Withdrawal

Last night I woke and put pen to paper. half or so later I had written something I think helps me express my feelings a little clearer. One step closer to peace.

To me your friendship was my drug,

Right now I need rehab not a damn hug.

I’m heartbroken,

It’s hard for me to be soft spoken.

It’s been about a week since I lost my best friend,

This isn’t how I’d ever thought it’d end.

The pain is weird, it doesn’t make sense to me,

The confusion and questions have started overtaking me.

Trying to piece together where it went wrong,

Were my words too harsh? Did I come on too strong?

I don’t take back what I said, I meant every word,

Was my honesty misplaced, perhaps you misheard.

Regardless, either way you chose the easy out,

To set aside our friendship so you could pout.

I really want to hate you right now,

As if that would make me feel better somehow.

In truth I hope that you are happy,

To think otherwise would be childish and petty and well…crappy.

Despite my feelings of anger towards you,

In time it will pass, as all emotions do.

We used to be close, and at times it was scary.

Our friendship was weird; it was far from ordinary.

It started out as a crush, followed by misplaced love,

Ended up best friends, like divinity from above.

You filled a void that I thought I was lacking,

You would push me to write, no excuses, no more slacking.

We had our little lunches, and dinners too,

It meant the world to me, because I was with you.

It didn’t matter what we had or where we went,

We’d just sit and talk, let each other vent.

I would often call you just to talk about my day,

You would help ease all of my troubles away.

Talking to you always relaxes me,

Something about your voice, really soothed me.

Together we’d celebrate our ups and downs,

Like when I got published, or when you missed your boyfriend who was out of town.

We were a pair for the good as well as the bad,

So perhaps now you see why saying we aren’t friends makes me so mad.

All that we have been through together,

You’d think our friendship was strong enough to withstand this better.

I am obviously wrong, because you won’t speak to me.

Were my words that hurtful? Or was it just that easy way to walk away from me?

I want to talk to you, I want to text, I want to call.

But groveling to you and begging for attention, changes nothing at all.

It feels like a break up, in the most basic sense.

My heart hurts, because this really doesn’t make sense.

The times we were a part of each other’s lives,

Can’t be so easily forgotten or cast aside.

I have no one now to tell of the monotony of my day,

No one to take the bad feelings away.

I never thought I would care for you this much,

Once I got over my crush, you became more than a friend, you became a crutch.

The need to speak to you is eating away at me,

I don’t know how you are, and that’s killing me.

You are such a big part of my life,

To have you gone like that, might as well just grab the knife.

Cut out my heart and throw it away,

I’d give anything to have this feeling simply fade away.

Sure in time you will be nothing more than a memory,

But right now the thought of you still haunts me.

For everything we were, best friends we said,

I can’t stop replaying it over and over in my head.

I love you Yolanda and I always will,

And it hurts me so much, our friendship you chose to kill.

Author's Note

I welcome any and all opinions, thoughts and critiques. If you like it let me know! If you hate it let me know! Changes or suggestions let's hear them! I am open to all of it. Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[zaisham9393]

This is very relatable to me, so I guess I am not alone, I bet we all have people in our lives who leave us, and it hurts , but then you realize what happened, was for the best because it was not real.If someone really cares, they won't leave.

Thank you for sharing :)!

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you for the review! It's nice to know we aren't alone, it's sad that people do this to us though. Thanks again.

[zaisham9393]

I agree.You are welcome :)!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think that those who are our true friends always remain with us. And those who go away aren't good enough. This composition is very heart-touching. I loved reading it ☺

[ReedWrite]

I love this. It is beautiful in in simplicity, depth, angst, and raw emotion.
You also generate rich imagery...pulling up personal memories that paralleled your tale...paralleled your pain.
Beautiful poem.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you! I am happy you enjoyed it.

[Wicahpi]

A powerful statement of hurt, loss, love, friendship, hardship, relationship ... gone awry.
Be it death, a breakup, growth and/or change, separation is heart wrenching even in the best of times.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can relate.

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you for the review!

[LovePoetry0004]

Really great, just wish you could fing different words to replace the cuss. Was good but I think it came on a little stronger then I like for my taste.

[Joshua McNay]

Thanks for the review. I did remove the swearing, it doesn't change the poem much to leave it in so I just went ahead and took it out. I couldn't find something else so easier to remove. I am happy you liked it even if a little stronger than you prefer.

[Annie Nicole]

Life is confusing... the way it can play out... sometimes at first it doesn't make any sense at all... it may never make sense... but sometimes we just have to trust that everything that is supposed to happen will happen.. have faith and be strong. Your poetry is very truthful and is filled with so much meaning. Many people will be able to relate to this. Thank you for sharing this with us!

[Joshua McNay]

Thank you Annie. I am trying to be strong but when she pop in I'm a mess. So it's a struggle for sure. I am happy that (well happy is a poor word choice) people can relate to this. It's not something I would want anyone to go through but knowing there are others makes it better in a way.