Carbonic Maceration

total nonsense of epic proportion

Carbonic Maceration

By: J.A. Stevens

 

Ethel Van Bethel and Gertrude miss attitude,

Were having trouble making homemade wine.

The grapes they squashed quite swiftly because they each weighed nearly three-fifty.

But they were stressin’ with the pressin’ because the rusty screw needed dressin’,

In the end however it came out fine.

 

Bottled and corked they both ate some pork,

And waited for juice to ferment.

But it took quite a long while before they could finally drink it in style.

As the corks were poppin’ the old girls were hoppin’ but then to the ground they were droppin’,

And this made them heartily repent.

 

Morning came and went and with each bottle spent,

They barely managed to get up around noon.

They each had sledgehammers in their brain and were sure to go insane.

So they both sat thinkin’ about the evils of drinkin’ and how bad they were stinkin’,

But were happy they could pick more grapes next June.

 

(15 lines)