Narratives of mental isolation (part 5)

Well our little Emma stays hopeful but mistakes are made, and sometimes you just feel like running away from it all don't you? Enjoy! Sincerely yours, Jules.

Late bloomer
By mistake
On the phone

It was you
Child
And on the way
You know it will never stop

Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
and

Go, just go
please go
and further
further still
and
go, just go
please go
and go miles
and miles away

until you reach and
before you forget
and make a mistake
On the phone again

Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
and

Bloom!

Author's Note

Please review and comment!

Reviews

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

The narrator wants someone to go far away from them. He or she tells whoever he or she is talking to, to not make a mistake on the phone again.

[JayG]

What's to comment on? To you this had meaning, but only because you have intent for the words that's the result of personal experience. But for a reader, someone we don't know is addressing someone we've not met, discussing things for which the reader has no context. And without even punctuation to help parse it into meaningful sentences...

Here's the deal. The reader doesn't care how you feel. They want to be made to feel. They want to be entertained. So don't write about you, for them. Make them BECOMNE the poem, and live it. Don't talk of your tears, make them cry. Write to make them care, not know.

[junXion]

I get what you're saying, I really do, but..the funny thing is, I'm actaually talking about a fictional girl, deriving from a tale told by me by a non-fictional girl, visualising by me. So I get the distance you're feeling, but can't you feel the feelings feld by the fictional character? Anyway, thank you so much for reading, Sincerely yours, Jules.

[JayG]

A reader can feel them, if you make that reader know why, not that she felt it. My point is that you begin reading with the entire story in your head. So for you, each line points to emotion, image, ideas, and more, all in your head. But my head, as everyone knows, is empty. So for me, each line points to emotion, image, ideas, and more, all in your head. But you're not even here to ask.

[junXion]

Ah now I get what you're saying. Well I will hold that in mind the next time I write something. Thanks for the feedback! Sincerely yours, Jules.