Chapter Ten: Metamorphosis

Chapter Ten: Metamorphosis

A Chapter by Joshua Donahue
"

Forbidden. Evan wakes up feeling sick just as in Chapter 7. However, this time, this is no sickness. It's a metamorphosis.

"

FORBIDDEN

 

BY: J O S H U A  D O N A H U E






Chapter Ten

Metamorphosis

 

If I’m not mistaken, it’s been about a two or three weeks since my mom and I moved to Hale; and during those two weeks (or three), so much has already happened to me -- even if some of those things were things that I couldn’t exactly explain. But it was still a lot for someone to take in, which is why I decided to sleep in this fine Saturday morning.

My mother left me to my rest several hours ago when she left for the grocery store to grab a few quick things, and then off to the restaurant she went. The seafood place had to prepare for tonight, because they were hosting some kind of big anniversary or something like that -- I only caught half of it because I was too tired to hear my mother’s tedious words as my pillow engulfed me. I had a headache, which didn’t go away until my fifth Tylenol, but that only impeded the darn thing. My body was exceedingly tired. Probably because of all the excitement I had had this week, I guessed.

At around two in the afternoon, I finally woke up. My body was drenched in sweat like I had just crawled out of a swimming pool full of it. I was burning up, even though my blankets were all shoved together at the foot of my bed. My hair was sticking out everywhere, and my arms and legs felt paralyzed, like they were overwhelmed with exhaustion.  I wanted to get up, but my limbs just wouldn’t allow it. But finally -- after much struggle -- I managed to prop myself up on the edge of my bed, even though my entire body slouched from tiredness.

What’s wrong with me? I asked myself. I felt like I had just been forced to do a marines drill nonstop without a single break.

I sat for several minutes.

A few more minutes passed by slowly in the intimidating silence of my bedroom.

Then I fell back onto my bed, giving up.

I must have lain still for at least an hour, zoning in and out of the world, until I ultimately decided to try again.

This time I received partial success. I made it onto my feet momentarily until I found myself face-up, towards the ceiling above, and right back to square one: my bed.

I must have really been tired to not be able to use my body parts naturally. Maybe it was just temporary or something; but I knew that I had to get up. So this time, I forced myself onto my legs with all the energy I could muster, edged awkwardly over to my window, and opened my blinds a crack. When I did, I instantly knew it was a mistake; I felt nearly blinded to death from the radiating sunlight, and was forced to close the blinds back quickly.

Unsteadily and roughly, I ended up making it downstairs and into the kitchen, where I used the counters for support. I felt drunk, only with the hangover side effects.

Suddenly, an explosion of pain erupted in my skull. It felt like my head was going to detonate from agony. Then my vision began to get a little muddled. One second I would see triplets of an object, and the next, all I saw was a blur. It was like I was on a roller coaster ride that was increasing its speed by the second. Abruptly, my skin began to tingle. It wasn’t the pleasing tingle that I felt when I was with Summer -- this was more painful. It was more like a thousand needles trying to poke out of my skin. My arms felt as if they were pulling in opposite directions, and both my legs being pulled down. Torture was engulfing me, exposing me to its mightiest wrath.

I let out a cry of pain.

I could barely make out the house phone ahead of me on the opposed counter that I was leaning upon. I tried to reach for it to call someone for help, but I grasped nothing but air. When I walked towards it and leaned forward to clutch it with my aching body practically screaming at me, I collapsed, feeling one last jab of pain as my head hit the hard floor. I found myself in eternal darkness.




© 2010 Joshua Donahue



Author's Note

Joshua Donahue
v4.0 UPDATE: Thanks to Adina and Kira, I fixed some "slang" issues in my story among a few other repetition of words. Thanks guys!

v3.0 UPDATE: SORRY FOR THE RANDOM QUOTES! For some reason, hyphens from Word show up as quotes on here so I have to use the classic hyphens: --- . Sorry, again!

v2.0 UPDATE: I fixed the way Evan walks to his window. :)

a very short chapter, so there shouldn't be THAT many mistakes. but if there is, please tell me. :)
it's the "pivotal chapter" of my novel. after this chapter, the pace quickens, the action enters, and the story twists. are you ready?

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A couple small things you may want to change...I would take the word "like" out of the second paragraph when Evan is talking about Tylenol. I would also change ..."felt like I was blinded to death"...to something like "i was nearly blinded." It's up to you, but I just think it sounds much better. And finally, on the second to the last paragraph, I wouldn't use "felt like" twice. Just trying to be helpful.:) I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think the brevity of it makes it even more thrilling. Great work!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

O... m..... f.... g.... No, I didn't see any mistakes, thanks to previous reviews already catching them. I LOVED the description in this, though. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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A couple small things you may want to change...I would take the word "like" out of the second paragraph when Evan is talking about Tylenol. I would also change ..."felt like I was blinded to death"...to something like "i was nearly blinded." It's up to you, but I just think it sounds much better. And finally, on the second to the last paragraph, I wouldn't use "felt like" twice. Just trying to be helpful.:) I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think the brevity of it makes it even more thrilling. Great work!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was a great chapter. I agree with kira.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woah, description. My skin's prickling.

Besides the sensation, two things stood out to me: you said his headache didn't go away until "like his fifth Tylenol". Get rid of the like, or replace it. Secondly:

"So this time, I forced myself onto my legs with all the energy I could muster, walked over to my window, and opened my blinds a crack."

I'm imagining someone struggling to their feet, and then striding normally to the window. Odd.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Joshua Donahue
Joshua Donahue

Jefferson, SC



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