Look into my eyes.....

Look into my eyes.....

A Story by Lady Lazarus.
"

to be continued. review so far?

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of Look into my eyes......



The car marched forward.Forward.Forward.

My lips had grown dry...I licked them; soothing the cracks which once words had seeped from. my nails were painted red that day as I was angry ,they stood out against the milk of my fingers. In my hands were the tulips I'd been ceremonially given on my way to sacrifice and In my closed fingers i stroked crushed petals that had went beyond repair and they weeped.they Weeped.

I held my suitcase to my chest trying to restart my fidgety heart.

   "Huntercombe.we're here!" The taxi driver  opened the people carrier's sliding door to allow me the dignity to face my inevitable fate on my lonesome.I think that door was the door that closed everything off.

I'm still on the peebles outside that hospital even now.

The way to describe huntercombe the psychatric hospital for youths is quite easy...

It was like hogwarts on a budget with a bunch of adolscents who believed they were wizards....

I had recited to myself the fact that things would not seem as bad once I had faced them dead on.

I was bloody wrong.

we were lead to my bedroom minus the room.

my parents had been ever present all my life til then.I could'nt bear to look at them.I was too guilty.

I watched my dad cry for the first time infront of me.

My mother had to take him away like a little boy in her large loving arms.

All else I remember of this moment was I noticed the birds outside.The squaked and moaned as much as the birds in hamilton.

I had wondered if these flying beautiful pests had accents.

During being signed in my mother & I had sat on the bed together in each other company.

We looked like edith piaf on a bad day when Annie strolled in to see the new flesh idly.

Annie was rough.

she was also beautiful and had walked into to welcome herself with a huge mohawk atop her head.

I shook her hand and routined the words I'd learnt which NT's called small talk.

   I could feel the uncertainty of chance.

I decided then and there to take a chance , leaving my self behind on the hospital duvet and strolling in a daze to dinner...

 My name was Jessica.

I'd traveled from scotland all the way down to london as I was too crazy even for scotland.....That takes a lot of crazy.

I was born a female with XY chromosome but something went wrong.The ingredients were off.

The soufflé had collapsed & I was born with autism.

I got out my frustration by eating  pastries constantly.It made me as dull as the sponge of the damn things.

When I turned thirteen though, something was crystalised in the pain of puberty......and I lost control.

I became a fairground mirror to people.They saw this altered totally weird reflection when I was still just jess deep down in my heart.

I started doing something I could never finish & as breath streemed back into my tired veins I would feel defeated & weak.

an occurance in my squlor of a school had sealed my future.I always did hate our school tie.

That afternoon as I left the place ,that pleasent calm of a day finally over reached me.

I saw a ned from my year that had harassed me as welcome for our 1st two years ofhigh school.

 His taunts instead of being greeted with a finger were harboured into a self esteem which even now is practically non existant.

grimacing at the flatulent  pain in the arse I sauntered off and as I got on my bus home I grinned at the note I'd managed to stick on his back.
 "the tick tick clock betty says watch the clock its coming!"

    I walked into the dining room and tried to stand upright.there was something wrong with the balance in my ears and I could feel myself almost slip into some nearby patients just finishing their dinner.

Annie beckoned over to me with a grin like a cheshire cat stamped over her face.

   "Hey...Jess is it?"

I nodded backwords and forwards while hiding my nerves in my dinner.I chewed meekly as everyone was introduced to me.

I was in the drug abuse part of the hospital....I'd never even touched coffee at all in my life.

"this is emma.."

A punk girl with scalped hair,a cheeky personality and long sleeves shook my hand.

"This is vhari"

a sporty girl who seemed out of the surrondings slowly moved her head toward me to show she noticed my presense.

"...and this is Kaamil."                                                                                                                                                                    The first boy I loved....  

---------------------------------------

 

The ward at night was like a chesty lung that breathed with difficulty.a lung belonging to a patient that never slept.

I could only just take gulps that night like a lopsided fish as on the first two nights a patient was watched 24/7......

It was hard to stop myself from laughing or to cease my head at 4 in the morning hitting a radiator in fatique and falling into clumsy sleep.I was even too anxious  to end up doing something as stupid and jessica as that.  

    kaamil was fated to leave one sole week after I had stumbled into purgatory alongside him.He'd overdosed which is what he was in for.Instead of conversations about the football or shopping everyone would consort like convicts and curse the time they'd been forced to endure.living in a hospital was comatosed you after a while.Things seemed too good and still but there was always that dreaded sound of an alarm rining out in the night and the empty bed it equaled the next morning...          
  Vhari left that week and her departure scraped a wound in the trio of she shared with Annie and Emma. One evening as I listened to music as sad as the situation I found myself in I suddenly  belonged for the first and last time ever.
 
 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

© 2008 Lady Lazarus.




Reviews

"It was like hogwarts on a budget with a bunch of adolscents who believed they were wizards.... "

"I'd traveled from scotland all the way down to london as I was too crazy even for scotland.....That takes a lot of crazy."

I laughed so hard at these. I couldn't remove the smile on my face up to the end. What a crazy bunch of story. But the ending was heartwarming. Although i can't say for the whole story. But yeah. Great write. Maybe a bit of proofreading to root out some mispellings and missing punctiations. But hell, like the guy said. This is wicked.

"I left feeling like the worst friend in the world.The desperation I'd saw filled my body with even more than 80% water and all of it left in tears so thick they pulled me into myself as I fell into sleepless dreams on my duvet." xD wicked

Posted 13 Years Ago


woahhh, now this one was....both humbling and insightful, it was a bit hard to follow initially, but it worked its own way and pretty soon, I could empathize with Jessica. Great work, such honesty to it, it's refreshing!~P

Posted 15 Years Ago


I really liked this. It was pretty neat. The story was captivating.
LOVE IT! :)

Posted 15 Years Ago


this is amazing. written so truthfully and with raw intensity.
x

Posted 15 Years Ago


RAW...WONDERFUL

Posted 15 Years Ago


Wicked,its not easy putting that much feeling into words but you done it.I like your poetry more.Do you read beat stuff? Just out of interest

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


god, youve experienced so much. im jealous in a way. parts of this made me so sad, and the, out of the darkness,
"i was in a hospital run by ducks"
and i laughed

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is an amazing piece!!!
Ur imagery is great!! Kudos!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


Your description is perfect, you're really talented,


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


I like this. I've been in a lot of hospital stays myself, and this rings dreadfully true.
A lot of raw emotion. Wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago



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Author

Lady Lazarus.
Lady Lazarus.

glasgow, United Kingdom



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'...And I picked on the whims of a thousand or more Still pursuing the path that's been buried for years All the dead wood from jungles and cities on fire Can't replace or relate, can't release or .. more..

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