Skin's Surface

Skin’s Surface

                Everyone has their secrets. Everyone has a past. Whether they choose to still dwell in it or not even acknowledge it, it’s still there. We all have our scars and broken hearts. Everyone has their story to tell. My story starts in May of 1970. A beautiful baby girl was born. Stacey May Elson, my mother. She grew up to be a neurosurgeon. Her job relied on her availability at any given moment, whether she liked the hours or not, she dealt with them. It was there that she met my father. He was a young anesthesiology resident. It was true love at first sight. Every year, he’d buy her the biggest bouquet of flowers he could afford. He’d hand them to her along with a stuffed bear each year on Valentine’s Day. She didn’t pay him any time of day. She was far too busy with working to handle love. In 1997, he proposed to her in front of the whole hospital staff, she of course said yes. They were young and in love and ready to start a family. This is when I was conceived. In April of 1998, I popped out as healthy as a horse. They couldn’t have been happier even if Jesus Christ had delivered me himself. They did all they could for me in effort to keep me as happy as life would allow.

 

                A year later in June of 1999, my little brother was born. Dakota Wayne was a stubborn little boy but I grew attached to him easily. He was a crybaby to tell you the truth, but I didn’t mind. Now I wasn’t an only child. My parents loved us with everything they had. They built my brother a room full of action figures and crime fighters. Things were going great for us and our family; it was like a fairy tale. Well, it was until a big roadblock suddenly appeared. It was one that would change our lives forever.

 

                About two years after I was born my mother did some things that I hope she will never be proud of. She was involved with drugs and trafficking of drugs. When they arrested her I was sent off to live with my aunt. She had three kids of her own so the house was going to be crowded. I was nervous considering I didn’t really know a lot about my aunt or my cousins. I just knew that no matter what, I was going to keep Dakota safe. My mom used to say I was one going on fifteen. Apparently I was an advanced toddler. I could already walk and talk in full sentences and caught onto things really quickly. My mom left us and we didn’t get to see our dad anymore. I soon realized that I wasn’t very liked in the household. Even though I cleaned, cooked most of the time, and made sure everything was good for Nanny, no one liked me. They said I wasn’t anything but a dirty pushover.

 

                That all changed the night I turned five years old. I was still taking care of my little brother and still cleaning up after everybody. It was my fifth birthday so yes I was excited and yes I fought back. I didn’t want to have a party though because they’d do what they do every year at my party, beat me up. I only dealt with my cousins hitting me because if I fought back then it would only get worse. If I didn’t win the fight then my aunt would make me clean the whole house and pick her toes at night. If I even dare fell asleep she’d wake my cousin up and have her dump cold water all over me or beat me up again. My teacher’s always wondered why I was so cranky in the mornings before nap time; it was because I had a lack of sleep.

 

                My aunt wouldn’t allow me to play any sports either. Not that it would have mattered; I was too tiny to play. I would have been broken in an instant. I didn’t have strong bones because I didn’t get the calcium and fiber I needed during the most significant growing stage. My aunt would always throw my food in the garbage and tell me if I wanted it to go eat it. I wouldn’t of course. I don’t know why she picked me to hate on, but even to this day I have not forgiven her for anything she’s done. I cannot stand seeing her or talking to her. When I see her pudgy, smooshed face, rage fills up inside of me.

 

                There was one night during my stay at my aunts where I was hurt to the point of self-harm. My aunt decided since it was Halloween night that she was going to try to scare us. She went and dropped off her boyfriend down at the old haunted house. She was going to drive us down there and pretend we ran out of gas while he jumped out of the side window of the house. Well while they drove down there, my aunt left everyone at the trailer. My little brother and cousins went outside to hang out. My oldest cousin took me into a room and told me not to scream that he wasn’t trying to hurt me. He raped me until I couldn’t feel my bottom half. It was painful and degrading. I’ve never forgiven him and I never plan to. I didn’t tell anyone until my seventh birthday.

 

                After five long, grueling years of living with my aunt and dealing with her torture, my mom finally won back custody of us. Things started to get much better. My parents made sure we got enough food and whatever we wanted. We were the typical American family, but with our own little twist. My parents moved us out into the country and away from the city stress. One by one my mom started collecting dogs. She said they kept her company while we were at school and dad was at work.

               

Despite all of the happiness, there were multiple bitter arguments hidden beneath the surface of our seemingly perfect family. Every night it would be about something different. Whether it was about the car payment or the mortgage, it lasted all night and often involved physical violence. It looked like even love couldn’t hold this relationship together. When I was seven years old, I was a happy little child. One night, I was at my babysitters and she was about to lay me down to sleep.  The phone rang so she went to answer it. I had just finished my sundae when she picked me up and basically threw me in the car. She looked worried, as if she was afraid. I didn’t bother to ask questions. I just did as I was told. I remember having to stop by my Uncle’s house and pick up Dakota. After that, it all became a blur. We were at the hospital in the emergency waiting room. I kept asking what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me.

 

Finally, the doctor came out and tried to talk to her but she was crying too hard. My uncle talked to him instead. My babysitter was really close to our parents at the time so it’s understandable. Dakota and I went back to my uncle’s that night. We slept there and he told us he had something to tell us in the morning. We woke up extra early and ran into his room to get our surprise. He wasn’t moving at all. I tapped him several times and he just wouldn’t wake up. There was a bottle of pills open beside his body. Dakota thought it was candy so he tried to eat it. That is the only time I have ever cursed at him. We ran back into the living room and I called for help. They told me to slow down and tell them where we were. All I could say was my uncle’s house. They traced the call and soon showed up. I felt helpless as they pronounced him dead and took him out of the house and into the ambulance. I cried for hours upon hours after that. Dakota was crying because we didn’t get our surprises. I don’t think it registered in his brain yet that it was the last time we’d ever see our uncle again.

 

When all of that was over, we went back to my babysitter’s house. I was wondering where mom and dad were. They’d never left us with someone else for that long. I began to get worried and so did Dakota. That afternoon, our aunt told us what happened. It was a car crash that took away my parents’ lives. They weren’t there to rock us to sleep anymore, they weren’t there to feed us when we wanted it, and they weren’t there to show us how to be us. I lost my mom when I needed her most. School was awful for me. Kids picked on me relentlessly; they didn’t care if I was hurting. If you’ve ever heard the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” then you know just how untrue that statement can be. Words hurt and they leave emotional scars. Because of the children I grew up with and am still growing up with, I was diagnosed with depression at the age of eleven. My psychiatrist said that I was supposed to be much too young to have depression but it was apparent that I did. Without my parents kissing away the hurt, it made me crack more and more every day.

 

School for Dakota was just as bad. Kids in school tease him and say: “What, are you going to run home and cry to your mommy? Oh wait, that’s right you don’t have one. Ha-ha!” I can only sympathize with him because I go through the same pain he does. Our grades are below average due to the bullies we have. They’ll take our homework just so we can get in trouble. We can’t overpower them but we try to outsmart them. Which with certain students, it isn’t that hard to do. I remember one day Dakota came home with bruises and cuts all over him. We reported it to the school but of course they didn’t do anything about it. All of the authority at the school grew up with our parents. Also, the people that work at the school were classified as the popular preps when they were in school. My parents refused to let the preps bully them. They stood up for themselves and even won in a revolt against them. My mother won Prom Queen all four years in a row; she was such a beauty. She had the smarts, the personality, and she was quite a looker, which is why Mrs. Queen Bee of the preps, Taylor Tauten, was jealous of her. So even if we did report the incidents to the authority they’re going to say oh well and send us back to class. That’s our corrupt system for you.

 

My high school years weren’t really any better than my middle school ones. I took all the advanced placement classes and a little extra. I was on the cheerleading squad too. I also played volleyball on the varsity team. Sounds great, huh? Well actually, I guess it was up until my junior year. At the beginning of the year I fell ill. It was awful; I had to be hospitalized for the remainder of the year. It started off as a simple visit to the optometrist. I was just supposed to go for a checkup. My foster mom came and got me from school and took me to his office. When he called us back he asked if I had been having any issues with my vision. I told him no and that everything was fine. He sat me in the chair that makes me feel like I’m a Queen and had me lean back. He studied the pictures he took of my eyes extensively. He seemed puzzled. Without saying a word to me he called and scheduled an appointment with some other doctor for me. The doctor looked at my mom and told her to get me to that address immediately. I could barely stand up before she was dragging me along the hallway carpet.

 

When we got there the doctor pulled us back immediately. He took several tubes of blood and said he needed it for testing. The doctor then told me that there was a high chance that I had Leukemia and that it ran in our family which of course means I may have the gene.  My optometrist had apparently found an excess amount of blood cells floating around in my eyes. Sounds a bit weird, right? Well, he told us he’d call us when he got the results in to let us know.  My mom held onto me as we walked out the doors. My mind was racing as was my heart. When we got home I just slept. That’s all I cared to do. I didn’t want any food, I didn’t want to go hang out with anyone, and I didn’t want any more stress. As far as I was concerned, that would only make it worse. I just slept until we got the call the next day. He said he had wanted us to come into the office. I really couldn’t feel any emotion but my mom couldn’t stop crying.

 

We got there and went back into the results room. He looked directly at me and said, “Yes ma’am, you have Leukemia.” It felt like my heart had just sunk into my stomach. This meant I couldn’t do any sports, not much movement, and it meant I had to lose my hair in order to be able to do chemo sessions. I was definitely not up for this at all, but I guess if I wanted to live I had to be. I was willing to do whatever it took for me to live. He said we could start doing chemo tomorrow but in order for me to be ready I needed to get my head shaved tonight. I knew for a fact that when it happened I was going to cry. Before we left my mom thanked the doctor as he assured her I’d be fine. This was just the perfect way to end my day right?

 

Mom called the beauty shop and asked if her friend could squeeze me in. She threw in that it was the doctor’s orders and suddenly a spot opened up. Going to the salon to shave my hair was a basic nightmare for me. I guess it was worth living for though. I already got picked on enough so shaving my head was only screaming, “MAKE FUN OF ME SOME MORE!” Who would I tell about this? They’re going to think that I did this just to get attention. Oh and prom was coming up. I had to get a wig or something. There was no way I was going to Prom with a bald head. That is if a guy even asks me. I had been waiting forever for a certain guy to notice that I was alive but he never did. I was just another unknown face amongst the crowd, certainly no one that he longed to know. He was happy with his football friends and cheerleading girlfriend. The only guy who talked to me there was that nerd Jason. I think he stalked me all throughout high school.

 

The lights in the salon were dimmed and she had music playing. I don’t know why but she was dancing in the middle of the room too. Growing up in this town, I know quite a lot of nutty people. She wrapped the hair umbrella thingy whatever around my neck.  I heard the clippers turn on and I legitimately almost started to cry. One by one my hair locks fell to the ground in front of me. When it was all done I looked completely different. It was almost as if I had made a complete transformation. I was so not ready for school the next day.

 

The sunlight beaming through my window caused me to wake up. Damn my mom, she always opens my curtains early in the morning in efforts to get me up on time. If anything, I didn’t want to go to school today. Realizing I had to, my mom threw my jeans at me and told me to get the hell up. I got up and threw on an old t-shirt and slipped on my skinny jeans. I wore my old converses that day. Hopefully, they’d think I was a new kid, some boy. I don’t know but the majority of that school could fall for it. Even some of the teachers could be convinced. My mom drove me to school this morning so the people on the bus wouldn’t know that it’s me. My heart raced and I threw on an old beany hat. I was wearing my brother’s sunglasses and had my breasts tucked in under a bandage wrap. I stepped out of the car and everyone stared. No one knew it was me. I was just some cool new dude that the girl’s seemed to take an interest to.

 

My counselor even pulled me into the office for orientation. She asked for my parents to come to school to settle my files and I responded that they were out of town. She fell for it of course. Her voice was friendly and polite, something I’ve never heard before. She said that I was allowed to go through classes today to pick out my schedule. I just had to have my parents visit the school when they came back. It was going to be pretty easy. She handed me an old binder and directed me to my biology class. Third period biology, this is the class that my crush was in, so was the nerd. Mr. Huntin sat me with one of the preppiest chicks in the building. To keep from breaking my cover, I smiled at her the way my crush smiled at me. I wondered if she would melt inside just as I did. Anyways, we were supposed to be dissecting a frog today. Supposed to be are the main key words. Her hands were up and down my body and she was whispering in my ear. This was getting pretty awkward for me.

 

I finally finished the dissecting and she finally took her hands off of me. I only smiled that smile and looked ahead. She held my hand under the table while Mr. Huntin continued to lecture us in the front of the class room about correct cutting techniques and how to correctly remove the spleen. At this point my stomach was almost lurching. The bell rang and saved me from turning our biology class into a barf fest. At lunch my crush invited me to hang out with him after school. I said yes and walked over to a table alone. He looked at me with a smile on his face. As soon as I set my tray down, Mister Nerd sat beside me.

“I know who you are.”

“No you don’t, I’m new here. Who the hell are you?” I tried to maintain my best guy voice.

“I’m Austin and you’re Jenny. Don’t lie, I know how you walk.”

He was really freaking me out right about now. I wasn’t sure how he knew it was me but he knew. He was completely sure about it. There literally were no hints of doubt in his voice.

“Good to know you stare at my a*s Austin.”

“Mhm I know, so exactly why are you dressed as a dude?”

“Long story Austin. I’d much rather just sit and eat my lunch than interrupt the awkward silence between us.” I guess he finally took a hint because he spoke not another word after I told him that. His face just relaxed and he munched on the cafeteria food. Kacey and Tracey, the acclaimed hottest twins in school were staring at me. I couldn’t help but flash a smile towards them. The day was drawing to an end and I already had seven of the cutest girls in school give me their numbers. Word around school was that my new lab partner had the hots for me too. The bell sounded and I was instantly surrounded at my locker. It was like trying to push through a brick wall. I sat outside for a bit and waited for my mother to arrive. The sky darkened overhead and half naked girls ran from the swimming pool that they used for training. Not a single one ran by without mentioning something to me. I had always wondered what popularity felt like. It gives off a sudden rush of adrenaline. I sensed that it was much more difficult to be popular as a girl than it was as a boy. With guys, all you have to have is abs and nice hair. With girls, you have to have the brains, hair, body, smell, etc. I wonder if it ever gets to be too much for them, or if they really do have perfect lives.

 

Remembering I was supposed to hang with my crush Kevin, and the fact my mom was already late, I texted my mom and told her not to worry about picking me up. I was spending time with a guy. My legs trudged through the dark neighborhood and out onto the puddled streets. The sky was dropping rain droplets on each paved road. They seemed to drop with a pattern. Finally, after an hour of walking through soaking rain, I reached his house. Lights were flickering behind each window and I could hear laughter. The doorknob was cold beneath my hand as it turned slightly to the right. Kevin’s face appeared in the door window. He was smiling as he let me inside.

 

“So, dude. What took ya so long?” His voice was inviting.

“Couldn’t catch a ride and well it’s raining.” My voice cracked a little and I had hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“It’s cool. I understand man. Get in here before you get sick. Here I have a shirt you can borrow.”

“Thanks bro.”

“No problem. So you said your name was Devin right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“No reason. Anyways so have you met anyone you like here at the school?”

“Yeah, I mean I guess Kacey’s alright.”

“Man, you don’t want that. I’ve tapped that p***y to where it ain’t tight.”

I was speechless. How in the hell was I supposed to respond to that? My stomach was rotating and twirling.

“No bro, I’ma let you go change and then come up to my room.”

“OK.”

He handed me the shirt and showed me to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and took the wet shirt off. I took a deep breath as I unraveled the bandages from my chest. I had to breathe for a bit. His mom knocked on the door to check on me so I had her dry the bandages. I told her I had hurt my ankle and that’s why I had the ace wrap. She didn’t ask any more questions and simply tossed it in the dryer. When she gave it back I made sure I was completely dried off and had a pair of Kevin’s shorts to wear. I reapplied the bandages and dressed myself again. As far as I could see, I was just the average good looking guy. I wiped off mascara from the day before and left the glasses off. My beany was dried as well and was back on my head. The walk to his bedroom seemed to take forever. Maybe it was only because I was in a new place and not used to anything. Maybe it was just because I was nervous. Either way it lasted an eternity. When I finally reached his room even more laughter was coming from it. I heard girls’ giggles and guys’ laughs.

 

“He should be out soon, girls. Trust me, he’s a looker.” Kevin was actually talking about me and it was in a good way. Well, he was talking about my persona in a good way. It was good news either way. He had a good impression of Devin so things would be just fine. I opened the door and flashed my smile to a few girls. Each of them sighed in a girly way and I heard one say I was dreamy. Before I could manage to sit down, Kevin challenged me.

 

“Take your shirt off man, chill with the girls. Besides, I wanna see if you’re a threat to me.”

“No thanks bro. By the way, I’m not interested in chilling with any w****s.”

He showed them off and asked me if I had an issue, I told him that I didn’t feel good at the moment. I asked him about Kacey and he reassured me that what he had said was true.

 

“Devin man, only one girl in our high school is a definite virgin. That’s Jenny Elson.”

“I haven’t met her yet.” I tried to sound convincing. Although I must admit, it was rather difficult to do when his dreamy eyes were directed directly at me. I just had to remind myself that he wasn’t looking at me; he was looking at Devin Brunston, the new guy.

                “She hasn’t been at school for a bit. Everyone makes fun of her for things that she can’t help. Like the fact that she doesn’t have any parents. That’s totally something she had no control over. In my opinion, she’s the most beautiful girl in the school. I’d ask her out but I have a reputation to uphold. You know man?”

                “Yeah.” I couldn’t help but scream in my head “NO!” It shouldn’t matter about what other people say, only what goes on between the couple. Of course, he’d know nothing about that. If he lost even a second of spotlight, he’d melt away. I couldn’t understand what was so great about being under the spotlight 24/7. Every single mistake made would be magnified from a silly mishap to a dramatic screw up. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sound very fun to me.

                “Besides dude, I’m dating Marissa. I hate her f*****g guts but she protects my image pretty well. What if I dumped her for Jenny? That would make me labeled a major f**k up.”

                “Yeah man, I get it. I don’t feel too well, I’ma go. See ya at school bro.”

                “Later man.”

                I raced home and dove into my pillow. I stripped out of the clothes he lent me and laid there in my boy shorts and bra. He wouldn’t be with me because I’m not popular enough. I would hurt his image. My mom didn’t bother to check on me. She had a tendency to only make things worse than they were to start with. I didn’t know how long I was going to keep this act up but I was already rethinking it in my head. It’s only been one day and I’m sick of it already. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up with a headache the next day.

 

I had woke up early and decided to shower before school. The clock showed that it was only 5:15 a.m. At least I had some time to think my day through. The steam rolled off the hot water and filled the room. The mirrors were fogged as I put one foot into the water. It was hot but I eventually got used to it. I sat back against the tub and relaxed a bit. The water overtook my body and had me drowsy within a short time. My hair was up in a bun and the lights were dimmed. About an hour passed and I could hear movement about the house. I got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around me.

“Jenn, hurry and get out. I have a surprise for you. Come in my room when you can.”

I didn’t waste a minute getting to her room. I opened the door and she had a box in her hands. She opened it slowly and I could see blonde hairs. Tears jerked at my eyes and I picked it up. It was a wig, a long, blonde, beautiful wig. I grabbed it and ran back to my room. I tried it on and it fit perfectly. I picked out my hottest outfit for school that day. It was my black-mini skirt and red and black tank top. I also had a pair of knee-high boots that went along with it. After I got dressed I put my hair into loose ponytails that lay on my shoulders. The wig was straightened and went well with my colored contacts. My makeup actually agreed with me as well.

 

I couldn’t help but wonder if the kids would notice that it’s me or not. My mom drove me to school just as she did the day before. I took one step out of the car and all eyes were on me. I had darkened sunglasses on over my eyes and my hair had bounce to it. I walked towards the front door and noticed my breasts were bouncing along with my steps. I walked into the office and they asked if I wanted to enroll. I told them who I was and their mouths dropped in disbelief. No one believed me when I told them it was seriously me. Even after I showed all of them my personal ID, they still had trouble believing me. I went to World Civics first block. Everyone thought I was some new chick. I went right along with them and used my best British accent to go along with it.

 

Just the same as it was with Devin, I was getting a lot of attention. It didn’t feel right to me though. I honestly thought I was going to get sick. All I could do was choke it all back until third block. Then and there I was going to expose myself to the class. I was going to show everyone it was me and then maybe Kevin wouldn’t think I would ruin his image anymore. If he saw that I could be popular he’d dump that w***e for sure and date me instead. I’ll admit I have stage fright and all but nothing was ever as bad as the butterflies I had when walking in to third period. He was staring at me and his friends whistled. I grabbed what used to be my old seat and focused on calming my stomach. The board looked to be an eternity from my seat. The bell rang and I managed to stand up. My throat swelled and I swallowed the nerves down and walked to the front of the class. My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest. The class was silent as I began to open my mouth.

 

“I know you all think I’m cool and cute. And I know you all think I’m new to this school.” I switched from my British accent to my natural Australian one.

“But I’m not new here at all. In fact, I’ve gone to this school for several years. You all just didn’t notice me. I was that girl that nobody noticed in the hall, especially you,” I pointed towards Kevin. “As far as you were concerned, I never existed. No one paid any time of day to me.” I pulled the wig off and the room filled with gasps.

“I’m the girl who hurts every day. I’m the girl who reaches out for help but gets rejected.” Their eyes were filling with tears. “I’m the girl that just wants to be normal for one day, even but an hour. You have all tormented me and mentally scarred me. I just want to say, don’t judge a book by its cover. I may look like a worthless rat, but I’m much more. I have a heart of gold and a bubbly personality. But none of you ever took the time to know that, did you?”

Their heads all shook but one face was buried into an arm. It was Austin.

“I meant all of that to every single one of you except Austin.” His head jerked up and his eyes lit up. His mouth was in a huge grin. From then on, my high school career improved greatly. Not many people bothered me. Oh and by the time of graduation I had a ring on my finger. Kevin finally dumped his girlfriend and realized he wanted me more. I told him no, I already had my captor. On the night of Senior Prom, Austin popped the big question. We’re now as happy as could be and looking forward to the years ahead of us.

No matter how hard life gets, always look at the positive things in life. Sometimes, life tends to outline the darkest, most wrong things, but look at the bigger picture. Things will always get better, even though it seems like they won’t right now. There is a solution to every problem.

Reviews

[kaikhaos01]

Oh dear lord. I absolutely adored this. I love how you kept me interested even though it was one of the longer ones out of the submissions. This was definitely the best one written.