stalker of the night!

just a dark poem i wrote i hope you like it

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

              

 

first version  

 

 

     There's a stalker of the night,

He watches every move you make,

He lurks the day,

He lurks the night,

He holds a ax,

He want's your soul,

He stalks you everyday,

Watches every move you make,

You feel as if someone is watching you,

The thorns on the ground have fallen from the black rose's,

Dark rose's a rise as you walk,

You shiver in fear,

Noone can hear you,

No One can see you,

As your stalker approaches you,

With blood all over him,

You try to run,

But there's nowhere to go,

Ecccch,

Help!

Help!

No One replies,

Ashes of  the rustic of your soul will be gone,

Your stalker kills you,

And there's nothing left.

 

   second version 

   stalker of the night 

he lurks upon us, 

there's a stalker of the night, 

he watches every move you make, 

he lurks the day, 

he lurks the night, 

holding an ax in his hand, 

he wants your soul, 

he stalks you everywhere you go, 

he watches every move you make, 

you feel as if someone is watching you, 
the thorns on the ground have fallen from the black rose's, 

dark rose's rise as we walk, 

shivering in fear, 

noone can hear you, 

no one can see you, 

as the stalker of the night approaches you, 

he has blood running down him, 

you try to run, 
but you were trapped, 

nowhere to go, 

help, 

eccch, 

help!

help!
but no reply's, 

noone can hear you scream, 

the darkness is deep, 

the ashes of the rustic of your soul will be gone, 

your stalker kills you in the night, 

and there's nothing left, 

good by

Author's Note

please let me know what you think of this poem
do you like the first version or the second one better

Reviews

[Coffee Vampier]

reminds me of a nightmare- Lurking seems to be everywhere recently- What does the person in the photo look western?

[Confuser]

Oh, Jen how I love your dark side, another great poem. I always enjoy your poems and stories. You must keep writing. Thank you again.

[LadyNaida]

Scary, to be stalked by someone, that happened to me once.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Whew! Gave me a shiver.
This one was dark.

[SmittyJas]

So don't be afraid of a stalker's stolen kisses from little misses. It could be lovers blisses. But First things first run run run like hell.

[Inda]

it was good, but the ending was a bit unsatisfying, felt like maybe something more dramatic would happen, but that might just me wanting some gore. :)

[Emily]

Well rounded!
I love your use of words!
Well done

[Jamie]

This flows really well it also works extremely well :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. You gave enough to create vision and plot. I like how you led to the very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[R Smith]

suspense full and so dark its almost completely black, more horror from the Queen of the night, well done Jen :)