My Holocaust

If My Eyes Could Speak, They'd Be Screaming. Forever Falling Upon Deaf Ears.

This Midnight Air Holds Heavy Winds

And Through Its Howls And Through Its Whims

I Hear Your Voice Again

My Only Friend, This Voice Within

Will Slowly Rip Away My Skin

And In This Dream - I'm Quarantined

By These Four Walls of Sin

Limb By Limb Im Ripped Apart

They're Closing In - My Bleeding Heart

Will Still Distort

My Breath Gets Short

My Blood Runs Thin on Life Support

And Every Stick Thats Built This Fort

Is Making Me So Hollow

 

Welcome To My Holocaust

Author's Note

Please Give Me Some Feedback!

Reviews

[Lorraine]

First of all, I find the font size way too small but well, it doesn't really affect the poem. Second, I like the detailed imagery. The arrangement of your words are powerful and therefore they also create images that burn the mind.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[jrPaperheart]

Very good. Well done. Not the end, an excellent beginning

[jrPaperheart]

Excellent.

[ettorney]

My favorite lines are:

And In This Dream - Im Quarantined
By These Four Walls of Sin

I read it as lonely times come to people that do bad things.

"Im" needs and apostrophe.

Suggestion: take out "It's" in It's limb from limb. Strength is found in the image. The reader can "see" the contraction without it necessarily being there.

nice write.

[Ruth]

You know, on another reflection of this, I am astounded! Metaphorically amazing!
An internal blitz happening here! Great work friend! xx

[A.Lee]

This is excellent. How vivid and haunting. This piece has a strong feel to it. I love the way you formatted it, especially the way you capitalized every word and the usage of the bold lines. Excellent, excellent job.

"They're Closing In - My Bleeding Heart
Will Still Distort
My Breath Gets Short
My Blood Runs Thin on Life Support
And Every Stick Thats Built This Fort
Is Making Me So Hollow
Welcome To My Holocaust"

Absolutely loved it. Great job :)

[MissWordSmith]

this was truly fantastic my friend. it actually felt like.. a song in the beginning.
whatever the case, this was a really nice one.
it ended off on a creepy note but it worked.
great writing here!

[Devons]

This is terrific! What a mesmerising title, too! This last section is very strong:

"They're Closing In - My Bleeding Heart
Will Still Distort
My Breath Gets Short
My Blood Runs Thin on Life Support
And Every Stick Thats Built This Fort
Is Making Me So Hollow"

High, high marks for this one! Powerful. And I really like the way it appears.

[Ruth]

Excellent imagery here! xx

[EMP]

this is an amazing poem. really really good. the imagery created is brilliant and the words are so vivid and strong. brilliant write!