Being lonely is deadly

Its kind of a story as well. I hope this piece is well written and makes sense. Because when you feel lonely, everything feels wrong and you just want to go away.

I feel darkness surrounding me as I rock in my rocking chair alone
Back and forth as I rock
I feel more tears come from my red eyes
Since he left, I feel my soul being betrayed
I keep re-playing the image of him leaving out our door
Over and over, and over again in my empty heart
In my insane mind, my brain hurts
This life is not fair, I jump off of my rocking chair
I still keep holding his pictures in my cold hands
As I take another sip of my Tequila bottle
I slowly kiss his lips of his picture
Then I take another puff of my cigarette
He took everything away from me,
My heart, cigars, money, most of all you took my soul
I keep checking my phone if you called
No response, of course
There is a hole in my heart
Ripping my whole body apart
He was my hero, but since he left
I can not take this surreal pain
I have no reasons to keep myself alive
Life is not worth living, I want to take back the gift of life
I find some more Angel Dust thinking its going to be ok
I get my old bloody razor and chop the beautiful pieces
Into smaller ones so I can snort it all away
I remembered he stopped me from cutting my wrists
Now who is there for me? No one cares about me anymore
I keep waiting for him to come back in my arms
I wait and think about him, how he used to be my light
Now as I wait here I feel numb but I am still depressed
I wanted him to stay with me
I still need him for me to be stable
Instead he left me here without any reasons
My lonely pain is my only friend
My broken heart is my only family
I am sick of pretending he still loves and cares about me
I always feel used and abused
I chew on some magical mushrooms
Maybe it will help me forget about him
Then my room turns into a horror clown place
I tried to scream his name to help
But hes long gone, he took the guns and knives
He knew I would kill myself that way
The evilness is coming after to torture me some more
So I run and get my keys and jump into my old car
I speed 100 miles per hour going nowhere but somewhere away from here
My heart races and pounds even faster and harder
I look for any other drugs I could inject into my veins
I still keep my foot locked onto the gas pedal
As I take my eyes off the road to search and scramble around
Trough my dirty car looking for more drugs or alcohol, or anything
That can take away all the pain, even if its for a little while
Because the numbness ran off
I can not seem to forget him, I miss him too much
I take another gander at the road knowing there is a cliff edge
Right there, right in front of me
If I traveled another four seconds I would die
I decided that was better than living with fear
I'm tried of crying all the time with my broken heart
Band-aids, chocolate, and time can not help me anymore
My dreams already died
I decided to end my life
I close my eyes and pretend I am in his warm arms keeping me safe and sound
And push the gas peddal even harder
When I am going down I can not breathe

Reviews

[.]

While I can relate to the loneliness and the need to try and find something to fill that void. I don't think ending the ride is something I agree with. Probably because I feel the boys/men just aren't worth it.

Your words do spin a powerful tale though. A tale the leaves the reader hoping for fresh air.

Ash

[C.]

that made me tear up

[Marie Harrison]

An amazing write. I could feel the tension building as the writing progressed. A gripping piece!

[Jeff]

A very intense, tragic story you've laid out here.

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Ashley,

You took me on a lonely trippie story. I have been known to do some of the more illegal varieties of drowning my sorrows. Some people don't know how to handle the pain, or know how to deal with the pain, so they do what they feel they must and sometimes what they must do is not the right thing. Good write.

Regards,

Matthew

[Star Wolf]

Amazing, very intense, excellent yet tragic story. Lots of people have been there, at the edge, I've been half way there when my boyfriend walked out of my life. You really did an amazing job on this story. I can see this as a book or a movie, it would be a good one.

[Moth Phoenix]

WOW! This is amazing. I feel a very strong emotion when I read it.

"I close my eyes and pretend I am in his warm arms keeping me safe and sound And push the gas pedal even harder"

that's very intense. Great write :D