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Andrew Nelson Stewart Andrew Nelson Stewart
In poetry and to find answers of who we are while walking the ephemeral road upon cracks of pain signs leading you.
Once upon a time

Once upon a time

A Poem by yashmita13
"

they told her fairy-tales come true.they told her happy endings.so she tried.but no-our world is not a fairy-tale.it ins't perfect.they told her only princesses can be happy.so she tried to be one.

"
once upon a time
there was a girl
who lived in a tower
which she herself had to climb
no prince to save her
and she had no superpower
hair in a messy bun
accompanied by a sweatshirt
dark patches under her eyes
you could see that she was hurt
no bills to cover up her wounds
just ordinary dirt
no tiara on her head 
for once she did flirt
but she never wanted to be
trapped in his bed
tears down her face
which she herself had to wipe
no lace left on her dress
no one saw her load and snipe

© 2014 yashmita13



Author's Note

yashmita13
they killed her.

My Review

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Featured Review

Awesome writing about the malevolent expectations of society for girls about romance and the unrealstic nature of thinking happy endings are a sure thing. I like it lol and im a guy.

Rhythm is a little strange at some points. Try to make most lines fit together more cohesively to make the fluency better. This will make it easier to read and more memorable.
ex: accompanied by a sweatshirt/ dark patches under her eyes/you could see that she was hurt

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

thanks for the feedback
glad you enjoyed it
i will work on it



Reviews

I get the feeling this girl is angry. Maybe she resents the her tower home and the stairs. I lived in a sixth floor apartment with no stairs. It was bad sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dear Yashmita13,

Please check the challenge rules again. If you need help with it, I will explain.

thank you,

Helena

Posted 2 Years Ago


A modern day fairytale. I like the honest tone leading to the sad ending. Few fairytale can come true. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Awesome writing about the malevolent expectations of society for girls about romance and the unrealstic nature of thinking happy endings are a sure thing. I like it lol and im a guy.

Rhythm is a little strange at some points. Try to make most lines fit together more cohesively to make the fluency better. This will make it easier to read and more memorable.
ex: accompanied by a sweatshirt/ dark patches under her eyes/you could see that she was hurt

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

thanks for the feedback
glad you enjoyed it
i will work on it
This may just be me, but this poem felt like it had fairy tale elements to it, which I absolutely love. This poem definitely shows that you are a creative writer! Keep up the amazing work! :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Congratulations on winning a prize at our writing competition! My favourite thing about this poem is that I get some more meaning from it the more I read it. Here's our original review for it: While simple on the face of it, this poem is incredibly complex. While the main thrust of it involves deconstructing the typical narrative of a princess, using the meter of a fairytale, it is the last two lines that really stand out. Initially they seem like filler, closing lines for the earlier rhyme, but when you really think about them, the most sinister they get.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

thank you so much
oh my god ..u portayed the true realities of life that are far away from those shown in multiplexes or cinemas..
u really showed me the mirror of what reality is..
but still i would say there are happy endings atleast with few lucky souls:)
amazing use of words ..
simple yet impressive,.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

thank you so much
Found this wrenching and eloquent. There are no happy endings and it is achingly sad

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

there MIGHT be happy endings, but frankly i havnt seen one yet, only realistic ones
This was an amazing read. Please, please, attempt to turn this into a novel or at least a short story. Also, this makes me think of a musical I was in xD

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

id love to turn it into a novel or a story, but im scared that i might end up spoiling it. playing i.. read more
just my idea of a perfect story.....someone gets to die...Lol...I really enjoyed reading this.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

yashmita13

2 Years Ago

im glad.
plus, i love killing people
Tara Togoland

2 Years Ago

really? me too! I'm so excited to have found someone who loves the idea of killing people as much as.. read more

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Added on November 20, 2014
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yashmita13
yashmita13

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