Narratives of mental isolation (part 4)

Part 4 in the NMI series. Sincerely yours, Jules.

The way out?
Hey, please come on in
I have to come clear
Hey, come on further now
Can I please bend your ear

On this cold city nigwht
Oh, keep this man from talking
These lanterns benighted
Oh, by the feelings flocking

Hey, please come on in
and take a seat dear
Hey, come and have a sip
Let me show you your fear

And when there’s nothing left burning inside you… That’s when you’ll understand
And when there’s nothing left burning around you… That’s when you know what you’ve done

In this cosy car (Well it’s a detour)
In the city night (If only I knew)
Creaking chair (next time take the bus)
Unchained (let me touch your lips)

And when there’s nothing left burning inside you…That’s when you’ll understand
And when there’s nothing left burning around you…That’s when you know what you’ve done

And when there’s nothing left burning inside you…That’s when you’ll understand
And when there’s nothing left burning around you…That’s when you know

You’re less human than human
For you’re not finding the truth
When you deviate from the path
the best way out, is through

Author's Note

Reviews, Tips and tricks are really appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

Hello, Jules. This is obviously a song judging by the use of verses and chorus. That's the way I read it. I think I would drop the connectives a bit, maybe get rid of the 'hey' & please' in the first verse.
e.g.
The way out?
Hey, please come on in
I have to come clear
Hey, come on further now
Can I please bend your ear
could be
The way out?
come on in
I have to come clear
come on further now
Can I bend your ear
I know you claimed this as a poem, but it definitely reads as a song and knowing you have a band it would work better that way. So far, good write

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

The narrator wants someone to understand him or her with a hint of ignorance.

[Kittenincake]

I like that this puts the reader in the same position as the person the narrorator is addressing. He/she is creating almost a vague guessing game...where you have to recall and dissect past transgressions to find the truth he/she is referring to.

[lua]

i read this and reread it and perceive a sense of ignorance, this narrative appears to want to reveal some sort of truth. there is an intriguing sense of ominousness throughout the piece