I watch the leaves burning and I see you cry,
Buildings fall and people hide,
I’m stuck between choices I’ll regret and beliefs I’m forced to choose
The leaves burn but the tears stop,
You’re gone
A year passes,
I watch as the buildings are rebuilt and everything is fixed,
The only thing I stay for has long since died away
A candle that finally flickered out
Your candle flickered out
Everything is different,
I see so many changes in a world I once knew
Everything I knew has since gone,
Slowly falling away
This is a good piece. But I feel something lacking.
I think its the ending. Its ends too soon.
What if you did something else, like made it seem like the person 'speaking' the poem realize that someday he/she will fade away slowly, or their candle will flicker off too.
Perhaps it will also help so describe some of the changes, like you did in the start of it. The buildings, leaves, 'you, and the choices. Those four things really stand out to me in your poem, it would be really neat if you had them appear like 3 or four times consistently in the poem to really make your point. It would make an awesome poem!
This is a good piece. But I feel something lacking.
I think its the ending. Its ends too soon.
What if you did something else, like made it seem like the person 'speaking' the poem realize that someday he/she will fade away slowly, or their candle will flicker off too.
Perhaps it will also help so describe some of the changes, like you did in the start of it. The buildings, leaves, 'you, and the choices. Those four things really stand out to me in your poem, it would be really neat if you had them appear like 3 or four times consistently in the poem to really make your point. It would make an awesome poem!