Fortunate Man

Fortunate Man

A Poem by J. K. Beach

 

Incandescent memories

Of marital art’s warm smolder

After long lonely days apart…

Fiery corporal reveries

Moonlit nights undercover

Thigh to thigh and heart to heart…

Pillowed words congruities

Hand to breast and head on shoulder

Our raspy breathless life restart

 

I remember… I am a lucky man

 

Times full meals prepared

In seasoned love’s torrid kitchen

Snap of towel on flesh all but bare…

Banter and sweet white wine shared

Eyes feasting and hearts smitten

As years consume mind’s savory fare…

Love, life’s sustenance, pared

To its essential proportions in

Intimacy’s steamy air

 

I remember… I am a fortunate man

 

Mind’s sorrowed eye wanders back

Along the path we gamely took…

Now here in lonely loss I stand

At death’s window opened black

As I take one last tender look

On the face life’s fire had planned

To walk with me along love’s track…

Now I can but review the book

We inked together along life’s strand

 

Alone, for now, I abide with her memory…

a wealthy, wealthy man

 


© 2015 J. K. Beach



My Review

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Featured Review

Dear J.K. Beach

I was led to reviewing you by an acquaintance in common I need not mention.

My apologies for picking this piece off the top of your list.

Your profile is of similar length to mine, but makes me smile at the same time as being more educational than mine.

I review in so many ways. Yes I will do critical analysis but mostly I give gut emotional reaction.

I can't start my review of this poem without having an idea of who you are.

Isn't that what reading or above all reading poetry is all about? Getting inside of the writer's mind and seeing the world from their perspective. Life would be so dull if we didn't share in this way.

So let's do that.

You quote in your profile many who inspire you.

I am Northern Irish by origin. Therein lie links but there are more.

You offer me the Irish, Seamus Heaney, Yeats, of my homeland.

You offer me Keats, Shelley and Shakespeare, the last of whom his sonnets I mimic.

You offer me Italo Calvino whose every book I own and have read.

And then you offer me Jim Morrison and the Doors.

I have a piece on here where Jim Morrison gets a passing reference in humour. If you ever get round to reading it (this is seriously not a request) it is called 'The Lightness of Choux Pastry', a piece of prose where I propose a philosophical answer to the meaning of life in humour.

Here is the link:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/jameshannamagill/1133782/

In front of you, you find a 55 year old Northern Irish expatriate living in early retirement in Wales, UK.

It may surprise you but not me and others who know me that I have just laid down umpteen words on a page without saying anything about this piece.

It is called finding initial connection J.K. Beach.

So to your poem. Generally speaking there are two parts to my reviews, the first critical analysis and the second emotional reaction where the latter always has for me the greater meaning.

But sometimes it's just stream of consciousness that says more than 'Nice poem. Loved this. Keep writing.'

Were I capable of just giving you six words, and I'm not with any writer, I might as well stop writing myself and excuse the vernacular 'f**k off' and spend my time fixing motor cars.

But then as I do not know how to fix a motor car it would be a rotten deal!

And still I haven't said anything about your poem.

Let's go!

1) Critical analysis

Form: Three stanzas of precisely nine lines each but with a recurring and consistently varying chorus.

The varying chorus which builds to a final meaning?

'I remember… I am a lucky man'
'I remember… I am a fortunate man'
'Alone, for now, I abide with her memory…
a wealthy, wealthy man'

This is a technique I have at times use in my poetry. A progressing chorus which drifts with the change in sentiment to a final conclusion.

Rhyme: A consistently beguiling and well considered part of this poem. Its melody

In each nine line stanza your rhyme is: abc, abc, abc.

Whilst I adore free verse, I love structure. It demonstrates intelligence, forethought and artistry as here.

Rhythm: You have no fixed pattern to beats in the bar. They average 7, from about 6 to 8. But often you only need to look at the shape of the words on the page to see rhythm of some sort. They appear of similar length. If that is so, and it is with this piece, then nothing jars.

Metaphor or simile: I have looked hard and I can find only some. What you do much more carefully is tell it as it is in exotic language. You stick close to your point, without making another related point. I admire this here. Perhaps if I had written this I would have done the same. But I m a no-one J.K.Beach, just an outsider looking in.

Language: Having already called it exotic let me find you a few words that struck me: 'Incandescent', 'fiery corporal', 'congruities', 'savory fare', 'Intimacy's steamy air',

Technical done. Let's move on:

Meaning: This time I will be curt. Every reader has the right a writer offers them of interpreting their meaning even if it was not at all the writer's intention. Just one word 'LOSS'.

As I have said already, there is a progression in your poem. In my view, you hit the positives of the past in the first two stanzas before addressing the heartache of love lost in the third and last.

What I love about tis poem above all is that in the refrain, whilst you keep on changing view and when in the end you talk of loss, you still keep a positive in your attitude. Even when love is lost, wealth comes from the experience.

I don't want to bother you by constant references to my own writing. But if I do, it is that we share common themes.

Here is the link to my 'Days in Pink' which follow the same line of argument. Please do not review. But if you have the time do read:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/jameshannamagill/1374364/


Lines which strike me:

'Thigh to thigh and heart to heart…
Pillowed words congruities
Hand to breast and head on shoulder
Our raspy breathless life restart'

'Snap of towel on flesh all but bare…
Banter and sweet white wine shared
Eyes feasting and hearts smitten
As years consume mind’s savory fare…'

'Mind’s sorrowed eye wanders back
Along the path we gamely took…
Now here in lonely loss I stand
At death’s window opened black'

Adverse critique: People tend to have the view that the word critique is a negative. It's not. It measures good and bad. What I have said above therefore is such critique.

But in this case, having rung much of the praises of this poem, let me reflect on what you might do to improve it.

Perhaps I hate this most. Either because I do not want to be a negative for the writer or because I cannot find fault.

Here I fall into the latter category. I cannot find fault or areas for improvement. But surely that is what we are all trying to do here - make us all better writers by constructive comment and suggested changes.

But I fail you here.

My novel Split on here has had the benefit of at times some 60 reviewers. It was just lovely to know what was good about my writing but much better to know what was useless. On here is an early draft. I mean to get it published. But if I do, it will only be because of the 'critique' of helpful writers on this site, which must rank and the best and most international community of mutually helpful and supportive writers.

The only thing I can go at is the fact the you from the US, North Carolina spell it as 'savory', whereas we the British spell it 'savoury'. Honestly you Americans need to mend your ways (cough)!

Conclusion: So what I have said here that amounts to a row of beans? All I have done is to use endless numbers of words to say 'Well done'. But then if that were the only two words I could use to describe this piece and its impact on me, I would have failed you, me and the whole of writers Cafe.

Go in peace.

With my kindest regards

James

Posted 2 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

James,

I do not know where to begin to answer such a careful critique... except to s.. read more
James Hanna-Magill

2 Years Ago

Dear Tate and JKB

Thank you both for your kind words and you JKB for your detailed an.. read more
J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Well, now that we know some of the impetus for and history of our writing maybe we can concentrate o.. read more



Reviews

tears in my eyes J.K. .. well formed structure and simply brings tears to me .. love and peace sir!
E.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you Einstein... glad you enjoyed this one... peace to you as well!
Making memories is important for there comes a time when memories are all we have.
A great write.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Melinda, for stopping in... your comment is just what I had in mind when I wrote this.
I fell in love with reading because of the ability to make me FEEL, to transport me into another world, to stimulate my mind... when I come across pieces that truly touch my heart, I am like the biggest kid again.. this one is like a warm, gentle, loving caress that oozes affection.. It allows the reader to know how deep that bond was, to experience those intimate moments of connection, reflection, and appreciation... it felt honest, deep, sincere.. we KNOW that the speaker feels blessed to have had this woman in his life. your use of language is always clever and skillful, but this goes way beyond that, old spice.. this was enchanting, spellbinding, and so dang affecting... I absolutely LOVED everything about this one... the rhythm, the flow, the imagery, the emotion, the phrasing, the rhymes... favorites for sure.. I loved the details of the moments you decided to include.. "manly", yet passionate, romantic, and realistic.. amazing writing..

on a side note..

"To walk with me along loves track".. not sure, but think you might need apostrophe here.. (love's track)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thanks so much, April! I'm glad you enjoyed this one. Your reviews always make me smile... and warm .. read more
J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

P.S. Thanks for the punctuation catch... I fixed it!
The words of a man contented in knowing true love, even at its loss. A well-written tribute to love. I enjoyed this so much JK.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dear J.K. Beach

I was led to reviewing you by an acquaintance in common I need not mention.

My apologies for picking this piece off the top of your list.

Your profile is of similar length to mine, but makes me smile at the same time as being more educational than mine.

I review in so many ways. Yes I will do critical analysis but mostly I give gut emotional reaction.

I can't start my review of this poem without having an idea of who you are.

Isn't that what reading or above all reading poetry is all about? Getting inside of the writer's mind and seeing the world from their perspective. Life would be so dull if we didn't share in this way.

So let's do that.

You quote in your profile many who inspire you.

I am Northern Irish by origin. Therein lie links but there are more.

You offer me the Irish, Seamus Heaney, Yeats, of my homeland.

You offer me Keats, Shelley and Shakespeare, the last of whom his sonnets I mimic.

You offer me Italo Calvino whose every book I own and have read.

And then you offer me Jim Morrison and the Doors.

I have a piece on here where Jim Morrison gets a passing reference in humour. If you ever get round to reading it (this is seriously not a request) it is called 'The Lightness of Choux Pastry', a piece of prose where I propose a philosophical answer to the meaning of life in humour.

Here is the link:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/jameshannamagill/1133782/

In front of you, you find a 55 year old Northern Irish expatriate living in early retirement in Wales, UK.

It may surprise you but not me and others who know me that I have just laid down umpteen words on a page without saying anything about this piece.

It is called finding initial connection J.K. Beach.

So to your poem. Generally speaking there are two parts to my reviews, the first critical analysis and the second emotional reaction where the latter always has for me the greater meaning.

But sometimes it's just stream of consciousness that says more than 'Nice poem. Loved this. Keep writing.'

Were I capable of just giving you six words, and I'm not with any writer, I might as well stop writing myself and excuse the vernacular 'f**k off' and spend my time fixing motor cars.

But then as I do not know how to fix a motor car it would be a rotten deal!

And still I haven't said anything about your poem.

Let's go!

1) Critical analysis

Form: Three stanzas of precisely nine lines each but with a recurring and consistently varying chorus.

The varying chorus which builds to a final meaning?

'I remember… I am a lucky man'
'I remember… I am a fortunate man'
'Alone, for now, I abide with her memory…
a wealthy, wealthy man'

This is a technique I have at times use in my poetry. A progressing chorus which drifts with the change in sentiment to a final conclusion.

Rhyme: A consistently beguiling and well considered part of this poem. Its melody

In each nine line stanza your rhyme is: abc, abc, abc.

Whilst I adore free verse, I love structure. It demonstrates intelligence, forethought and artistry as here.

Rhythm: You have no fixed pattern to beats in the bar. They average 7, from about 6 to 8. But often you only need to look at the shape of the words on the page to see rhythm of some sort. They appear of similar length. If that is so, and it is with this piece, then nothing jars.

Metaphor or simile: I have looked hard and I can find only some. What you do much more carefully is tell it as it is in exotic language. You stick close to your point, without making another related point. I admire this here. Perhaps if I had written this I would have done the same. But I m a no-one J.K.Beach, just an outsider looking in.

Language: Having already called it exotic let me find you a few words that struck me: 'Incandescent', 'fiery corporal', 'congruities', 'savory fare', 'Intimacy's steamy air',

Technical done. Let's move on:

Meaning: This time I will be curt. Every reader has the right a writer offers them of interpreting their meaning even if it was not at all the writer's intention. Just one word 'LOSS'.

As I have said already, there is a progression in your poem. In my view, you hit the positives of the past in the first two stanzas before addressing the heartache of love lost in the third and last.

What I love about tis poem above all is that in the refrain, whilst you keep on changing view and when in the end you talk of loss, you still keep a positive in your attitude. Even when love is lost, wealth comes from the experience.

I don't want to bother you by constant references to my own writing. But if I do, it is that we share common themes.

Here is the link to my 'Days in Pink' which follow the same line of argument. Please do not review. But if you have the time do read:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/jameshannamagill/1374364/


Lines which strike me:

'Thigh to thigh and heart to heart…
Pillowed words congruities
Hand to breast and head on shoulder
Our raspy breathless life restart'

'Snap of towel on flesh all but bare…
Banter and sweet white wine shared
Eyes feasting and hearts smitten
As years consume mind’s savory fare…'

'Mind’s sorrowed eye wanders back
Along the path we gamely took…
Now here in lonely loss I stand
At death’s window opened black'

Adverse critique: People tend to have the view that the word critique is a negative. It's not. It measures good and bad. What I have said above therefore is such critique.

But in this case, having rung much of the praises of this poem, let me reflect on what you might do to improve it.

Perhaps I hate this most. Either because I do not want to be a negative for the writer or because I cannot find fault.

Here I fall into the latter category. I cannot find fault or areas for improvement. But surely that is what we are all trying to do here - make us all better writers by constructive comment and suggested changes.

But I fail you here.

My novel Split on here has had the benefit of at times some 60 reviewers. It was just lovely to know what was good about my writing but much better to know what was useless. On here is an early draft. I mean to get it published. But if I do, it will only be because of the 'critique' of helpful writers on this site, which must rank and the best and most international community of mutually helpful and supportive writers.

The only thing I can go at is the fact the you from the US, North Carolina spell it as 'savory', whereas we the British spell it 'savoury'. Honestly you Americans need to mend your ways (cough)!

Conclusion: So what I have said here that amounts to a row of beans? All I have done is to use endless numbers of words to say 'Well done'. But then if that were the only two words I could use to describe this piece and its impact on me, I would have failed you, me and the whole of writers Cafe.

Go in peace.

With my kindest regards

James

Posted 2 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

James,

I do not know where to begin to answer such a careful critique... except to s.. read more
James Hanna-Magill

2 Years Ago

Dear Tate and JKB

Thank you both for your kind words and you JKB for your detailed an.. read more
J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Well, now that we know some of the impetus for and history of our writing maybe we can concentrate o.. read more
Subscribe

Absolutely stunning. I hope one day to be as wealthy as you so clearly are.

Amazing

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Gorillarock for looking at this one. I am a wealthy man... I try not to take those I love.. read more
Most men strive for the wealth and miss out on the luck and fortune when they already have it.

What did Aerosmith sing? "Life's a journey, not a destination..."

Its not enough to make the journey...you need to be present in every single moment you're given, every step you take along the way.

A beautiful piece.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you WhiteWillow, for your insightful words! In my mind the little old man in the end appreciat.. read more
WhiteWillow

2 Years Ago

JKB,

I re-read your piece after reading your response to my review. It is plain as da.. read more
J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

I actually modified a few lines to make my meaning a little less confusing... I was not being entire.. read more
This is so beautiful, I think this is my new favourite of yours! Your composition of three stages works really well. There many little things I like in the individual stanzas starting with the carefree couple living in that wonderful bubble of love, the everyday life with its little intimacies, and ends with the melancholic. Yet looking back it has been a rich life... I love it! I have nothing to criticize or question - at least not right now!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you Mai! You've hit the nail on the proverbial head... I appreciate your reading and reviewing.. read more
Mai L Nissen

2 Years Ago

Well, thank you for writing it :) I have to share this poem!
i liked the way you created the difference between a fortunate and a wealthy man... lucky man might toil hard in the beginning but he is usually happy in the end while a wealthy man has only money and no relations.....

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Nazia, for your insights!
Fear can’t stop me…even if it makes me stumble…
Believing the edges of this world are starting to crumble…
But pain’s an illusion,
Astounding confusion…

Times full meals were prepared
In seasoned love’s torrid kitchen
Snap of towel on flesh all but bare…
Banter and sweet white wine shared
Eyes feasting and hearts smitten
As years consume mind’s savory fare…
beautiful lines and amazing work...:))

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

J. K. Beach

2 Years Ago

Thank you, Anne, for stopping by... I appreciate your kind words!

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Added on March 4, 2015
Last Updated on March 10, 2015

Author

J. K. Beach
J. K. Beach

Charlotte, NC



About
Please, if you send a friends request, try to take a look at my work and submit a review. I will look at, and try to review, your work before, or directly after I approve the request. I'm old fashione.. more..

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