows well. I feel a bit like this is two poems as it changes somewhere in the middle and becomes darker, more frustrated.

I would love to read more of the first half!

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks for the review! I think it got darker because as I wrote it, I got more down. Happy it came across that way. I am glad you liked it, and maybe I will work on writing more like the first half.

[Hannah]

A lot of the time, the first step to overcoming problems is to admit that they exist. Everyone feels shameful sometimes, but we can't give up on ourselves. Just putting "some real effort into it" is exactly the cure. Good luck, Joshua. I hope you can pick yourself up.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you for the review. Finding something to make me put effort is oddly difficult, but I am working on it. Writing this helps, thank you again.