How do I stop my heart from beating only for you?A Poem by Ashley
Please read. This is due to my recent breakup. Hope you enjoy the poem at least.
I count the hours of misery when I am at school and
I fake a smile when I am with family, just so they don’t question anything wrong
When I was with you, it was the only time I truly smiled with no pain
I didn’t hear from you for awhile because you were busy
So I threw my cell phone against the wall
I broke it due to my anger
I’m a teenage girl, having no phone is like being without a soul
I think smoking K2 incense is better then weed since it's legal
I don’t feel like I am living my life correctly
I feel like my days don’t exists unless I smoke and I am with you
I don’t even wanna be with anyone not even a friend
What is wrong with my mind?
But you do not want to be with me anymore
You treat me unkind and leave me behind
I have to beg for you to touch me
Why can’t I see you only bring me heartaches?
I can’t even look into your eyes
Since you do not even want nor have time to see me
If you are near
I feel the tension heat
It brings tears in my eyes all during my sleepless nights
As smoke fills up my lungs
I exhale the smoke slowly
I see the smoke linger in front of my watery, swollen, and red eyes
I see no happiness, happiness doesn’t visit me anymore
Depression is my only home
I do not want it to be over, no not today
You say you go, then tell me you miss me, which confuses me more
I begged and said please do not go and leave me like how everyone else does
But you left, if you wanted to stay you would of
I guess you got sick of me, like how everybody else did
You said maybe down the line we can go out
But for now we can see each other as friends
How am I suppose to see you and not want to hold you?
It breaks my soul even more when I see you just as a friend.
I cannot understand what I did wrong
I sucked your dick and gave you space
You gave me flowers and was there for me
Then all of a sudden you woke up and started to act differently
How do I say goodbye to the one I care about?
I don’t want to care
I tell myself; get over our shared feelings
I can't get over you, how is it even possible?
If every song, every movie, every place I go I see some happy couple
That seems to torture me with their love
I am a good person
Why do I feel so unhappy?
What have I done wrong to feel this useless?
Other guys ask me out
I do not even want to go
I only go for free food
Because I spend all my money on gas from driving past your house
Or on something to numb my pain
The less you want of me, the more I want of you
I need to move on
How do I let go and not care?
I keep carrying the pain on top of my head and broken heart
I torture myself with my own delusions.
© 2012 Ashley
Added on May 9, 2012
Last Updated on May 9, 2012
AboutI love ~poetry/writing ~being funny ~dancing ~eating cheesecake ~listening to random music ~laughing ~helping ~yoga I am usually a nice person. If you help and comment on my writings, I w.. more..
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