vegas

he smelled like vegas.
the fumes of his cigarettes strangled my lungs,
but entangled my heart with a blurry mist.
the smell of excitement and adventure danced in the air.
he brought flickering lights to my eyes and dazzling energy to my life,

as he brought a flickering lighter to my skin and laughed.

he acted like vegas, too.
gambling away at my time,
dealing cards with my energy,
placing bets with my patience,
rolling the dice with my love.

he played roulette with my money
like he played russian roulette with my sanity.

he thought he hit the jackpot,
and there were a few times that he did.
but you can't hit the same slot machine forever.
eventually you will stop beating it,
right?

he said whatever happened between us would stay between us.
don't tell anyone else.
nobody needs to know what goes on beyond closed doors.
nobody ever could know, anyway.
he gambled them away from me too.


i smoke to forget him, now.
now i smell like vegas.
the fumes become tangled with my brain
hiding the bright lights behind a blurry mist.

sometimes i bring a lighter to my skin
and now i too know why he laughed.
it's hard to breathe.
sometimes i think the smell of him is still choking me
strangling my lungs in anger and hatred and



nevermind.
what happens in vegas stays in vegas.

Author's Note

this is about an abusive relationship of mine. the symbols (cigarette smoke, vegas, slot machine) in this are clear as day to me, because i lived it and because i wrote it. but i don't know how it comes across to others so that's what i'm trying to find out by posting this.