Me and Athena

            Getting out of bed was extremely tough this morning. My belly cramps, I have a headache and I feel as though I had been put through a grinding machine. I felt like my pelvic muscles were hamburger. The guy lying there, next to me wasn’t even who I really wanted to be with; actually he’s just a long time friend.  Okay, so we dated about ten years ago, but then as well as now, he wasn’t my type. Having sex was the last thing I should have done with him. Now I’m cursing myself. I repeatedly told him how I felt and I wanted our relationship to stay on mutual grounds. So having any type of sexual contact would just make things weird. I hate it. This isn’t the first time in the last month either and how do you turn that back around I wondered in a fog, I really don’t think you can. He doesn’t make advances unless he’s been drinking. It seems as though he’s making them everyday and to top it off, I made the initiation this time. Jesus Christ. I need to talk to someone. I need my girlfriends and a damn Camel.

            Girlfriends are great; even though they can’t always solve the world’s problems they are faithful to you.  Sometimes that is. Unless they want to screw the guy you’re with. But that’s fine with me right now. I don’t give a shit about anyone in particular, well except one guy and he did me a favor I guess. Something he said made me turn around and it was like my head spinning as fast as a top, a huge wake up call. So screw them all. I got up and was going to the kitchen, the most logical girlfriend that I could talk to was Athena. Except I have to remember she is still a virgin. I know it’s hard to believe and sometimes I don’t believe it either. I once thought she might be a lesbian. Athena has more guy friends actually than girlfriends, I think me and Aphrodite are the only ones she hangs with.  Aphrodite is always in love or butting into others relationships, but at times throughout the years she has been much help. Not this time though, she would try to make some type of romance and this guy is not it. I need his friendship as much as he needs mine but that’s all. We both have things coming up and going on in our lives that we need each other’s help but god damn it, I purposely rebelliously screwed this guy. Because I was hurt over what the other guy said. “Wow”, I thought, “I really got back at him.”

            What I dumb ass I am. Stumbling in the bathroom grabbing the cordless phone and holding my head as the throbbing pushed through my brain like a typhoon, I thought to myself no more drinking, I don’t even drink, Jesus this guy brings out the worst in me. I looked back at the bed and there he lay, almost making want to spew my guts. He’s still sleeping and I wanted to say, “Get the fuck up and go home, get a fucking job, I have shit to do.” I took a second look at his back, and his small frame. His dark soft skin and dark baby fine hair was above the covers, he has always been attractive and the black mustache was a sexy attribute. But I don’t think it’s that great after all these years. I looked for anything to cover myself and grabbed an old shirt, stopping by to put on socks. Into the bathroom I shuffled my feet and started brushing my teeth and dialed the phone, it was ringing as I was still brushing.

            “Hello.” in a questionable voice Athena answered.

            “Hi, it’s me.” I mumbled with my mouth still full of toothpaste, “I really need to talk to you. Are you free later or can you call me?”

            “So talk now. Why the hell do you call me when you’re brushing your god damn teeth?” Athena sounded irate; somehow I think she knew what I was going to tell her. Just a couple weeks ago she warned me about this and told me to stay away from him. She was always the wisest one. She knew the right comeback in any situation. At times I often told Aphrodite I wouldn’t want to be her enemy and we should thank are asses that we weren’t. I have teased her often about the “Wrath of Athena”. If someone is fucking with you, just tell Athena. She’ll handle it.

             “I can’t talk now,” I told her in a whisper.

            “Then why did you call me? You ass, you did it again didn’t you? Is he there now?”

            “Yes”, I dragged out the answer with a heavy sigh. Stressing my whisper, “I know, for god’s sake Athena. I’m freaking human too. I’m not like you. You’re a fucking goddess or something, still a virgin for god sakes. Nobody’s a god damn virgin. Come on. I’m certainly not and sometimes it just happens. But I know, okay? I know. He’s the absolute worst I could ever get involved with that way. And I’m not; I mean I don’t feel any different than before. Hell, guys do it all the time. He’s a friend. That’s it.”

            Athena gave a deep breath, “Look, if you want to talk that’s fine, I’ll listen. But don’t ask me for advice because you never listen to me anyway. Just come over later. He’s still there right?” She paused for a second suggesting I tell him I have someplace to be. “I really have been saving this day for a craft day and I’m having fun. So get you’re ass over here before it gets any later.”

            “Yeah okay, he’s here. I’m still in the bathroom. I’ll see what I can do. He’ll probably tell me he’ll wait on me. Jesus Christ.”

            “Well, do whatever you want, human as you are. I’m weaving and the day is almost gone and tomorrow’s another work day. Just take some aspirins and get your ass here. ” Athena began to get that tone I know too well.

            “I know you’re right. I just have to stop, without hurting his feelings. I like hanging out with him. I think that’s probably impossible.” I commented in a questionable voice. “So I’ll be over soon.” I hung up the phone and sat down on the toilet. I hear his moan as he is waking up and hope to god he didn’t hear anything.

            “Hey, how are you this morning?” I asked him poking my head out of the bathroom door. “I have to go over to Athena’s for awhile, she weaving something and I’m going to be gone for the rest of the day.” I threw him his shirt and headed back in the bathroom.

            “Oh, well when are you going to be back?” He stretched and lit a cigarette. I quit smoking over year ago and the guy has me smoking again. Great.    “How the hell should I know? I’ll call you when I get back. Are you going straight home?” Shit, now I really feel like an ass. I’m never as witty as Athena, she would have been more refined or maybe not. Maybe she would have just said to get out. It doesn’t matter, he got the hint and left.

             I arrived at Athena’s and she opened the door, she was one of those women that looked beautiful in anything. Still in her cotton baby blue pj’s and white socks she offered me some tea. I took it, burning my finger on the side of the cup.

            “It’s hot.” Athena announced.

            “No shit.” I blew and shook my finger.

            “So girlfriend,” Athena sat back down in the middle of her wool and spinning wheel. “Why are you here? You know the answers. I can’t change what you do against my advice. You certainly have your own mind and you’re a big girl.”

            “What the hell do you do with all this shit anyway?” I picked some dyed wool up in my fingers and felt its fibers.

            “Look down, asshole.” She said.

            I hadn’t realized she made the beautiful rug, I knew she could do so many things, but I wasn’t aware she had such a talent. “You made this? God, it’s beautiful.” I sighed and fell back into the chair, “What the hell am I going to do, Athena?”

            “You know what you need to do. I just don’t know why you need me to tell you so many times, the same thing. I always tell you the same thing. You never listen, I know you get lonely, but this guy is not you. You don’t go to your functions you absolutely love, you’re drinking and smoking again. There’s no wonder why I have never taken the plunge. I see you and Aphrodite and I believe that’s enough for me. Christ.” She began weaving.

            “Well thanks for the tea. I’m going, I really don’t feel good. Lunch tomorrow?”

            Athena looked up and winked, “Sure lunch is fine, it’ll be ok you know. Maybe this is fate. Maybe this is your rocky road to someplace or something else. Just be careful.”

             I left and had a feeling Athena was right. Of course she always was, but this time she hit a grand slam. I had a good feeling, maybe I won’t have to do anything, maybe this will work it’s self out. I think tomorrow we should get together and have a tarot reading after lunch.