Narratives of mental isolation (part 5)

Narratives of mental isolation (part 5)

A Poem by junXion
"

Well our little Emma stays hopeful but mistakes are made, and sometimes you just feel like running away from it all don't you? Enjoy! Sincerely yours, Jules.

"
Late bloomer
By mistake
On the phone

It was you
Child
And on the way
You know it will never stop

Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
and

Go, just go
please go
and further
further still
and
go, just go
please go
and go miles
and miles away

until you reach and
before you forget
and make a mistake
On the phone again

Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
Stop…
hold it
and let go
Stop…
call it
and

Bloom!

© 2017 junXion



Author's Note

junXion
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Reviews

The narrator wants someone to go far away from them. He or she tells whoever he or she is talking to, to not make a mistake on the phone again.

Posted 9 Months Ago


What's to comment on? To you this had meaning, but only because you have intent for the words that's the result of personal experience. But for a reader, someone we don't know is addressing someone we've not met, discussing things for which the reader has no context. And without even punctuation to help parse it into meaningful sentences...

Here's the deal. The reader doesn't care how you feel. They want to be made to feel. They want to be entertained. So don't write about you, for them. Make them BECOMNE the poem, and live it. Don't talk of your tears, make them cry. Write to make them care, not know.

Posted 9 Months Ago


junXion

9 Months Ago

I get what you're saying, I really do, but..the funny thing is, I'm actaually talking about a fictio.. read more
JayG

9 Months Ago

A reader can feel them, if you make that reader know why, not that she felt it. My point is that you.. read more
junXion

9 Months Ago

Ah now I get what you're saying. Well I will hold that in mind the next time I write something. Than.. read more

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Added on January 7, 2017
Last Updated on January 7, 2017

Author

junXion
junXion

Boxmeer, Brabant, Netherlands



About
First of all, welcome! I'm Julian and here on writerscafe I foremost publish lyrics that I write for my band junXion, aside from that I can't help writing some short stories and poetry from time to ti.. more..

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