If I Can't Have His Love

Lyrics I wrote sometime back.

She walked into the barroom, where he sat with Nelly Mae,

She looked them over closely, and then I heard her say;

You're a mighty pretty woman, and he's such a foolish man,

And if I can't have him lady, then nobody can.

If I can't have his love, and his arms around me tight,

If I can't have him home with me, instead of here at night,

If I can't give him what he needs, to prove he is a man;

If I can't have him lady, then nobody can.

 

The tears were falling from her eyes, she trembled as she spoke;

The only thing you care about, is a barroom filled with smoke,

I saw the glisten of the gun, held tightly in her hand,

She looked at him and whispered, I hope you understand.

If I can't have your love, and your arms around me tight,

If I can't have you home with me, instead of here at night,

If I can't give you what you need, to prove you are a man,

If I can't have you baby, then nobody can.

 

He just sat and looked at her, there was nothing he could say,

He knew he had to pay the price, for the love he'd gave away,

She pulled the trigger and he fell at her feet there on the floor,

And I strained to hear the words she spoke as she walked out the door.

I tried to warn you baby, I'm not the fooling kind,

But you wouldn't listen, Just wanted what was mine.

Now you belong to no-one,for you lie dead and still,

No, if I can't have you baby, Nobody ever will.

 

Reviews

[Jonathan Cordova]

Well.. It took a while but i got around to reading this piece... and let me say i think im a little afraid of you now... teehee j/k... but seriously, totally reminds me of a dixie chicks song or something, I could totally hear the modern country rock stylings of this... its got all it needs a message and flow and a purpose... you should consider getting someone to try and sing it... or sing it yourself ( dont know if your musically inclined but heck try it anyway!!!) but i digress it was a fun little read for me keep up the great work!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Now that is the way to keep the one you love... powerful lyrics that ring an all to real in this world... I'dreally love to hear this put to music... outstanding my friend.

[Fran Marie]

WoW!!! and Double WoW! this is a fantastic lyrical piece/ballad

with rhyming and cadence spot on ~ Outstanding!! Write my friend~

Fran Marie

[David Lewis Paget]

Brilliant! No.... brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I love the story line, and the repetitive quality of the refrain. Though I'm not that familiar with American traditions, I would say that it's more of a lyric than a poem, and so this excuses the occasional lapse in the metre.
However, from a poetry point of view, the last verse, l.1
'He just sat and looked at her, there was nothing he could say,'
(He just sat and looked for there was nothing he could say,')
Line 2 - 'the love he'd 'gave' away' rankles, should be 'given' but of course, that would destroy the metre. To smooth it out, something like - 'He knew the price for hidden love he'd have to pay that day,' - (not brilliant, but just to illustrate the metre).
In the next line, 'at her feet' jumbles the metre again.
'She pulled the trigger and he fell stone dead there on the floor,'
I think the word 'I' could be safely inserted before 'just wanted what was mine.'
In the final two lines, if you juxtaposed 'no-one' and 'nobody' it would fix the problem there.

'Now you belong to nobody, for you lie dead and still,
If I can't have you baby, No-one ever will.'

Sorry to be picky over a piece that's so vital, alive and accomplished, but there you have it. (Can't help myself - metre is so important!)
Of course, if it was being sung, that would be different, as there are all sorts of ways to lengthen/shorten lines when singing.
Great one, Norma.

[Sarah]

I LOVE THIS. It's spectacular. I love the way it's written like dialogue, and tells a beautiful tale about romance, and what people will do for the ones they love. >:) The repetition is fantastic - and where usually I'd just skip over what I already read - I couldn't wait to read those lines again & again. This is one of my favorites, great job! =)

[Cyanide Suicide]

wow...brilliant. :] it kind of amuses me in some sadistic way...>>

it flows very well. ^^

[Leslie Thompson]

great write..........it just might help keep me single LOL

[Ladysue]

Wow, Norma, a very powerful write. Sadly possessiveness and jealousy can overtake some people and lead
them into really bad situations. It flowed beautifully. phenomenal write.

[Barry S. Maltese]

oooh, what posessive feelings lead to is always disaster. So many murder-suisides start with those same posessive feelings. Granted, he was not worth much. He was a two-timing cheat, but now she will do time in jail for a man who wasn't even worth the price of the bullet. I'd have kicked his butt out and shown him just what he was missing.
Great write. The rhyme flows well, and the meaning stands out clearly. It would make a great song.

[Antony]

Jealousy and betrayal at its finest moment, you captured that with this poem. This is written very well Norma.
Tony

[Badmac (Brenda )]

Wow.
now this I loved
I could see myself in this write
sad but true.
If my hubby was cheating.
Well I would go crazy
and who knows what might happen.

Brenda