Chapter Fourteen: Lessons

Forbidden. After Evan's little "breakdown", his mother tells him he needs to give the werewolf thing a try, even though, she, herself, doesn't want him to. She knows it's something he must do.

FORBIDDEN

 

BY: J O S H U A  D O N A H U E

Chapter Fourteen

Lessons

 

Following my escape attempt and breakdown, I ended up finding my cell phone after all, but the screen had a small crack in it. Surprisingly, my mom promised to get me a new one, but I was indifferent about the whole thing. When it was just me and my mom with my dad still alive back in San Francisco, having my phone gain a crack across its screen would probably have been the most tragic thing that had ever happened to me. But not anymore. Things change. And apparently, so do people (into wolves).

As for me as an individual, I had moved on from my breakdown, and I realized that life continued taking no notice of my actions. So I would continue on as well. I wanted to just live my life normally, but my mother encouraged me to give the supernatural a try. She didn’t want me to do it, of course, but she knew it was something that I had to do. I couldn’t run from my family problems and neither could she.

After giving me some time to think it over and to allow me to come to terms with my genealogy, Otis and his werewolf pack thought it would be best for me if I start training as soon as possible. I still wasn’t familiar to the idea of being able to transform into a wolf, let alone actually performing it. But Luke promised he would show me how to do it once we met up. He was supposedly going to go over the rules, traditions, and abilities of a werewolf and whatnot this Saturday---which was today.

            I had a report due on Monday for History class and an essay that needed to be written based on Romeo and Juliet for English, so I had to make this little “lesson” as short as possible.

*     *     *

 I was presently standing in a field---the very same one that we had passed through that night when Luke took me to their little wolf meeting and I freaked out. Luke said no one would come our way, and he claimed that he and the rest of the family roamed these fields all the time without any worries.

The Saturday wasn’t too hot or too cold as the sun kissed the land with its bursts of light. It was just right for me. There was a slight breeze in the air that ruffled my hair a little, but that didn’t bother my skin. It was pleasurable to hear as the wind shifted the weeds around with its wispy fingers of air. It reminded me that there were still some things on earth that made logical sense as to why certain things happened. I admit, however, that I was anxious to become a wolf because a fraction of me assumed that what I had seen Daryl perform the other day in Otis’ house was all just a hallucination.

 “Okay, well the first few main rules are…” Luke began.

            “Wait!” Are you sure all of this is real?” I asked with pure skepticism. After all, this was just a tryout period for me.

            Luke just stared at me with a look that said, “You can’t be serious?”---as if I was the crazy one.

            “Fine. Do your thing,” I said, motioning him on.

            Pretending I had never even said anything, Luke said: “One, a werewolf must never expose himself to the public in any shape or form. Only family is allowed to know. Two, the pack’s secrets stay secret, no matter what, unless otherwise told by Otis. Three, a werewolf must never transform in the open, unless under certain circumstances.”

             “Wait. Does Otis make us recite these rules word for word?”

            “No. Why?”

            I looked at him for a moment. Then he caught the meaning to my words.

            “Whatever, dude. I’m just saying what Otis told me to say.” He realized that the way he was explaining the rules to me seemed to professional for someone like Luke.

            I grinned at him.

            He shook his head to himself. “Four, a werewolf must never harm an innocent human, and is only allowed to hunt on fellow animals as prey.”

            “We kill?” I interrupted him for a third time.

            “How else do you think we fill our stomachs up? By just human food?” He laughed, although I didn’t find it all that humorous.

            “Five, a werewolf is to follow the direct orders that are received from his leader---Otis---whether he likes them or not. Six, a werewolf must never communicate with another nymph.”

            Luke knew that my decision was to join their pack and forget about all else, but he gave me a stare nevertheless that said more than words could describe as he relayed the sixth rule to me.

            I ignored it, however.

            “And finally, a werewolf may be banished from the pack voluntarily, but when banished involuntarily, he must follow the direct orders of the pack’s leader.”

For some reason, the final rule stuck to me a little. It seemed to stand out from the rest because it showed to me that the pack wasn’t as friendly as they seemed when they walked around in their “human skin”. Regardless, I nudged it to the side quickly.

It was important and cool stuff, for sure, but I was just ready to get onto the enticing stuff, such as transforming rather than just learning about it.

            But Luke continued on with the werewolf philosophy stuff; he told me of the traditions and whatnot. The pack holds monthly meetings like a support group, he explained. Only the pack didn’t have addictions to alcohol or need help getting over something tragic because it was a group for werewolves. Ha! I’d like to see a flyer calling all werewolves to join their little “group”, I thought jokingly. And then Luke went on and told me how silver had no effect on werewolves and that we had no current weaknesses like that, except those of humans. He also elaborated on how our pack was divided by levels of authority: the alpha or alpha pair (Otis and Susan) was the real deal and was not to be defied, the betas were the direct sons of the alpha (Daryl and Trent), and then the next generation of werewolves were the subordinates (Edmund, Luke and Derek). Apparently, as Luke explained, there was even a lower class known as the omegas. This included me and Michael, since we were both very young at the werewolf stuff; and soon, we would be a subordinate.

            Sigh. My lesson seemed to be very similar school, I realized.

            “And now, I’m going to teach you how to morph and how to morph back. After that, we’ll talk more about the powers that we werewolves have,” Luke said. He was acting more like a teacher now, and making me feel like a pupil that was so young and new; it made me feel left out, in a way. Nevertheless, Luke and I were closer now more than ever because we had something in common, and I no longer felt uneasy around him about that night when they had invited me to their meeting.

            “Now, Evan, I want you clear your mind of all thoughts. Don’t think of anything; not the people, the places, or the events that have occurred in your life,” Luke instructed me.

            Yeah, right! I thought pessimistically.

            “Then, I want you to picture a wolf. But don’t just see the wolf, I want you to be the wolf. Running through the woods, using your enhanced sense of smell, and being free of all ties that bind.”

            I tried, really I did. But I just couldn’t do it.

After minutes filled with futile attempts, I let out a breath of aggravation.

            “Don’t worry, you’ll get it. It takes some practice. Here, watch me.” Then he started removing his clothes.

            “Dude, what are you doing?!” I asked.

            “Undressing. I don’t want to rip my clothes, do I?” He shook his head to himself as if it was a simple task that everyone should be used to.

            I merely looked away to give him his privacy.

            Within a moment, he had jumped from the ground. While in midair, he transformed, landing on all fours as a dark brown, almost burgundy-colored, wolf. The shade of his fur was so exquisite, the gradients on it was vibrantly shown. This wolf, however, was massively bigger than those wolves seen on the Discovery Channel. It was larger than the average dog, but not quite the size of a horse either. It looked at me for a minute with the shiny, vivid blue eyes of Luke from the intense sun. Within a flash, the wolf disappeared as Luke took its place, snatching his shorts on quickly.

            Seeing a human transform into such a beautiful beast for a second time was enough evidence to convince me that it was indeed real.

            “See?” Luke said, “Nothing to it. Now let’s try again.”

            It wasn’t until almost an hour later when I finally got it. I didn’t perform a fancy air leap like Luke had; I just stayed still and transformed. Feeling no pain but a funny, tingly feeling, my body stretched and seemed to rearrange its entire anatomy until I had the look of a golden-brown wolf. I felt like a creature, a hunter, whom every other animal ran from. My hands were now paws twice the size of my human versions. My legs felt strong and muscular, as if they were made of pure steel. No longer could I feel my washboard stomach, but a stomach coated in nothing but fur. Without even touching it, I knew it was extravagantly smooth and silky. Nevertheless, it felt awkward considering I was on all four legs and my ears were practically on my head---not to mention the appearance of a tail that looked like a whip of hair. But it also felt spectacular and far more pleasing than my first transformation. It wasn’t like before, when I had a very small range of human thoughts because now I could think anything I wanted to, just like a normal human.

            Not feeling left out, Luke morphed too, and he was that same brownish-burgundy wolf. His color wasn’t like mine, but size comparison wise, he was a hell of a lot larger than I was.

            “Congratulations!” someone said. “See, told you so. Now, let’s go through the woods over there and see what you can do, shall we?”

            I glanced around quickly, but I saw no intruders. Then I cocked my head sideways with what would have been a confused human expression at Luke.

            “Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. While two werewolves have morphed into their animal selves, they can have sort of internal verbal conversations with one another!”

            I still looked at him with puzzlement.

            “See, it’s like groaning when you’re human. A werewolf uses his vocal chords to do the talking for him just without moving his mouth and only other werewolves can pick up on it. Other animals or people just think we’re groaning inside---which we can do if we want. Just pretend your speaking inside your body verbally,” he explained.

            Being a werewolf was anything but normal, that much I now understood.

            “Mm…hey?” I replied internally.

            The wolf facing me seemed to let loose a grin of humor, and then said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it. Now, let’s go hunting.” He dashed off faster than I ever thought possible through the field and towards the forest. “Catch me if you can, newbie!” he shouted back at me.

            Feeling the surge of energy race through me like never before, I followed in hot pursuit with natural instinct. He was quick, but I was no slouch either. Within mere seconds, I was gaining on him by the time we traveled across the lengthy field and was entering the forest. When I ran, I felt free. The closest way that I could describe it was to flying, even though flying couldn’t stick a candle to the roaring fire that I now was. My speed was incredible and so was my strength. I could feel the power that I used as I kicked off the ground every time to thrust forward, and yet, my power still didn’t feel like it was to its maximum---like I still had to find out my true strength. I felt like a super hero---except I had a tail instead of a cape trailing behind me.

            After what appeared to me as a minute of running, I found that I was well deep into the forest with Luke ahead of me. We both skidded to a stop on the soft soil below each of our four feet, and we became very still. It wasn’t because this race was over; it was due to a smell of some sort. I couldn’t quite place it, but it smelled delicious. Food-like delicious, in fact. Luke sniffed the air for a moment, and so did I, consuming the wispy scent that fluttered in the air of the forest. Suddenly and out of instinct, we both zoomed off hoping to be the first to find the source of the scrumptious smell. I couldn’t quite explain it, but it felt right to me somehow; as if I was acting like a lunatic before to think something this magnificent couldn’t possibly exist.

            It didn’t take long before the scent got so strong that I could feel my animal mouth watering, ready to devour the food. And sure enough, Luke and I found it: a stray, white-tailed deer was wandering freely in a small field on the opposite side of the forest from which we began our journey. My first instinct was to charge after it, but my animal senses told me to go easy so I wouldn’t scare it off. The sweet scent was the only thing that I could think about, so I didn’t really pay attention to Luke at all.

            I flattened my wolf body against the ground and used the tall weeds for protection as I crept closer to the deer. Every second or so, the deer would pause as if it had heard me, but then it would go about its business. The thrill of the entire event excited me. I longed for it. I loved it more than anything.

            Once I got in leaping distance, I bounded at the deer with full force. Before it even had time to react, the deer found itself under me as I ripped into it. The warm liquid that splattered upon my face and covered it felt good, but the meat was better. It didn’t resemble any human food I had ever eaten before because this was the best food ever: raw food.

            After a minute of chewing down like I was completely starved to death, I felt filled with pure power and no trace of weakness. Then a voice came into my ear: “All done?”

            Luke came up on the other side of me, licking his lips from his own kill apparently.

            “Feels good doesn’t it?” he asked me.

            “Yes.” I still felt like opening my mouth to reply because speaking internally felt abnormal to my human side. But the bonds of that side were slowly being severed. I knew that is what I wanted to be---what I was meant to be---with no distractions of a love life or a normal life. This was it. This was me.

            “Just don’t get used to it all the time, ‘cause we don’t normally kill the wild animals. Only when we need strength, show the newbies how it’s done, or when it’s simply planned. So just don’t get too attached,” Luke warned.

            “ ‘Kay.” That was all I could say because even though my stomach felt full, my mouth wanted more. But I followed Luke’s instructions and pushed away the carnivorous side of me with a tremendous amount of effort as I reluctantly pulled myself away from the animal.

            Everything seemed so usual to me. No, I didn’t feel human, but I felt normal nevertheless---the way I ran, the way I thought, the way I moved, and the way I hunted in order to get the kill. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that I had been transforming into a werewolf my entire life.

            “Good. Now that you have done your first kill―which was not too bad for a newbie―, I can show you all of your werewolfy powers that you now have. Follow me.” Then he raced off back into the trees; I followed.

            “Being a werewolf grants you endless possibilities, Evan!” Luke sent back at me as he jumped high over a fallen tree. “It’s just a matter of whether or not if you can figure out how to use it to your advantage, so I’m going to show you.”

Then, before I knew what he was doing, he instantly ran up the side of a huge tree, digging his claws into the trunk of it to pull himself up, and ended up on a branch some ways above me.

            “Whoa,” I said, more to myself than to Luke.

            “Exactly. You have impossible speed, stealth, and strength. With it, you can climb the highest trees, take down the worst of enemies, and be at the top of the food chain. Now, try what I just did.”

            I charged at a tree opposite of the one Luke clawed up, and I followed his exact moves. Like a large, furry cat, I extracted my claws instinctively as far as they would go, and worked my way up until I was as high as my friend.

            “Good. It took me two tries to get it done when I first started. You’re a natural,” he said over to me.

            “But why am I so much smaller than you?”

            “Newbies are always smaller at first. Until you truly become a werewolf. Then you hit a growth spurt, sort of, where your transformation will change.”

            Luke jumped down from his high position and landed on all fours, a fall which no average human could withstand, but I copied him easily. Then he said, “As you may have noticed during your hunt, you also have the gifts of any wolf-to-be: extreme vivid sight, very ranging audio, and a predator’s sense of smell. Use those during your hunts, and you’ll never miss. Now, charge at me and attack.”

            “What?! Are you crazy?”

            “Just do it. I won’t defend myself. Promise.”

            “No way!”

            “Do it. It’s part of your lesson.”

            “Fine.” And then I ran forward at him, expecting a defensive blow to knock me flat on my wolf butt. But instead, my claw came in contact with the side of his face, as I swiped at him, leaving deep claw marks there, and blood oozing out.

“Dude, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean---”

            “It’s fine, really.”

            “What do you mean it’s fine? It’s---”

            “Gone,” he finished.

            “Huh?” I asked.

            “It’s gone. See for yourself.” He turned his animal head sideways so I could view where I had attacked him, and I couldn’t believe my eyes: his face looked untouched.

            “But, how---”

            “Another little werewolf gift. We can heal extremely fast, making us almost invulnerable. Almost. We don’t cringe from silver or anything like that, but we can still die by human means.”

            “Meaning?”

            “Meaning, if we get harmed too much at one time, not allowing our bodies to fully recover, we die.”

            After explaining all the essentials of a werewolf, Luke finally got to show me some tricks. He told me that some werewolves know the basic skills as soon as a werewolf morphs: hunting, attacking, running, and so forth. But he said it was necessary that I learn even more. Firstly, he had me truly race him to test my speed---which I lost miserably. Then he forced me to play a game of hide-and-seek with him to test my hunting skills. At first, it seemed childish to be a dominant wolf and play an eight-year-old’s game, but Luke was a challenge for me. I was accustomed to looking in human locations, but Luke was hardly human at the moment. Occasionally, I would find my opponent, but I never could catch him. Each time I would look in a spot, he would jump out from the opposite side and tackle me down, making me frustrated.

            Pretty soon, Luke required that I go on a hunt with him again. He made me watch him at first, as he snuck up on squirrel, making it pause only twice checking for nearby predators. Easily, Luke clamped the little critter between his monstrous teeth, but he didn’t kill it. He let it go. Then, he made me hunt down a squirrel of my own while he sat on the sidelines watching my every move, dictating me on what to do and how to do it correctly. Again, frustrating. When I finally did find my intended prey, I had a hard time grasping the creature because the little guy was quick as lightning. I was like a cat trying to catch a mouse; every time I would clasp my paws together as agile as possible, I would slowly pull them back to reveal merely the ground.

            At around seven-ish, Luke called it a day.

            We got to the truck that Luke had driven us out in, and we transformed back into humans. When I morphed, I found that I still had my human clothes on, but Luke was nude. So I asked my cousin, “How come I still have my clothes on?”

            “Well, don’t get used to it because that’s what I was meaning earlier about when you hit that growth spurt. After a while, when your body really starts to adapt to the werewolf lifestyle, you’re going to need an extra pair of pants to put on after you morph. At first, you are allowed to keep your clothes on and all your accessories and junk---even though it kind of makes you look like Paris Hilton’s pup.” Luke laughed. Then he continued, “But afterwards, everything you got on gets ripped to bits. Kind of sucks really, especially when you have to find an outfit every time you morph. But at that moment, when you feel that growth spurt, your size will change and so will your clothes. You will then begin to look like the rest of us. It’s a liberating feeling.”

            After Luke got on some clothes to cover himself up at the back of the truck, we got in the cab of the pickup. I thought of my other cousins that I had barely bonded with since I had arrived, and I remembered something. “Luke, remember that night when you took me to you guys’ ‘meeting’ or whatever, and I ran off?” I said.

            Luke cackled, thinking back at that memory. “Yeah. What of it?” he asked while cranking up the vehicle; it rumbled to life.

            “Well, when I was hiding in the woods, if werewolves are such good hunters, why---”

            “Couldn’t we find you?” he finished for me. He was beginning to drive back out to the main road now, along the dusty dirt road with fields of grass and weeds on either side of us.

            “Yeah.”

            “That’s the thing. We may be some of the best hunters, being able to sense practically anything for miles, but it’s difficult to track our own when that person has not morphed before. It’s like that person doesn’t exist quite yet, because he’s not a human or a werewolf.”

            “Oh…”

            “But, when that person is in wolf mode, another werewolf of the same pack can pinpoint the exact location of him. Well, only a beta can. Omegas aren’t that skilled yet.”

            “How come I can see and hear better and stuff like that while I’m a human even though they’re my werewolf powers?” I asked him.

            “Because a werewolf is a part of you, Evan. You may not be able to keep the entire super speed and strength while being a human, but you can keep a fraction of it. Like you will be stronger than your average self before you became a werewolf, but you won’t be as strong as you could be while in wolf mode. It’s all complicated. The point is that you can still have the werewolf powers while being a human, just not all of them. But the few powers you can get can come in handy sometimes,” Luke said.

            We had reached the pavement now from the dirt road. Luke turned to the left to head back to my house.

 “Do the others have different fur colors and size?” I asked with my head still piled to the roof with questions.

            “Yeah. We all got different color shades of fur. As for size, you can typically tell who the young and the old are of the group, especially those who haven’t hit that growth spurt yet,” Luke revealed. “Why do you ask?”

            “Well, that night, when I was trapped in the woods, I think I whipped one of my own family members in the face with a tree branch,” I said.

            Luke laughed at me. “You mean Michael?”

            “I hit Michael?”

            Seeing my remorse in my expression and hearing it in my voice, Luke smirked. “Yeah. You kind of ruined his face now. He had to have surgery yesterday.”

            “Dude, are you serious?”

            He appeared to be trying to keep a straight face, but it lasted for only a moment until he belched out a laugh. “I was just kidding, dude.”

            I playfully punched his arm, making him go a little wonky over the road.

            “Hey, do you wanna end up in a ditch somewhere? Alright then, no attacking the driver. At least, not until he has a fighting chance, anyways.”

            “Is that a challenge?” I asked my cousin.

            “Don’t even fool yourself. We both know who would win,” Luke said with a laugh.

            I smirked. It felt odd considering the fact that not too long ago I was living in California with just my mom and how, after school, I would go out with my friends and hang out in the city, being the rebellious teen that I wanted to be. But now, everything had changed. I was living in South Carolina, in a small town, with a long-lost family that I had never met before, and who was a pack of werewolves, and now I was one too. And yet, here I was in a truck, with this dude that I had known only what, a month? And he was like my best friend because he was my cousin. Funny how things work, isn’t it?

            Especially my mind. I mean, ever since I had walked out of Hale the other day, I had not once thought of “you-know-who” since she proved to be a two-timing liar that was playing a joke on me. It’s just---

            No. You know what? I’m not going to think about that, her, or the situation, I thought. It’s all in the past now. I’m going to focus on being a werewolf. After all, the adventure can’t stop here, can it?

Author's Note

v2.0 UPDATE: I was told by a reader that Evan seemed "unfazed" by his cousin undressing. And I suppose she was right. So I added an extra sentence or two to straighten out the small kink. :)

This chapter is a little more (okay, a LOT more) condensed than when I first wrote it about a year ago. It's amazing what editing and reviewing can do! But I wanted to stick to the heart of the chapter which to explore the werewolf world far more than most of today's YA fiction has. Tell me if I did. :) There may be poor word choices or grammar issues and such, but I am sure you will find them. You always do. :) But please don't hesitate to point them. I'd be grateful. Oh, and another thing about the chapter's story: I'd love to see someone say this chapter sounds like Twilight. Sure, I used a forest such as in the Twilight movie scene where the character tells her he is a vampire. But I hate to break it to ya, but werewolves OWN the forest! Boo ya! :P So I am sure this goes far beyond than anything Stephenie Meyer wrote. There are no "psychic connections" and no "tree-sized wolves" (as in the Twilight MOVIE not the BOOK!). If you have read Twilight, please inform me of ANY comparisons you notice, but that shouldn't be a problem because most of the information here is basic werewolf knowledge that is brought up in ALL werewolf stories. Also, please note, the way MY werewolves communicate is NOT mentally, but physically. If you would like to get an idea as to how they do it, try talking inside your body. Don't open your mouth while speak, and it should sound like humming or groaning. :)

I apologize for the amount of time it took for me to post this one. This week has been CRAZY! School just started back this week and I have been trying to figure out my schedule changes and the writing assignments my new English teacher has assigned to me (I don't think she likes me because I can actually write! haha). And I have been forced to help out more outside in yard work and that has killed my spare time along with my relaxing time. So I have been swamped. But I am still aiming for the end of August. I am going to try relentlessly to get this book finished! Promise. But if things don't go to plan, I will extend it to the end of the first week of September. :) Also, my read requests will no longer be open until this novel is completely posted up. Sorry, but I am super busy! Just send me a message for a special read requests (Adina, etc.) and I will TRY to read them asap! But all other writings of mine (poems, etc.) have been put on hold.

Dang that was long. Anyways, hope ya enjoyed it! :) Read. Rate. Review. xoxo ... now go!

Reviews

[Kira]

/sigh. The last review I wrote comparing you to Twilight, you deleted and got pissed off. I just felt the need to laugh at your author's note: "There are no 'psychic connections' and no 'tree-sized wolves'." They actually were communicating through their minds, in case you forgot. Although not all thoughts were put on display, and although they do need to communicate somehow. And as for 'tree-sized wolves', trees can kind of be all sizes, and if I remember New Moon and Eclipse correctly, she described them more as horse-sized. So yours are a bit smaller. Big whoop.

I know Twilight is the only series containing werewolves that I've ever read (I'm not really that interested in them) and these similarities are just common sense (like your clothes don't pop out of existence when you change and back, you have to strip) but you chose maybe the worst two aspects to defend yourself with.

On a final note, Evan seemed remarkably unfazed when his cousin stripped naked.

[bbb]

Okay, here we go. I noticed a few things that need revising. A couple of them are extremely minor. For instance, when Luke is explaining the rules to Evan, it says something like ..."it seemed to professional"...you just want to change the 'to' to 'too.' Another one of the rules, something about communicating with "another nymph," it would read better if it just said, "communicating with a nymph," or even, "communicating with any nymph." When he describes Luke's wolf coat, it says, "the gradients on it was vibrantly shown." It should be 'were vibrantly shown.' After Evan transforms, he says something like, "my ears were practically on my head." You may want that to say instead, "my ears were practically on top of my head." It just sounds better and makes more sense. Another sentence, talking about Luke says, "not feeling left out," would read better if it said, "not to be left out."
The last thing on grammar I'll add is this; be careful with the usage of words like 'stuff' and 'whatnot.' They tend to sound like filler or replacement words when used too often. If I were you, I'd go ahead and use them on occasion, but find some other words instead of them as well...you'll sound more literate this way.
The only part of this chapter I had a little confusion on was Evan's clothes being back on him when he morphs back into human form. Were his clothes on him the entire time he was a wolf? That gives me a very silly mental picture if that's the case. Or do they just reappear by some sort of werewolf magic? I couldn't quite figure that part out. I am still enjoying this story, and can't compare it to Twilight as I've never read those books. (I've seen two of the movies, and this story still doesn't remind me of Twilight.) I'm not sure if by reading those books I'd be a better reviewer or not. So I honestly don't know if there are similarities or not. Also, as a reader, I would like to see more of the other mythology in this book come into play...like maybe show off some of Summer's nymph-powers or something. But maybe that will occur later. Either way, I'm going to keep reading this entertaining book! Great work!

[Kira]

I...am disappointed by this chapter. Apparently I'm not allowed to say why, either. Shame.