Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A Chapter by Jemma Packman

In her apartment, Charlie was lounging on her soft, deep red fabric couch. The only sounds were the clinking of the spoon against the dish in her hand and the crunch of the cereal she was eating. Her phone vibrated on the black glass of the coffee table beside her. Charlie sighed, dropped the spoon in the dish and looked at her phone. With another sigh, she stood up, stuffed her phone in the front pocket of her ripped black jeans and took the dish to the kitchen. After throwing the dish in the sink, she sluggishly made her way back to the couch, droppped herself on it and rubbed her face in an effort to wake herself up. With a yawn and a quick shake of her head, Charlie reached down the side of the couch to grab her worn, black converse. She quickly pulled her shoes on and stood up, grabbing a tattered leather jacket and a plain blue beanie that matched her T-shirt. Slipping those on, Charlie opened the door, only to be stabbed in the arm with a key. "Oh, s**t, Charlie, are you ok?" Charlie nodded and smiled softly at a very apologetic looking Shannon. Shannon held up the plastic bag in her other hand for Charlie to see. "I got Chinese. Do you want me to save you the leftovers?"
 Charlie moved aside so Shannon could come in and steps out of the door. "Please. Thanks."
 Charlie closed the door behind her. Shannon put the bag of food on the coffee table before hanging up her coat and bag. She took a seat on the couch and a small chuckle escaped her lips. "Two words." She raised an eyebrow as she removed the food from the bag. "Maybe she'd have said more if I'd got pizza."


© 2016 Jemma Packman



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Featured Review

You do a good job helping the reader visualize the scene and understand the characters' state of mind, while still being vague enough to maintain an element of mystery.

I recommend separating the dialogue into their own paragraphs. In the first line (Shannon's apology), it's not entirely clear who's talking, because the actions both before and after are Charlie's.

You do a good job describing the scene, but what about Shannon's face: How does apologetic look?

A couple more instances of verb switching here as well.

I am curious to find out more about their relationship and Charlie's job (or whatever is keeping her out at night)...

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You do a good job helping the reader visualize the scene and understand the characters' state of mind, while still being vague enough to maintain an element of mystery.

I recommend separating the dialogue into their own paragraphs. In the first line (Shannon's apology), it's not entirely clear who's talking, because the actions both before and after are Charlie's.

You do a good job describing the scene, but what about Shannon's face: How does apologetic look?

A couple more instances of verb switching here as well.

I am curious to find out more about their relationship and Charlie's job (or whatever is keeping her out at night)...

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your descriptions are great! I can visualize Charlie's actions as if I were watching a play, movie or TV show. I'm still intrigued wondering where she is going, what she is doing and the reasons for her attitude.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jemma Packman

1 Year Ago

Hopefully that will be explained in the next few chapters. However this is the last edited chapter s.. read more

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Added on January 31, 2015
Last Updated on July 6, 2016

Charlie's Girls


Author

Jemma Packman
Jemma Packman

Hull, East Yorkshire, United Kingdom



Writing
Prologue Prologue

A Chapter by Jemma Packman


Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by Jemma Packman