left behind

06/2012

yea it's okay

         she has just 

lost her way

          while I've been

searching for the 

           most unseen

 

I've been embracing

           tragedy and many pains

from many things that

            we can't conquer

one lie after another

            never a moment

of solid ground

            nor contentment 

inside out I stood

            in the devouring

flame as she fell 

upside down

             like everything

around her  

             slowly to her death

taking her love

            away from me

so very

           far away 

from me

Author's Note

Reviews

[rivers]

Ouch...if I didn't have such a good memory this poem might not hit me at such an emotional level...This form is new in your writing, at least to me and I like it. The drum beat in the song reminds me a bit of the form, in a good way.
You always seem to nail your emotions with lyrics and phrasing that draws in the reader even though the emotions are dark...Nicely done Joshua

[Coyote Poetry]

This is amazing poetry and I like the music a lot.
"I've been embracing
tragedy and many pains
from many things that
we can't conquer"
Thank you for the outstanding poetry and music.
Coyote

[Raven Starhawk]

There is a dark and romantic trait to your words that helps navigate me through this. It feels as though each stanza is a step leading somewhere that I can easily relate to.

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

i love how you played with the font...it helped me understand this poem better, and definitely attracted my attention :)

[Sanjeeta Sharma Pokhar..]

Outstandingly written- Nostalgia persists somewhere...

[Morrigan Nicole]

My favorite part was the style. Very nice

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I get the impression this girl is in a coma. The bold, highlighted, broadened words give me that impression. She wants to communicate but cannot. She is trapped and alone. Facing death, or at least removal from her norm.

I think the rest of the poem acts as a filler, and a gentle pace setter, pushing us into the real depths of your message.

The structure is nice. I like to see creativity in poems not only in word, texture and meaning but visual presentation. It's like fine dining: you can eat the best food in the world but if it looks like a pile of dog s**t you aint gonna wanna eat it.

I think it's one of your better pieces as you make it simple to convey a deeper meaning. There's not much extravagance or complexity but your subtlty works well in getting across what I see as a pretty strong message.

I accept I could be wrong, but I don't see why you'd make those words bold and important unless you wanted to spell out something to us.

[Destinyxi]

I was trying to see if the bigger words put together had some sort of hidden message haha. Nice write :)

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

First off I love the song in the author's note, i'v heard it before, but not a remix... love this remix too. haha As for the poem, I love how you played with the words capitalizing them making them stand out in the playful structure like its all falling downhill and spinning with the emotion in the poem. Very nice, it feels like depth in this poem especially at the end with the last two small stanzas. Love this part:
"slowly to her death
taking her love
away from me"

[Brittni]

You have a knack for making your work stick in my mind. I love it.

[Ruth]

Your work has always carried the mark of real expression...real wrenching ability! ♥