Eavesdropping: Chapter 1

Eavesdropping

They would find me. Even in these dense woods at night, they would find me. The rain and hail was all that kept them from finding me.

I inched myself up onto the next branch of the pine tree. My brown leather cloak and hood, along with my leather pants and riding boots were the only things saving me from the inclement weather. As I turned to settle along the branch, it quivered in the wind, and my heart skipped a beat.

The branch held firm though and taking a deep breath, I pulled myself up the rest of the way and settled down. I curled up my knees and crossed my arms tight against my frame attempting to hold in the fear fighting to escape me. To focus my mind, I sat there - trying - struggling to understand.

A water drop landed on my knee. I watched as it followed an invisible path down my leg before disappearing. Like the water drop, people also followed paths. I saw this everyday, yet, like with the water drop, I could not discern why they chose one path over the other. I saw them move, make choices, but not why. Invisible things motivated them to go here or there.

What motivated the men that chased me? What motivated them to want to kill, to want more power? Why are some never satisfied with where they are and what they have? 

. . .

. . . 

. . .

Birds whistled in the surrounding trees. The storm would end soon. Then they'd come. To end my life. To keep their secrets.

I pulled on my necklace bringing out my whistle. Blowing on it, I heard nothing. I'm not supposed to hear anything. It's for my dragon, Lumin. With the storm moving on, he would be able to pick me up. I prayed he'd reach me before they did.

In the distance I heard a sound that froze my heart splintering it into a  million shards of fear. They had let the hunting dogs loose. My body trembled whether from fear, or from the cold, I didn't know. All I knew was I couldn't stay here. Jumping from limb to limb, I approached the roof of the forest while heading in the opposite direction of the dogs.

I pulled out my whistle to call again when a dark shadow fell over me. I turned my head and faced a figure silhouetted by the emerging moon. 

I'd been found.

The darkness encompassed him, swallowed him, though the moon shone deathly pale behind. He had joined the men in their chase on a dragon. The large dragon gleamed a light silver in the night. He was a monster. In that moment, I was stone. 

Unbelievably, he hadn't seen me. One movement though and he would. Then slowly, oh so slowly, his body swung away leading his dragon in the opposite direction.

I stared after him a queer feeling creeping up over me. 

Staring after the man, I didn't at first notice the fluttering of my hair or hear the sound of wings driving through the atmosphere. Then I heard his low humming. 

Lumin, I breathed. I spun around . . . and saw nothing. Then I looked down. A small mass was slightly below my branch, waiting. Before I had a chance to second guess myself, I jumped from my feeble branch to his back landing with a thump on my beautiful, blue dragon. 

Knowing the man had heard me, knowing he was coming, I kneed Lumin to move it and fast. Until this moment, all I felt was fear - fear of being caught, fear of what they might do. 

Then . . . 

he spoke.

His voice sliced through me. "Why run? Do you really think your little dragon can out fly my Mandorian-bred dragon? Even if you could, people like you are easy to hunt down and . . ." he was having to yell toward the end. Lumin may be small, but he was the quickest dragon my uncle owned though he didn't know it as Lumin wouldn't let anyone ride him but me. Not that any of this made any difference to me in the moment. The sky and ground below me were a blur and faintly I heard the dogs fighting to keep up below and close behind was a man whose presence was an impossibility.

The man continued his threats, but his dragon obviously had been flying for hours before this. He was beginning to lose speed and lose me. We had lost the dogs quite some time ago. Then his last threat rang in my ears, "I will never forget your dragon. I will find him and kill him, then you will die."

 

I rode. I rode until all that was left of me was a pile of abandoned raindrops. Thoughts tortured me. Slowly, I was shedding a veil that I had been wearing for years. Blinking in the stinging rain, I wasn't able to tell what was rain and what were tears.

Reality was upon me.

Author's Note

Okay! Rearranged some. Do you think this scene is fine or should I make it longer?

Reviews

[StevePeck]

I really enjoyed the comparison to the water drop. It has always intrigued me how something so simple as the path of a water droplet is so unpredictable. It really helps set the scene. I'm sure you were planning on revealing why the main character was being chased eventually, although it might be good for that extra little hook in this chapter. Job well done, and thanks for commenting on my writing!

[Jules]

Good idea! I will have to think about that one.

[Vincent Beasley]

Really interesting. It makes you wonder whats going on lol. The only problems I see are that some of the wording seems off at times and the narration is a bit straight forward. It would be great if it could be drawn out a little more =] Oh and I really liked the water drop part.

[Constance Payne]

I like the comparison of the rain droplet to the paths people choose.
I am not sure how the title fits with the line (but it is late and I read it quickly)....hmmmm
Looking forward to finding out what it was that s/he was eavesdropping upon that made the life worth chasing......

[Jules]

I am starting to wonder if I should write a flash back to what she overheard. What do you think?

[Constance Payne]

I think that would be a great chapter....would fit the title....maybe consider changing the name of this one.....I look forward to reading what it is that has them looking to end the life of another.

[The Invisible Girl]

This is really good! :) Reading on!

[Nick]

You've captured the emotions and set the scenes wonderfully. Concentrate on strengthening your punctuation and the other minor details will fall into place for you. Overall, very promising work!

[Michy]

This is a wonderful piece of writing. I felt like I had been transported to this place. I really connected with your character. The tone, delivery and suspense is really good. Please let me know when you upload the next section :-)

[Jules]

Thanks. I have been trying to work on my world building! And I'll let you know. :)

[Elizabeth M.]

You've done a very good job of building and maintaining suspense from the very first sentence. You immediately pull the reader in to want to continue reading and know more.

In the distance I heard a sound that froze my heart breaking it into a million shards of fear splintering through me.
Consider---In the distance I heard a sound that froze my heart splintering it into a million shards of fear. "Through me" is already implied and saying it would be redundant.
Choices not chocies

Hope this helps.
Elizabeth M.

[Jules]

Thanks for the advice! I took it and changed. I really should do spell check before posting. Thanks for catching it. :)

[Chloe]

This is really good. There's a few grammar mistakes here and there but other than that your writing is amazing and the idea has been shown well. I will keep reading. Update soon.

[Jules]

Thanks! Grammar is definitely a growth area for me. And I hope to update soon. :)

[Night]

I usually don't really like the first person POV, but this is amazing! Update soon!

[Jules]

I am not usually much of a first person POV myself, until I read "Shattered". I love that series. So beautiful! Now, I can't help but want to write in first person. :) Thanks for reviewing!