A Bitter Me

Everyone who's ever had an ex.

  BITTER ME

It's ironic, heard it through the grape vine,

He took you out to taste wine, 

And while your glasses sparkled and taste-buds tingled 

My happiness dwindled in the night,

and as I lay awake, wishing the sunrise would show up early for work,

Artificial features illuminates your glow, center stage 

Center stage as we enter the age of the unknowing, 

He places you centerfold, and I wish these cameras would flash the pain away,

but detecting intruders is as far as these sensors go. 

An intruder I was to your heart, because you never saw it coming. 

Because if loving you is wrong then the law is nothing

Just why my hurt is producing melody for the Heartbroken's soul  is the question, 

On sight you made my heart skip and leap bounds, I called your love equestrian

but I wasn't as faithful as a horse, and my personality morphed into something much less than a man...

So the tale of our love is bitter sweet, as I cringe with jealousy at your twitter feed, you were the sweetness, now there's just a bitter me.  

Reviews

[h d e rushin]

We resolve to be better than the person we could not change. Bitterness gives off no glow at all,
no brilliance and no fireworks. So the first line of the second stanza is a question not of investigation,
or inquisitiveness but of philosophy. What is wrong with me that the horse in me cant cure?

lovely metaphor. Wonderfully done....dana

[Afraa]

Very beautiful and elegant poem. I can't relate to this in any way, but despite that, it was still a very enjoyable read for me.

Spectacular job!

[Libby McKeown]

the poem has a certain free flow structure and somewhat stream of consciousness feel. That gives the work a certain freedom, but maybe too much freedom? I think you could make this poem more powerful by cutting it, giving the reader gaps they have to fill in. I am sure this experience was very personal and painful, but as a work, it's a one note piece. There is no mystery, and it's quick to process. I suggest reading it aloud to see where you could make the most effective changes. That is if you want the poem to progress beyond a confessional.

[Samoda]

Thanks for that very insightful critique Libby, I will take your advice.

[Jon Roggie]

Nice! The words and emotions flow.

[AMarie]

Beautifully vivid description.. your flow is on point. I would love to hear this piece performed out loud. I love it.

[Samoda]

Thank you Amber, Glad you enjoyed...

[Shimae Parks]

awww snap this is the best poem I have read in a very very long time! love it dear great work!

[TL Boehm]

twitter feeds, and a a bitter me. Love the flow of this and thought the first two lines were especially well done.

[Samoda]

Thank you ever so much...

[Rachelle]

Moving on when the heart is not ready takes on greater pain when the object has moved forward incrementally.
Great take on social media and its effects.

[Samoda]

Glad it provoked an emotion for you Rachelle

[A. Amos]

Artificial features illuminates your glow, center stage 
Center stage as we enter the age of the unknowing, 


Your message was deep yet honest, i truly enjoy reading..i think above lines, "centre stage" you have repeated?

[Samoda]

thank you,
it was intended but i probably should have
added a colon

[Samoda]

Not saying that this poem is coming from a personal standpoint but I think it predominantly reflects a level of honesty, mostly with oneself in retrospect of a former relationship... accepting your flaws and the wrong is the first step towards becoming a better person; jealousy is just an unavoidable side effect. hope you enjoy.