Dear Diary, Today I saw him.

One person can change the world.

Dear Diary,

 

Today he looked at me. I mean, I think he really noticed me. Maybe we can be something more than the world expects from us. Maybe we can be the ones who change the world. Maybe, the two of us can change the world instead of waiting for it to happen itself. Because, in all honesty, the people who wait will never experience a new world. Do you wish you could change the world sometimes? Well, I know I can. Me and him. Together.

 

Dear Diary,

 

Today he held me. I mean, he really held me tight to him. We've tried to change things in the world, and all that has come of it are angry people yelling against our reasoning. I thought we could be the ones who could change the world. Maybe I was wrong. We’re only a couple of 20-something year olds with a dream, but it isn’t enough. Do you wish it was easy to make a difference? Well, maybe we still can. Me and my dream boy and everyone who believes in our cause. Together.

 

Dear Diary,

 

Today he kissed me. Yes, he really kissed me. The boy I thought would never be mine. As we stroll down the streets we still get those looks, the looks of hatred and disagreement as our hands intertwined make a black and white picture for others to stare at in disappointment. Maybe the streets aren’t segregated, but the looks we receive are just as bad nonetheless. Do you wish things weren’t this way anymore; wish that the world had really been changed once and for all? Well, all we can hope for is progress. Him and I and  our growing number of faithful helpers, together.

 

Dear Diary,

 

Today was our anniversary. He gave me a necklace engraved with the words ‘You and I, Together.’ We have been happily married for years, and as we walk through our neighborhood, my belly swollen with our child inside, we can clasp our hands together without the strange looks from neighbors. We have made such an impact on the world. Our names will be imprinted on the hearts of many for a long time, we have made history. Did you ever think we’d be able to make such huge changes? Even if we haven’t changed the world, we have changed the hearts of many. Maybe, even if it’s after our lifetime, the world will have changed. My lover and I, and a whole country. Together.

 

Reviews

[Penulis Kecil]

I think the idea behind this piece is quite interesting, and in my opinion has the potential to be really powerful if it was fleshed out a bit more. As it stands, it's really vague, which I don't think works for it as well as it could with just a little more information. Don't tell us the diarist has changed the world; get her to show us. What changes have they made? An example of this (pulling this from history) could be something like, "Today I went to the store. Instead of segregation among the people, everybody shopped together. I look from my white hand to the dark of my lover's, and I know that we had a part in building this better tomorrow. He and I and and the world. Together."

Also I'm not sure the repetition totally works for it -- in the first three 'chapters' it does, but when they are "old", the speech/tone is still the same as when she is a young'un. People's writing voices do change over the years; the way the writing reads at the moment doesn't show it and I think the lack of that really impacts (in a negative way) the effect you're going for. Phrases like, "I mean" and "Me and him," are examples of the sort of things I'm talking about -- they're grammatical errors that young people make that older people tend not to use in the same way.

Again, this is not a bad piece, but I can see there is potential here for so much more.

[Jessica Harmony]

*** for Inspired By A Song contest... this was inspired by 'Waiting For The World to Change' by John Mayer :)***

11/11/10 - Keep in mind i just wrote this and posted it without any revisions so it might not be at the level that i could have written at and probably lacks detail.


11/22/10 - Revised and edited with everyone's comments in mind, hopefull improved! If you already rewieved this, I'd love a second review on what you think of the new version. Thanks!

[gaurav roy]

The piece could have been more elaborated . I would say that the concept is very fresh . But it is a bit too small and a bit too brief. i would really love if you can edit the current prose and graft in some more of instances that occur between the lover. Probably you could include the first holding of hands , first time he expresses his love towards you , the first time you have a quarrel . you must be getting now the hang of what i am trying to convey.But if you ask me "how is the writing? ".I would say impressive and refreshing as the spring breeze. It really brings a new light of hope towards the aspect of love.